through distance and time
by crazy 2b me
Summary: true love cannot falter, not by distance, not by time nor by circumstance... SxS, ExT, Mx?author's notes and disclaimer at chapter 1
1. his and her circumstance

**_Summary: sorry guyz... no magic here... juz got the personalities and the character of the ccs group... plus sam and toya of ayashi no ceres... toya should not be confused with saku's big bro... that's it! r&r!_**

**_Author's Notes: hello... me here... this is my first fic... actually, the first story that i had enough inspiration to finish... so please... review... id appreciate the comments... flames not so much but constructive criticism is much welcome... enjoy!_**

**_DISCLAIMER: i dont own CCS nor Ceres... juz the plot and some of the characters... _**

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_**PART ONE**_

_of bliss it all once were... a happy togetherness and hope for tomorrow everlasting..._

_...it all once were..._

_...a dream into reality..._

CHAPTER ONE: HIS AND HER CIRCUMSTANCE

"girls, hurry up!" syaoran shouted up the stairs. "we're gonna be late!"

"awww! you're such a nagger." sakura shouted back from their rooms. "besides, it's better to be late. we'll make such a grand entrance at the biggest party of the century."

at this, all the boys rolled their eyes, well, that is except for toya - you can hardly get a response from him anyway, except if you are sam, that is - and syaoran who growled. they had been waiting for the girls to come down for more than thirty minutes now and being the person that he is, his patience is wearing thin. what is it with girls and dressing up? they're at it for three hours now and they dont seem to be finishing anytime soon.

"sakura!" he growled, starting to come up the stairs.

"all right, all right! we're coming down now. you really have to learn how to be more patient, you know." sakura sighed. he really is pissed off right now. then she smiled, looking down at her dress. tomoyo outdid herself today. the girls is very contented on what she, tomoyo, had concocted for them especially for this party. 'i just hope this'll be enough to cool him off.' she thought.

she was the first thing he saw and his jaw dropped, literally. she was wearing an off-shouldered see-through dress which clungs to her every curve and exposes her midriff. she has a chain around her stomach with cherry blossoms dangling from it, in varrying lengths. she had her hair in a cute bun with some of her curls escaping, framing her face. she was blushing, as by the look in his eyes as he surveyed her. there is only one word to describe her - angel.

she knew he was scrutinizing her and the look in his eyes made her go crimson. she smiled shyly as she looked around the room and realized that it is not only her man that is in a daze. 'good work, tomoyo! we're off easy this time.' she thought. 'better go shake these guyz up or else we'll never be able to leave.'

-------

when she came down the stairs, his first impulse was to kiss her. she looked so pretty and confident as she walked with sam to where he and toya where standing. he looked sideways at his companion and was surprised to see the same serious expression he always wore. until he noticed the fire in his eyes and realized that he, toya, was also susceptible to the beauty of a woman - his sam, to be exact.

"hi eli." tomoyo greeted him, giving him a peck on the cheeks. "you like my dress?'

he smiled cockily at her and said, "no." and grinned some more when she pouted at his answer. God, she was so beautiful!

after a moment, she regained her composure. she knows she looks beautiful, she can see it in his eyes that he thinks the same way. but two could play that game. she smiled seductively at him and said, "is that so?" she winked at sakura standing across the room, knowing that the girl knew exactly what was going on through her mind. she cleared her thoat and then said out loud so the rest of the gang could hear, "girls, time to say your goodbyes now. it seems like we're not appreciated here. why not go out and find someone else who does?" the girls cheered their assent. she turned back at the shocked eli, and fluttered her eyelids, "bye hon. see yah later. be sure to have fun. i know we will." she winked at him and she threw him a kiss.

the other girls followed suit and went out the front door, leaving the men stunned at the living room. that is again except for toya who slowly walked to the door and waited for the others to follow. when they are still not capable of speech, much less of movement, he sighed and followed the girls out of the door.

-------

"you dont think i look pretty in this dress?!" meiling exclaimed as she stared unbelievingly at the man she is dancing with. she dont know why she cared exactly, didnt even know why she accepted dancing with him in tthe first place. just looking at his smug face makes her blood boil.

the men were able to catch up with them five minutes after they had started their walk to the party with syaoran ready to kill just about anybody who annoys him. he was ready to snap when they passed some kids who were playing a _little_ too loud when sakura held his hand and his temper went significantly down from boiling point.

"who said you look good in anything?" renzo scowled, raising his eyebrows. "you can make a really interesting dress turn ugly."

she narrowed her eyes at him. somehow, she knew he was lying - she saw him gape at her when he first laid eyes on her that evening - but his words stung. she was never the type to dress up for a guy, even if she really, really likes him. but renzo is an exception, _THE_ only exception. and she gets that kind of reaction?! 'damn this stupid relationships where you dont know where you stand! damn this feeling altogether and this man!' she thought as she bit her lips to fight the tears.

her felt her tense on his embrace and saw the tears starting to form. 'damn! blew it again!' he thought. he touched her cheek and said in a serious tone, "dont you know by now that i have a way with words? geez, woman, you know i always think you're beautiful."

'since when did i get so emotional?' she thought as she felt anger rising up her chest. 'i should have figured that he's toying with me again!' maybe because its the time of the month or because of the green monster erupting inside of her as she kept on catching him look at kaye that made her tick off, but whatever it is, she knows she wont take it this time. she stopped abruptly amd pried his other hand off her waist. "im going to the bathroom." she said coldly to him and turned to leave.

"where do you think you're going?" he caught her arm before she got a chance to walk away, making her face him again. "why are you such in a bad mood? i said i was just kidding."

"havent you been listening? i said i'm going to the bathroom." she shrugged indifferently, her sudden change of tone catching him off guard enabled her to release her arm from his grasp. "there's kaye. go dance with her while i'm gone if you like. not that i care anyways. sheesh! what am i saying? its like i'm giving you permission to dance with someone and we're not even together!"

she rolled her eyes when he wasnt able to respond to this then walked away.

"what was that all about? i said i was kidding! sheesh!" he said to himself, stalking to the bar, clearly needing a drink to think. he didnt realize that he was going to the same spot where kaye was standing.

'i thought so...' meiling thought tearfully, turning her back from him again.

-------

"you still angry?" sakura asked her boyfriend as they waltzed around the room. syaoran was still scowling, throwing daggers at the people within ten feet of them. he ignored her question and continued to look everywhere else but at her.

"one, two..." she started to count under her breath, her patience is also running out. well, who wouldnt? you spend hours trying to look gorgeous for someone then that some completey ignores you!

an idea flicked on her mind, then she smiled. 'no way is he going to continue ignoring me after this.' she mused. they were dancing, his hands on her waist, nose in the air, as if daring anyone to come near them. that was a problem for her plan since he's a head taller than her. then she came up with an answer. she moved her hands from the back of his neck to his chest, looking at him as he looked down on her, surprised by her sudden movement. her hands slowly went up to his collar and used this to pull him down roughly, her lips making contact with his, then she kissed him with all the passion she has. for a moment, he just stood there, stunned by her sudden display of affection - she was never the one who encourages PDA - but then he relaxed and replied to her kiss with his own.

after a few hours (a/n clearly i am exaggerating), they parted for air. she then buried her face on his chest, her face crimson as she placed her hands around his neck again.

"what was that for?" he asked, the deadly stare replaced by a twinkle in his eyes and an amused tone on his voice.

"figured that's the only way you'll notice me." she said, her voice muffled by his clothes.

"who said i didnt notice you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"for one, you look everywhere but at me..."

"well, its your fault." he snapped. "why did you wear that dress in the first place?"

"i thought you'd like it..." she pouted, downhearted by his words.

"like it?! i love it! same as any other man in this room! believe me when i say that there had been at least ten men who wanted to interrupt us while we were dancing."

'so that's why he was glaring!' she thought. she could hear the jealousy in his voice. she smiled. she wondered up to how much she could push him. she looked in his eyes, keeping the shy look on her face and said, "why didnt you let them?"

"are you serious?!" he barked, causing a few couples in their vicinity to look at them. "i'm not sharing you with anyone." he added silently as he pouted, looking away. she suppressed her laughter. 'he looks so cute!' he looked like a child who wasnt keen on sharing his toys.

"excuses. if i knew, you're just using that excuse to scout for other women." she suppressed another laugh as she saw anger flash in his eyes.

"why you?! who said i wanted anyone other than you?!"

at this, she gave him another brief kiss, turning crimson again at his words. he was so simple, it amazed her sometimes. he would just say anything that comes into his mind. not that she was complaining that much. "you better keep your eyes on me, then." she whispered. "or i'll be forced to find someone who will."

he tightened his arms on her waist, crushing her to his chest. "i'm not letting you go." he whispered into her hair. she smiled, closing her eyes to the rhythm of his heart beat.

"so kawaii!" tomoyo said softly, video cam in her hand, taping the lovebirds in front of her.

-------

"why is _she_ here again?! until now i couldnt quite grasp the concept why _you_, my _bestfriend_, of all people, invited _her_?!" meiling asked in clenched teeth as she watched renzo and kaye laughing at the bar.

"you make her sound like a bad person." sam laughed at her. "you really should try to befriend her. she's really nice. she had her faults but still, she is nice."

"that's not my question!"

"no need to shout. i heard you. and i answered you already. again, for the _nth_ time now, its all because of my brother, _yuuhi_, who _desperately_ wants to date her." sam said, rolling her eyes at her bestfriend.

"where is he anyway? and why did he leave his _date _flirting around with some other girl's guy?!"

"she's not flirting! they are just having a good time." sam was laughing at her again. "he forgot something at home and he went to pick it up. lighten up, will you? you're the one who left your date, i mean _your_ guy, at the dancefloor."

"blech! he's not my date! and he's certainly _NOT _my guy! he kept looking at _her _anyway. why should i bother?" meiling pouted, still throwing daggers at the two.

sam just laughed at her. there's no way she could talk some sense to her bestfriend while her mood is like this. she leaned her head on toya who has an arm wrapped around her shoulders. "dont kill me. i didnt start anything. you did. you were the one who first said he's your man." she said, still laughing.

"i'm going home." meiling suddenly said, standing up. "just tell _them_ i left." and without another word, she took off.

sam just sighed and looked at toya. smile plastered on her face as she studied the handsome face of her man. he doesnt like talking much, but when he did, it just makes her knees feel like jelly. and she didnt care how seldom he talks anyway. she feels safe with him, knowing he's just right beside her. she could spend all eternity just sitting side by side with him. he was her real happiness. and he told her once that she was his.

she looked at his eyes that had always carried deep meaning. one look in them and words are no longer necessary. she found out about his love through those eyes and been very happy just gazing through them. but now, as she gazed into his', her smile broke.

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_**yey!!! done chapter one... dont forget... read and review... **_


	2. aches of the heart

CHAPTER TWO: ACHES OF THE HEART

"she just came home?!" renzo growled. its been two days since the party, and he hadnt seen meiling since then. he had been so worried and wondered why is he the only one. they're on vacation on a foreign place, for crying out loud. she might get lost. "who's she with anyway?! why didnt she ring us even just to say she's okay?!"

it one o'clock in the afternoon and they are lounging around the house when meiling came home with a big smile plastered on her face. she greeted the sam who is in the patio reading a book and excused herself saying she's going to bed. sam raised an eyebrow noticing the spring in her heels as her bestfriend walked. 'she in a really good mood today.' she mused. minutes later renzo came hounding on her. apparently, he heard that meiling just came home and that she was the only person she talked to before disappearing into her room.

until now he couldnt understand what got her so ticked of that night that she left without him. he hadnt even seen her since she went to the bathroom. he had been so surprised when they all met before going home and noticed that meiling wasnt with them. he was even more surprised when sam informed them that meiling left early. he knew she is not one of the party girls but she always made an exception when she was with them.

"calm down, renzo." sam said, a smile playing on her lips. she dont understand why those two still havent officially hooked up. they're already acting like a couple, why not make it real? it would save them both a whole lot of trouble and not to mention screaming matches. "she called me after she went home the other night that she met a friend from a couple of years back. she didnt say who, though. seems like one of her friends when she still lived in california."

"and she just came home?!"

"relax renzo. she's grown up now. she can take care of herself. and besides, she looked like she had a good time." she said, turning back to her book. "you can ask her later. just let her rest for now."

she heard him take a deep breath, clearly trying to calm himself. he sighed and then sat at the railings in front of her.

"by the way, where's toya? i havent seen him since that night, too." he eyed her carefully as he noticed her tense up. "are you okay?" many things seemed to have happened on the party. first about meiling, then with toya and sam. he raised an eyebrow as she forced a smile on her face, opening her mouth to speak. "dont tell me its nothing. i know you better than that." he interjected before she got a chance to speak.

she sighed. true, he knows her. he's is chrostopher's best friend and they knew each other since they were kids. those two were inseparable and always partners in crime. she knew that better than anyone else because she was always in the butt end of their joke. but as they grew, they had been nicer and more protective of her. she looks at him as a brother and all her previous suitors often mistakes that he really is an unidentical twin of yuuhi.

"honestly i'm not really sure if anything's wrong." she said, her eyes on the closed book on her lap. "there seems to be something in his mind. and he's still not letting me in."

"dont worry. im sure that when he's ready, you're the first one who'll know." then he laughed. "geez! i'm positive about that! you're the only one he talks to. i'm not even sure i know his voice."

she smiled at that. "i hope so."

then the door opened and a stomping tomoyo went out, fumes coming out of her ears. when she saw them, she just gave them a glare, then took off.

"and i thought this was a vacation!" renzo exclaimed, slapping his had on his forehead. sam just laughed.

-------

turns out that eli went to the office because of an emergency, but he promised to be back the next day. he completely forgot that is was his and tomoyo's anniversary that he hadnt even greeted her. he was too busy explaining to her about the emergency and promised her he will be back definitely the next day as he finished up his tie and the things he needed to bring that he didnt notice the glare his girlfriend was giving him. he just looked up from what he's doing when he heard the door slam and tomoyo was no where in sight.

"HE'S SO INSENSITIVE!!!" she fumed as she walked to the pavillion. she's lucky syaoran knows the best places and this was one of the best vacation villages there is. it is complete with everything that anyone could ask for to relax. spas, massages, sports, and even video games. they had huge indoor and outdoor swimming pools with slides and just a couple of blocks from them, there is a lake that she was pretty sure she heard him tell sakura that was reserved only for them. views is not what she wants right now. its booze. so she's heading for the bar.

'another good thing in this place is its not crowded.' she thought as she drank her 4th glass of vodka. she could do anything she wants, even get wasted, and nobody will bug her. being renowned has its disadvantages. you can never really be alone even if you want to. and that's what she wants right now, to be alone. earlier she wanted to talk with sakura. she never keeps anything from her and her bestfriend always has a way to make her feel better. but she couldnt do it right now to her bestfriend. syaoran just came back after three years abroad. she couldnt part them right now. she knew how her bestfriend waited for him all those years. she turned down every guy who even just asked for her number. she knew they want to make up for lost time. there is always later. besides, they're room mates so she had all the time later.

meanwhile, she could either cry or get drunk. and she picked the latter, though she knew she'd up crying either way. she dont know why she bothered. she hadnt even drank more than two glasses of wine a sitting her whole life and now she's getting drunk. she's drinking vodka, its strength dizzying her with just four shots. she knew why.

yuuhi had been her first love - or at least, that's what she liked to believe. sam and him just lived next door so she knew him since they were little. he's just a few years older than her, and she always admired how he and renzo would protect sam. she had wondered how it would feel like to be in the center of his attention. but she was scared to show him her feelings. she kept her distance, and satisfied herself with just looking at him from her window.

then she met eli - cocky, egoistic and handsome eli. she hated his guts when she first met him. especially because he had this favorite past time of making fun of her and sakura. well, he and syaoran, that is. they are cousins, by the way, and moved into their school the same time when they were in second year in college. he was from london; syaoran from new york. two gorgeous, filthy rich guyz who decided to turn the lives of two of the most popular girls on campus a living hell. that went on until their senior year, that is until the girls got ganged up by a frat in their school and was almost raped. the boys came to their rescue and showed the girls their true feelings. turned out that they were too scared to show them their feelings that they settled on spending their time with them in screaming matches.

after graduation, syaoran had to leave because of a family emergency. he had to go back to new york - his father just died and he had to take over their corporation. she knew that her bestfriend had started love the man, even before they were harrassed. syaoran had asked sakura to wait for him, saying that he'll go back to her, and she did. she knows how her bestfriend love someone, she loves her whole heart, that even thought they hardly spoke those three years, she still waited for him, her love growing even more as the days go by.

her and eli's story was altogether different. even after he saved her, she still found him cocky and arrogant, but now she talked to him civilly. he had spent almost a year courting her, trying to win her heart, which she thought still belonged to yuuhi. then disaster struck - her mother died, and she was devastated. but eli had been with her in that lowest point of her life - so was sakura, but with eli it was different, she felt... safe - and she started to accept her real feelings. she realized that what she was feeling for yuuhi was merely brotherly love. she was an only child and her father left them when she was still a child. she never felt what it was like to be protected like sam, although her mother took care of her and loved her very much. but a father's and a brother's love is different, and that was what she saw in yuuhi.

with eli it was different. she felt really special. she feels like she could spend all eternity with him. and she felt safe with him. and she's not scared to let him know how she feels. they had officially been a couple a year after graduation and it had been a complete bliss with them together. sometimes, she even feels guilty when sakura caughts them together, which happens a whole lot since they live in the same house, because she knows that her bestfriend is also missing her love. but the past few days had been trying for their relationship. he was so busy with his work, he finally took over their family business, and she was also busy with the company of her own. they hardly talk now and was almost always arguing but the times they spent together was bliss. she was scared. she still loved him, but she feels neglected and she's also getting tired of their arguments. it feels like she's giving up on him. no, it feels like he's giving up on them. but she not quite sure why she feels like that. oh yeah, he didnt come after her when she walked out.

she looked at the tenth glass in front of her. 'i cant believe i drank this much!' she thought. her vision is swirling and her head is buzzing. she didnt feel the wetness of her cheeks. she tried opening her eyes all she saw was a blurred vision of a boy. 'eli,' she thought.

"dont leave me." her last words before she passed out.

-------

she opened her eyes. it was dark. she tried sitting up but her body feels like lead and she cant move. her head is buzzing. she blinked, getting accustomed to the darkness. then she realized she's lying on the bed. 'how did i get here?' she thought.

"good, you're awake." she heard a voice say and the lights suddenly went on. she shut her eyes at the blinding light.

"ouch!" she cried as she clutched her head who suddenly seemed to be attacked by a migraine.

"good for you! who told you to get drunk in the first place? you know you couldnt handle it!" she squinted to see the owner of the voice. and sure enough, her bestfriend was there, hands on her waist, glaring at her.

"how did i get here?" she asked weakly, willing herself to sit without throwing up. sakura walked up to the dresser and got a glass of water and some pills then gave it to her, still glaring though. "thanks." she said, drinking it.

"i got worried when i realized its already ten in the evening and you're not home yet. i know you're not with eli. i saw him leave alone. good thing renzo passed by the bar and saw you there wasted. he brought you home. and you havent answered my question - what had gotten through your mind and you decided to kill yourself with alcohol?!"

her heart ached again. she looked down on her hand on her lap. twitching involuntarily with her blanket. she thought all those alcohol would erase all the hurt she was feeling. but it didnt. it felt a hundred times worse because of the hangover she's having. now she felt the tears burn her cheek. next thing she knew was she was being embraced by her bestfriend, silently whispering words of comfort.

they stayed like that for a while. she let all her anger and fears and frustrations out. and when her tears dried out. she just clung to her friend, grateful for the comfort she's giving her.

after a few minutes, she pulled away. she gave her sakura a small smile. "thanks. i really needed that."

"what happened?" sakura asked her soflty.

"its nothing really." she said, trying to laugh. "i'm really emotional right now. you know, the time of the month."

sakura raised an eyebrow at her and said sarcastically "yeah right. and you've been having your period for almost a month now. you should see a doctor."

tomoyo hadnt had the heart to tell her bestfriend what was happening to her. syaoran had been back for only a week and sakura had been ecstatic two weeks before his arrival. sakura had caught her spacing out every once in a while but with her mood, its easy to stir her away from the topic. but she knew her bestfriend knows something is wrong and is just waiting for her to open up. she's thankful for this. she's afraid to voice out her fears, for it might make it more true.

"you and eli fought?" sakura asked softly. "he wasnt in a real good mood when he stormed out the house and banged the door literally out of its hinges." she laughed soflty at the memory, trying to make the mood lighter. "good thing syaoran and i was just in the living room and that syaoran knew how to fix doors. looking that he had broken some few on his own with that temper he has." she laughed again.

"he forgot our anniversary." tomoyo pouted, hugging her bestfriend who just chuckled.

"i dont think that's enough reason for you to kill yourself dont you think? what's bothering you, tomoyo?"

tomoyo sighed, trying to form the words on her mouth. "i think... i think we're growing apart..."

"what do you mean?"

"we hardly talk and we also argue a lot. the only thing good right now is making out, and that really isnt anything much. its getting pretty tiring. and i know he feels the same... he didnt even come after me when i walked away... he used to..."

"he's just got a lot on his mind. he's still here and he never left you. i doubt if he will. you guys had been through so much. he's not going to throw it away just like that."

"i know. i feel the same way. but i'm really scared. nothing is going right. i thought that we could be back to how it was before we got so preoccupied."

"dont worry too much, would you, girl? everything is going to turn out okay. i know it is. you just have to give yourself some time."

"i hope so. i still love him very much."

"he loves you, too. i know it."

-------

"i can take care of myself, thank you very much! stop nagging! you're not my father!"

"yeah right! 'i can take care of myself' my ass! why then did you spend _two _nights with a man, huh?! without even telling me?! i've been up those two nights worried about you and you're there enjoying yourself and getting laid!"

_SLAP_

"you really think i'm that... i'm that... _LOOSE_?! i hate you!_ I HATE YOU_! and i dont _ever _want to see your stupid face or hear you egoistical voice again! jerk!"

a door slammed then there was silence. sam was sure she heard someone sniff, then footsteps. another door slammed, this time, from the back. she felt safe now to go out of her hiding place. she wasnt really hiding - she was going to the living room from the kitchen when she heard renzo and meiling fighting. she knew not to interfere. its gonna be hell for her if her bestfriend's and renzo's wrath befell her. by now, she knew the temper of renzo, seeing it explode on her brother a couple of times. she wasnt really eavesdropping either. she was pretty sure that everyone within a mile of them heard their argument.

"but he went a little too far this time." she said quietly to herself. "he knew better than to piss her off like that. if he said those things to me, i'll blow up too, i think."

she was so busy with her thoughts and worrying about her bestfriend that she didnt hear the front door open softly and a man walked in. she was surprised when someone hugged her from behind. she relaxed when she realized who it was. she turned in his embrace and gave him one of her own. "where have you been?" she asked into his shirt.

"just out." toya answered quietly. she looked up at him when she noticed that his voice was pained. when she saw his face, her eyes widened. he had a bruise under his left eye and there was a cut on the side of his lips. tears started to form on her eyes when she realized how much pain he must be feeling right now.

"i'm okay. dont cry." he said, softly, touching her cheeks. "it doesnt hurt much."

she touched the cut on his lips and felt him twitch lightly. "what happened?"

"its nothing." he said, crushing her to him again. 'he's keeping something from me again.' she thought. the times he does that, it was usually because its nothing good. and it involved her. 'he's hurting again because of me.' she cried in her head and a tear fall.

his next words confirmed it all. "whatever happens, you know i love you, you know that, dont you?" she nodded in his chest. "dont feel bad. i dont care what happens to me, as long that you're with me. you're my happiness, so no matter what happens, dont ever leave me, okay?" she nodded again.

the first time it happened, it was only a few months after they knew each other. it had been love at first sight for her - she was captivated by the depth in his eyes and the mysteriousness of his actions. and she was happy to know that he felt the same way, although it had been really hard for him to express it. the first time he showed her about his feelings, it had been through a kiss. she was almost hit by a car and he saved her. then he kissed her and she was in ecstacy. nothing could compete with what she was feeling at the moment. since then, they had almost always been together. he barely talks but the way he looks at her makes her feel he knows her inside out. and she felt protected by him, and loved. by his simple ways, without words, he showed her his feelings. and it was far better than hearing it.

a few months in their relationship, he suddenly disappeared. she was heartbroken. she thought that he got tired of her and ran off. she hated herself for loving him and hated him for not having the guts to tell her that it was all a lie. she thought her heart will never be whole again, until he showed up at her door, his side bleeding and with bruises all over his body. he didnt tell her what happened. he just told her he was sorry and that it will never happen again. he never wanted to leave her. and he never will, willingly. she didnt press him, with his state, and because she was so happy he came back, although looking like hell.

then she knew what happened.

_she was going to his house one day, carrying food to make him feel better when she heard voices. she didnt want to eavesdrop but her legs failed her when she recognized toya's voice._

_"you are not supposed to fall in love! that's against the rules! you know there is no leaving us, and you know how it is to break the rules! man, please, look at yourself! they're gonna do this to you until you break. leave her. that's the best way for both of you." a voice that is unfamiliar to her, said._

_"they're not going to harm her?" toya's voice, tired and pained. and her heart hurt._

_"no. that's also against the rules. but man, dont you even care about yourself? i've been with you since the beginning. its hard for me to see you like this."_

_"i cant leave her. she's my only happiness. my sanity." his voice was soft and pained. 'toya! you fool!' she thought._

_"but..."_

_"without her i'm going to die as well. its better this way. at least i got to spend my life with her."_

_"man..." she heard the other man sigh in defeat. "i envy you sometimes. i wonder what it feels like to love someone like that... and to be loved back..."_

_"it makes all this hell feel like heaven just with a smile." she blushed at his words. she made up her mind. she was never going to leave him. and she's going to make sure she'll erase all the pain he's feeling, if she could. _

he never knew she knew part of his secret. but it hurt her everytime he disappears knowing he might be being tortured at the moment. and everytime he comes back, she would make him feel that she loves him, as much as he loves her. she hugged him more tightly, not wanting him out of her reach again.

-------

the sun was setting as she looked at the horizon. blue meeting red meeting gray. a beautiful picture. she heard the sound of the birds and the gentle sway of the trees. they all seem so peaceful, so happy. mocking her. her eyes blurred and she felt tears on her cheeks, she didnt bother to wipe them. she didnt care anymore. everything is a mess. and she doesnt care that she was shaking, not only because of the force of her tears, but also because of the cold. she doesnt care that it is getting dark fairly fast. she had always been afraid of the dark, partly because of her lack of night vision. but this time, she's not scared. she wanted to disappear in this darkness. to feel numb. for all this to go away.

"i told you i dont ever want to see you again!" her voice sounded softer than she wanted, but all the strength seems to be drained out of her. she had heard footsteps and without looking, she knew who it was. knew it in the sound of his footsteps, in his scent. two strong arms enveloped her and she struggled to get away, but couldnt. he was too strong for her, even if her own strength was with her. she just stiffened in position, letting him know she doesnt approve of his act, too tired to force herself away. he buried his head on the side of her neck.

"baby, i'm sorry. i didnt mean what i said." his voice was cracking.

"dont call me that!" she hissed.

he sighed. this girl had really got to him. he was so angry at himself for losing control like that, and he wanted to kill himself for saying those things to her. he just couldnt help it sometimes, like it was an autopilot or something, his defense mechanism. he wasnt keen on showing his feelings, much less on admitting what he really feels. he's afraid. afraid of getting hurt again. he loved once, loved truly with all his heart. but that doesnt seem enough. she left him to be with someone else and he couldnt take it, he just didnt understand it. was he not good enough? was it something he did? the what-ifs just kept on playing in his mind that he felt numb. he didnt want to hurt anymore so his subconscious took over. everytime he feels close on loving again, he does something to ruin it. better him than them, his subconscious is telling him, and that became his habit, his belief.

then he noticed meiling. she had been with him forever, since her bestfriend is the sister of his bestfriend. he saw her grow up, been with her those years and without knowing, she captured his heart. especially after he was left heartbroken, she had been with him, cried for him, and she had been a real close friend since. they never stopped bickering, but times came when they talk seriously with each other, telling each other of their deepest secrets.

then it happened. he realized his feelings for her, and he didnt know how to deal. he looked for signs, asked their close friends what to do and his heart warmed when they gave the same answer : "tell her your feelings, i know she feels the same way." but he couldnt. the memory of his past haunts him. although he had made peace with the person, his autopilot was still on, and he still couldnt trust himself to fall in love.

but now. seeing her like this, his defenses broke down. he was decided. he can take all the pain in this world just for her. suddenly, he wasnt so scared anymore. he had to tell her, to show her.

"i didnt mean what i said back then. i was just so worried about you. and i was angry and jealous that it wasnt me you spent your time with. you know i'm cocky, arrogant and possessive. you also know that i care a lot about you and i want you for myself." he whispered softly into her hear, letting his love drip from every word he had spoken.

she shivered slightly at the feel of his breath on her neck. she tensed even more at his words, not knowing if she'll believe him or not. 'is... is he... proposing?' she asked herself, thinking if she was just imagining it.

"i dont believe you." she said out loud. "you're still hang up with kaye. i can see it in your eyes when you look at her."

"i'm not..." he released his grip around her and then made her turn to look at him. he had his smirk back on his face, eyebrows raised. "you're jealous?"

she glared then him at looked away. no way is she going to give him the satisfaction that she he had gotten into her. his sly smile and his looks and quirky comments and the arrogant air around him. no way is she going to say that out loud.

what he did next made her eyes turn round. he suddenly stood up jumping up and down in glee, shouting in joy he pulled her up to him and jumped still, holding both her hand in his own. she loves him, too! maybe, just maybe, he wouldnt have to hurt again. all the same, he dont care about getting hurt, all he cares is that she's jealous and that means she's feeling something for him, too.

she was too stunned to speak nor to move. 'is he gone crazy? what did i say?' she thought in confusion.

"you're jealous!" he said, locking her into an embrace.

she rolled her eyes and said, "in your dreams."

"if you're jealous that means you like me, too!" he continued, ignoring her comment. "i'm so happy!"

"i like you, too?" its not his arrogance that surprised her, it was the word that made her go blank. 'too... which means... and he's happy... i dont get it... he loves kaye!'

she was still in shock that before she understand what he was doing, he held her in arms length to look at her briefly then kissed her full on the lips. her eyes widened even more. this was her first kiss. and it felt... it felt like... heaven.

he continued to work his wonders on her lips that eventually she lost control and kissed him back. she felt his tongue touch hers and everything else disappeared. she was such in a dreamy state that she wished time would stop and lock them into this forever.

when he pulled back, she had too blink a few times to get back her focus. and what she saw made her knees feel like jelly. she was glad he was still holding her because she knew she might have fallen if he did not. he was looking at her with such intensity and... love. her breath caught in her throat. and her heart skipped a beat. maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way about her.

"i'm really sorry about what i said earlier." he said, looking deep into her eyes. all her anger disappeared inside of her. and knew she could not deny her feelings anymore.

"i love you." she said, barely above a whisper. she hastily looked down, unable to meet his deepened gaze. her face had turned crimson and she was glad that it was dark.

when he heard her words, its as if time itself freezed. he couldnt believe it. he placed hid fingers on her chin making her look at him. she did, although, shyly and it was breathtaking how beautiful she looked under the moonlight. she was his. and there's nothing better in this world than that simple thought. he kissed her again, with all the feelings he had inside of him which earned him a moan from her. his arms slid on hers, feeling how cold she was. and he realized he had to break away and get her home before she gets sick. 'how long had she been out here?' he thought, guilt starting to eat him.

he wrapped her in his embrace, hoping he could share his warmth to hers. "let's go back." he whispered into her hair. "its freezing out here. you might get sick." she nodded. hand in hand, they went back home.

_**this is it! chapter two... please review... id appreciate it much much!!!**_


	3. happiness and pain coincides

CHAPTER THREE: HAPPINESS AND PAIN COINCIDES

"somebody's in a good mood today!" tomoyo sing songed as she watched renzo hums as he makes breakfast - for two. she glanced at meiling who sat, looking determined not to look at her, rather stiffly at the couch. she noticed the dark flush on her face and she just had to laugh. "you two are hopeless!" she exclaimed, waving at them as she went to the patio.

she really didnt feel like being in a bad mood today, although it feels like there is something tearing in her heart. she woke up this morning, a smile plastered in her face, as if daring the world to ruin her day. she quietely went out the room, careful not to wake sakura. then she smiled at herself, the whole world might be collapsing and still her bestfriend would have slept through it.

eli still hadnt called her and her smile faltered a bit. then she regained her composure. she's not the one who forgot. why should she feel guilty? she sipped on her coffee and tried to relax. breathing in her surroundings. it was really peaceful there. maybe she could take some of it inside of her.

"excuse me miss, but is this where..." she looked up at the sound of the voice that was a little familiar. what she saw shocked her. and apparently, also the person in front of her.

"hoooeeee!!!" was all she could do.

--------

sakura woke with a smile. she could feel kisses running down her neck and a comfortable weight on top of her. she smiled, keeping her eyes closed, basking in the moment. with all those years apart, she missed him so much. she missed him so much that she couldnt still get enough of him although they had spent almost every waking hour with each other. with eyes still closed, she wrapped her arms on the man's neck, pulling him closer to her.

"dont do that?" she looked at him, surprised by his tone of almost reprimanding her.

"do what?" she asked, sleepily at him, still smiling, and closed her eyes once more. she felt him settle in beside her and she moved nearer to him to be more comfortable, and buried her head on his chest.

"do this." he said, but held her closely still. "you didnt even open your eyes to see who it was. what if it was not me and you welcomed him."

she laughed at this, because she knew he was pouting. "okay." she said, suddenly standing up and seated herself on the chair on the far side of the room. he sat up, confused, as he ran his hand through his hair. "stay there." she said, when she noticed him starting to stand up.

she blushed when she saw him pout at her words. 'god, he looked so beautiful!' she thought.

"why?" he asked, with the puppy dog look of his that he knows sakura could never resist. he knows she was playing with him and he's enjoying every minute of it. he loved it when she blushes like that. it makes him want to tackle her down on her bed.

"you told me never to do that again." she said sweetly, fluttering her lashes.

he growled, lunging at her, covering her lips with his own, strangling her surprised cry. he couldnt stop himself from kissing her. she was simply irresistable.

she blushed at her sudden attack. she saw the look in his eyes before he pressed his lips to hers that made her go crimson. after a while, he was kissing her like a madman and that made her laugh. she was glad he wants her that much. and she knows she does, too.

"stop it, syaoran." she cried between giggles. "you're acting like a crazy person."

he looked up to her with all the love in his eyes and said, "all because of you."

she blushed again and gave him a small kiss. she forced herself to stand and she brought him along with her. he hugged her again and she giggled. "stop it. we had to go down, too, you know. the others might get suspicious."

he gave her again the sad puppy dog look again and said, "do we have to?"

she just laughed at him and pushed him out of the room.

-------

"what brought you here?"

"you knew each other?"

"when? how?"

"this is so great! its been so long since we last saw you. sakura would be very happy to see you!"

"who is it that i'll be very happy to see?" sakura came down the stairs with syaoran in tow when she heard meiling's and tomoyo's excited voices. she saw renzo leaning at the kitchen door, clearly not amused with the person that meiling and tomoyo had been fusing about. she threw him a confused look but he just shrugged at her. her eyes fall on the man standing in the living room and her eyes went wide. then a big smile appeared on her face and she squeelled in delight, as she ran up to the person and gave him a hug. and the two other girls just laughed.

"dont look at me, i dont know a thing. meiling did the very same thing when he entered the door." renzo said darkly when syaoran looked at him brows furrowed. renzo sighed and turn his back, going back to the kitchen.

"hoee!!! mikael! what are you doing here?" she cried, finally releasing him from her hug. she looked at her two other friends and asked, "who found him? i thought i buried him well and good during high school."

the four laughed. syaoran looked at each of the person's faces, clearly not understanding a thing. his frown deepened as he watch his girlfriend clutch his hand like a school girl looking up at her crush. 'who the hell is this guy?' he fumed, the green monster starting to take over him. he just stood at the bottom of the stairs, smoke starting to come out of his ears, as minutes ticked by, him forgotten, and the voices of three amused, overly excited and giggling girls sounded across the room.

"what the hell is happening here?" sam asked, going down the stairs, hands on her hips. she was trying to finish the book she had been reading on her room when the voices of the other girls interrupted her. they were so loud, she couldnt concentrate, so she decided to come down and make them turn their voices down. when she reached the bottom of the stairs, her eyebrows raised when she noticed the fuming syaoran, standing there, glaring at the living room. when she looked to the place he had been staring, she was shocked.

"what are _you _doing _here_?" the same lines sakura said in a different tone of voice. she sounded... irritated. the four looked at her and the man chuckled.

"i see you're still angry at me." he said, clearly amused.

she huffly went to him and punched him HARD on the shoulder. he just smirked at her and said, "i missed you, too, sam."

her frown deepened and she struggled not to smile. after a few moment of glaring at him, she couldnt help it, she flung her arms around his neck and said, "who said i missed you?!"

"still angry i ate the chocolates your first love gave you?" he asked her which made her blush.

"i'm never gonna forgive you for that." she smirked, releasing him from his embrace.

"this is really weird," tomoyo said, smiling her biggest smile for the last month. "who thought we all knew this baka over here."

then someone cleared his throat and sakura blushed slightly, and this made mikael look at her inquiringly. she detached her hand from his and went to the man who had went down the stairs with her, and intertwined her fingers with his. the man put an arm around her, as if saying, 'she's mine!'

sakura blushed. she was so overwhelmed by seeing her high school bestfriend that she had forgotten syaoran. she looked at him and saw his jaws clenched, clearly not liking the attention she had given the new man. when she reached him and held his hand, he placed an arm around her a little too strongly that she knew he was jealous. she smiled at him and gave him a little peck on the cheeks and whispered to his ear, "sorry bout that." his jaws unclenched, but his eyes still drew daggers at the new man.

sakura led him to the others and introduced each other. "syaoran, thats mikael, my bestfriend in high school." as she said that, his hand relaxed a little. "mikael, this is syaoran, my boyfriend."

the boys shook hands a little too tense, which made her raise an eyebrow. but she shrugged it off when the other girls started to talk again.

-------

"who gave them the permission to go out with that twerp?!" syaoran was fuming. he went out for a minute to buy some stuff for dinner, and when he got home, the girls are gone with none other than... _mikael._

"dont bite our heads off. we dont like it any more than you do." renzo was sitting on the couch, watching the television, trying to act indifferent, but his hands keep clenching and unclenching. "i just found a note on the fridge saying they've gone out. you can look at it yourself."

syaoran went to the kitchen and saw toya looking out the back door. he ignored him and went to the fridge.

_just went out to catch up on some things. be back later. dont worry about us and dont wait up. promise we'll behave. :) sakura, sam, meiling and tomoyo._

"yeah right, 'dont wait up' huh?" syaoran muttered to himself and plopped himself on the couch next to renzo. looking at the television but really unseeing.

-------

its now twelve midnight. the girls not yet in sight. syaoran is pacing the living room, renzo is glaring at the television as he sat on the couch and toya is standing at the foot of the stairs, almost as if he was sleeping. then suddenly he looked up, then faced the door. the other two caught his movement and they, too, stared at the door.

"why are you three looking at me like you want to kill me?" eli asked them, unamused as he walked into the room. renzo muttered something under his breath and resumed at his glaring at the tv. toya looked like sleeping again.

"what happened here?" eli asked, raising an eyebrow, looking at the three. and then he noticed the the environment of the house and noticed that it was quiet... too quiet. usually at this time people at the end of the block could still here the girls shrieking and giggling. but not tonight. what is more surprising is that the boys are complete. usually there is at least one of them missing, accompanied with another girl missing at the group of girls. he looked at syaoran, "and why arent you with sakura?"

"i should have been." syaoran fumed, forcing himself not to lash out on the others. "if only i could find her. or any of the other girls for that matter."

"what do you mean?" eli is confused.

"they're out. all of them. without us. and with mikael." renzo answered, with clenched teeth.

"who the heck is mikael?" eli asked, frowning, confused at the boys' expression and a little frustrated not to find tomoyo in. he went back today hoping to clear things up with her. he now knew why tomoyo acted like that yesterday. he had forgotten their anniversary, and he was being eaten with guilt that he came back as soon as he can.

"mikael is _back_?" they hadnt noticed yuuhi walk into the room. he had went home the night of the party because he had forgotten something which he really needs. then there was an emergency at work that he had to report there first. that is why he just came back. he was hoping that kaye would forgive him for abandoning her and was looking forward to making up to her. good thing she was staying just at the end of the block. he was surprised to find the boys in the living room, either frowning or fuming and when he heard the name, he understood.

"you know _him_?" syaoran asked him.

"hard not to, especially if your sister cant stop talking about him in grade school." yuuhi sighed, rolling his eyes over the thought. he noticed toya slightly tense at his words.

"who's he?" eli asked.

"hey, dont kill me. i have no idea how tomoyo nor sakura new him. all i knew is that he's the 'nice and sweet boy'" again he rolled his eyes. "as my dear sister put it, that she and meiling spend all their time with him their last years in grade school."

"sakura said that he's her bestfriend in high school." syaoran said.

"makes sense, after graduating in grade school, he got transferred, leaving my sister and meiling devastated."

"how come i dont know him?" renzo asked.

yuuhi shrugged. "we're already in high school at the time. and hearing about it at home is enough to be talking about it at school, too." then he stopped, a thought struck him. he looked at his watch. "they're out with him? right now? and they're still not home? and my sister is with them?!"

renzo sighed while eli rolled his eyes. "just realized, huh?" syaoran said, pacing around the room again.

-------

"hoooooeeeeeee!!!" sakura was laughing at the conversation they were having when she glanced at her watch to see it was already five o'clock, in the _morning_.

"you okay?" mikael asked her, concern in his voice.

she chuckled. "i just realized how fast time flies. to see that we had only been talking this whole time."

sure enough, when they left the rest house the day before, they went to a restaurant to eat. thank god that it is open twenty-four hours and they werent kicked out yet. sakura, tomoyo, meiling and sam were having such a great time that they havent realized the time and they forgot to call home.

"now, i'm not surprised how you spent two days with this guy." sam said to meiling, in between laughs. "he never shuts up!"

he gave her a small punch on the head. "as if you dont talk non stop, too. you have not changed."

"so do you." sam replied.

"syaoran is going to kill me." sakura sighed, a small smile on her face as she imagined the look on her boyfriend's face when she walk into the house later. "same thing that toya would do to you, sam and eli to you tomoyo and renzo to you meiling." she laughed as she pointed to each of her friends.

sam laughed. "i'd be more than happy to get that reaction from him!"

"you have a point." sakura sighed, rolling her eyes.

"we dont even know if he's there yet." tomoyo pouted.

"and renzo's not my boyfriend!" meiling exclaimed.

"who said that he is?" sakura said to her, raising an eyebrow. "you're so defensive." meiling blushed. sakura sighed again, smile still on her face. "well, seems like i'm the only one who'll be doomed."

"dont worry, i'll take of you." mikael said huskily as he placed an arm around sakura's shoulders. she blushed a little and laughed with the other girls.

"i see that you still hasnt changed, play boy." she told him, good naturedly, slapping his arms away. nobody noticed a shadow pass through his face. he forced a laugh with them.

"so you're all taken, i suppose." mikael asked, a twinkle in his eyes. then he pouted. "i was hoping that i could date at least one of you."

the girls laughed again. he had been their crush at one point in their life - sam and meiling in their elementary years, tomoyo and sakura in high school. actually, sakura and him dated for a few months in their third year of high school.

"you're really such a playboy!" meiling exclaimed.

"hey!" sam turned to her bestfriend, slapping her playfully on the shoulders. "you didnt deny it?! that was a first! what happened last night, huh? and i thought i was your bestfriend!"

meiling blushed, not knowing how to go on. "well... i... i... kinda told him... i love him...' she whispered.

"hooooeeee!!!!" the girls shrieked, and mikael laughed at the look on their faces.

"what did he say?"

"what did you do?"

"what happened?!"

"hey one at a time." meiling laughed, shyly. her blush deepened. "well... he... he was the one who first said he likes me... and... and... he... kissed me..."

mikael laughed again at the renewed shrieks that a few decibels louder. sakura, tomoyo and sam stood up to hug meiling.

"at last!"

"finally!"

"i'm so happy for you!"

"why did you just tell us now?!"

"girls, girls, calm down." mikael said, still laughing. he noticed the glares the employees of the restaurant are giving them. "or else we'll be kicked out of here."

"tell us every single detail." sam said, as they resumed their seats and looked expectantly at the blushing meiling.

-------

the sun had fully risen because its well before noon when they reached the rest house. they had been talking for a little over twenty-four hours now and their throats are soar with all the shrieking and they are also sleepy and tired, being up for a day and a half now. they stood for a moment at the front of the house, kinda scared at what lies inside.

"here goes nothing." sakura sighed opening the door. the girls gaped when they found the house empty. they imagined the boys to be waiting in the living room, waiting to pounce them when they return.

"weird." tomoyo said, looking around the room. there was no note or anything.

"guess they went out for a little boy time alone and to get back at us." meiling said, stiffling a yawn. "i'll worry about this later. really had to sleep." then she went to her room.

"me, too." tomoyo said. sam and sakura followed them, too tired to think.

then sakura suddenly stopped, making the others look at her. "uhmmm..." she started, looking at her feet. "can we stay in a room? im kinda scared when i wake up and go down by myself."

meiling smiled. "sure. i'm kinda scared myself. we all go down together later?"

they all smiled their consent and went to meiling and sam's room.

-------

when sakura woke up, the first thing she did was look at her watch. "hooooeeee!!!" she exclaimed, her eyes snapping wide. she had been asleep for fifteen hours.

"what's going?" meiling said, groggily, sitting up, eyes still closed.

sakura looked around the room and looked at tomoyo, who was sitting by the dresser, looking scared. she found sam leaning by the door, listening to something.

"they're back." tomoyo whispered. tomoyo woke up through the sound of a door banging shut and loud voices. she looked at sam who also sat up at the sound.

meiling fully awake now, catching words of the shouting that was happening downstairs.

"they're still looking for us." sam whispered as she continued to listen to the door. "shit! yuuhi is back." then she looked at tomoyo, "and so is eli."

meiling sighed. "they're gonna kill us."

-------

"what do you think you're doing?!"

"you almost killed us with worry!"

"you should have at least called!"

"we almost called the police to look for you!"

"are you insane?!"

"what were you thinking?!"

"and you didnt even leave a note saying that you're already here?!"

"do you have any idea how worried we were?!"

the minute the girls walked down the stairs, sheepish looks on their faces as they looked at their shoes, the boys hounded on them, not permitting them to walk any further. they were stuck in the middle of the stairs, being scolded by _five_ men who are almost ready to take their head off, well four, toya was just standing at the side, staring at sam.

"sorry..." the girls chorused, still looking at their feet. then a stomach growled, which made them look at each other on alarm. when they realized what it was, they laughed.

"_WHAT - IS - SO - FUNNY_?!" syaoran demanded.

the laughter died, but the smiles were left on their faces as they looked at their shoes again. "we're hungry." they chorused.

yuuhi and eli sweat dropped but immediately recovered and was now pointing to the girls... "you...!!!" veins are sticking out of syaoran's and renzo's throats, and toya is still staring at sam with his unreadable face.

suddenly, toya moved from his spot and walked to sam. for a moment he just stood there, looking at sam, sam not being able to meet his gaze continued to look at her feet. the other boys are gaping at them and the other girls tried to hide their smiles. then, toya wrapped his arms around her, giving her a hug. sam hugged him back, whispering, "sorry..." he released her and started to lead her to the kitchen. the other girls immediately followed, hiding behind the two from the glares they were receiving.

-------

the girls were chomping down their food as the boys were gaping at them. dumbstruck at how fast they are eating. a table to seat ten that was literally full of food two minutes ago is now half empty.

"what did you do the past forty-eight hours that left you this hungry?" yuuhi asked, awed by what he's seeing. four women with perfect figures, forgetting all manners and now are eating to their heart's content.

"we've been sleeping for fifteen hours." sam replied, between mouth fulls. "havent eaten for twenty..."

"you've been here for half a day already and you didnt even tell us?!" syaoran shouted. making them jump to their seats, but after a second, they resumed their eating.

"sorry. we were sleeping." sakura replied.

"why didnt i see you in your room?" eli demamded.

"we slept at meiling and sam's room." tomoyo replied. eli looked at her curiously, hinting indifference in her voice.

"what have you been doing all those time?" renzo asked.

"talking with mikael at a restaurant outside the village." meiling answered, giving him a small shy smile. he blushed a little and turned away.

"we're done!" sakura said, happily, standing up. sure enough, all the food is gone. as if it was never there the first place, which again stunned the men. she walked up to syaoran, who has his face stubbornly turned away from her. she tried to make him look with her hands on the sides of his face, but he wouldnt move. she sighed, rolling her eyes. she suddenly dragged him out the house through the back door, her sudden movement catching him off guard, making him follow her. "dont disturb us there, girls. find your own spot." she called back at the other girls who smiled or giggled their acknowledgement. they understand that she need the place more than they do.

"i'm going to sleep again. still tired." tomoyo said, walking up the stairs, giving them a wave without looking back.

'she doesnt sound like one.' eli though, his brows wrinkling in confusion. he stepped out of his daze and quietly followed her.

yuuhi disappeared a few minutes later, seeing that his sister was safe. 'i'll scold her later.' he thought, walking to the house at the end of the block. 'some thing i need to do first.' a smile went to his lips.

meiling and renzo were looking at each other, a light flush on their cheeks. they are so absorbed with each other that they havent notice the people disappear around them. only when meiling looked around, her eyebrows raised their confusion that they realized they are the only ones left at the kitchen.

she looked back at renzo, who suddenly looked away. "i'm still angry at you." he pouted, his arms crossed.

she smiled. 'he looks so cute!' she thought. ignoring her instinct to pinch his cheeks which she loves to do on cute little kids and that what he looks like now. a big, goofy kid.

he wasnt really angry. he was angry when he didnt know where she was. he was so worried that he had this urge to beat the hell out of mikael the second time he saw him. he wasnt angry only because that he kept his special someone (he's not yet sure whether or not he could already call her his girl) for almost twenty four hours, but also because of their overly closeness with each other. the latter was a bit unfair for he knew later on that the other three did exactly the same thing when they saw the guy, but still, the green monster bit his heart. but when he saw her come down the stairs, relief washed over him. when she smiled at him earlier, it was hard to continue to be angry. especially after what she said to him the other night.

she took his hand in hers and it made him look at her. she gave him a quick kiss on the lips and blushed furiously, looking down. "sorry i worried you... again." she whispered.

he was stunned when she kissed him. 'does this mean... does this mean we're really...' his stunned look was immediately replaced with a big smile. he suddenly hugged her, and it was her turn to be shocked. she was so confused at his sudden change of mood. she laughed inwardly. 'he really is a kid.' she thought, amused. but when he kissed her, longer and with more passion, she lost the ability to think.

-------

eli was standing outside sakura and tomoyo's room a few minutes before he decided to turn the nob and enter. the whimpers suddenly disappeared and was replaced by an uncomfortable silence. she didnt move. she didnt acknowledge his presence, which she only does when she's really pissed off or really sad.

"dont pretend you're asleep. i know you're not." eli said quietly as he sat on her bed.

but she continued to pretend, wishing he would take the hint and leave. she doesnt want to talk to him right now, especially at her state.

he hugged her from behind, as he laid beside her at the bed. he rested his head at the side of her neck, inhaling the scent of her hair. he felt her shiver as she tried to suppress the fresh tears that threatened to fall.

"i'm sorry i forgot." he said, softly, burrying his face on the saide of her neck, inhaling her sweet scent.

"eli, i'm tired." she said, quietly, her voice pained. he knew what she means, her tiredness is more of the emotional than the physical. his heart ache, for he feels the same thing. they had been together for so long, they had years of happiness, compared to weeks where they had been suffering. life is indeed cruel. all the laughters can be washed away by a little pain. everything you had worked for for years can be gone in an instant.

"i know, hun... i know..." he whispered. he also knew what she did when he left that day. he knew how he hurt her and how he almost hurt herself. "but i love you so very much that i know i'd die without you. i never want to give you up. please let us make this work. you're my only sanity." she turned so that she could face him and buried her face in his chest. after a while he could feel the wetness of his shirt, and he knew that she was crying again. she's scared. she's scared of the possibility that he might not be in her future. he's scared, too, not knowing if could be able to make it work. they both got a lot in their hands and they're new in this area. its hard to keep communication open. but he knows and she knows that they'll do anything and sacrifice a whole lot just to be together.

"i love you..."

"i love you, too..."

-------

sakura dragged syaoran, literally, to the lake, ignoring the cold considering it is already two o'clock in the morning, and the pain at her side. she knew she shouldnt push herself especially after eating but desperate times need desperate measures. syaoran is still fuming and if she dont do anything soon, he might do something stupid or break mikael's neck.

but when they reached the edge of the lake, she couldnt take it anymore. she released his hand and went to her knees, clutching her sides. she closed her eyes, willing the pain to go away.

"are you okay?" syaoran asked her. she opened her eyes to smile at him. then she stood to reassure him that she's okay. but the pain struck her that she almost doubled over. syaoran caught her in time and embraced her, gently sitting her down on the ground.

"thanks." she smiled weakly at him as the pain numbed a little. it was still there, pricking her side, but now she could handle it.

"what happened?" he asked, concern in his voice.

she laughed lightly. "stupidity. in my hurry to make up to you, i forgot i shouldnt push myself after eating. especially after a whole truckload that i managed to fit in my stomach." she laughed again.

"that wasnt funny." he said, frowning at her. yes, he was still angry at her but everytime she hurts herself on his account, he cant help but be angry at himself more. he hated himself when he couldnt tell her how he feel about her back in college and all that he did was tease her. he hated himself when he had to leave her just when she had told him that she feels the same way. now, he hated himself because she had to push herself so that she could just make up to him. she shivered uncontrollably when a gust of wind past them and involuntarily, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, holding her close, trying to keep her warm.

"i'm still angry at you, though," he murmured, as she leaned on to him.

he felt her smile and he sighed. he cant stay mad at her, no matter what she does or how crazy she is. he cant stay angry at her although he almost died in worry when she didnt come back home after spending almost a whole day with someone that can be considered as practically a stranger. and a _MAN_. but now that she is here with him, his anger slowly fades away and just a smile in her face makes him forget all the lectures he was suppossed to give her.

"i'm sorry." she said quietly. she sat there, leaning on his shoulder, looking across the lake when she said those words. "its just that we were really excited when we saw mikael again and we were having such a great time that we lost track of the time, and when we noticed that it is already dawn, meiling just remembered to tell us that she and renzo shared their first kiss." she laughed lighlty, her voice were kind of like a child whining when she explained. he rolled his eyes at the last bit of information.

'so that's why he was so cranky.' he thought. he knew renzo was attracted to meiling even before he had to go abroad, maybe even before he realized it. he saw the glint in his eyes everytime he talks about the girl, even just to say how annoying she is. he knew that meiling is interested, too. he could feel it everytime the girls huddle together, could see it in the way she treats him. and now that he and meiling was finally able to admit to themselves and to each other their feelings, he had to witness her embrace excitedly another man. 'i'd wrung his neck if i was him.' he thought darkly, remembering how close he felt in doing just that when sakura gave him her own enthusiastic embrace.

"... but you guys werent home when we came back and we were so tired that we decided to sleep than wait for you." he directed his attention back to her ramblings of the events of the day.

"tell me more about that mikael." he said, once she quieted down. he dont know why he felt something tug at his heart when she says his name, and it doesnt help when he felt her tense up. everytime she speaks of him, her voice was laced with happiness and excitement - that was understandable. but he felt that there was something else. was it... sadness?

"oh." she exclaimed, unsure how to proceed. then, she slowly told him how they met and how they bacame friends. she laughed a few times as she recalled some times she shared with him and tomoyo. then he found the trace again. he couldnt see her eyes, but he knows it was slowly starting to cloud over. she paused for a while and sighed. she continued tentatively and he found out the reason for his uneasiness.

he had been her first love. he supported her when he mom died and he never let her cry on her own. he washed away her sadness and found a way to make her smile everyday. syaoran sensed her tense some more and found the sadness again, more pronounced this time, but now it was with something else. something he couldnt put a finger to. regret, perhaps? what happened to them? why did he leave? were they... together?

she stopped speaking. she didnt tell him what happened after. but he didnt push her. either he was afraid of what she was going to say or because she had gone sentimental that now is not the time to interrogate her. he knew her enough by now. to push her when she's sad would only make her draw back. he'll never find his answer. he settled for this reason, dying out the voice in his head that is saying otherwise.

she suddenly turned to him and looked into his eyes lovingly and his doubts was completely washed away. "its all in the past now." she said, holding his face in both of hers. "im with you now. i love you." he quieted his overly working mind and closed his eyes, letting himself drown in her kiss.

_**haha... chapter three here!!! hope to get at least 20 reviews before uploading the remaining chapters... haha... so review!!!**_


	4. the enemy within

CHAPTER FOUR: THE ENEMY WITHIN

"lunch girls!" came a disgruntled voice from the kitchen. sakura sighed. 'here we go again.' she thought, hastily standing up.

its been a week since that moment by the lake. a memory of the time popped into her mind and she smiled. her face turned crimson as she remembered what happened - or to put it more bluntly, what ALMOST happened. she pulled herself from her thoughts, afraid that someone might read the expression on her face and followed the others to the dining room. mikael was with them again and she stiffled a laugh. she knew the reason for syaoran's grumpiness, simply because it shows only when mikael is within a five-meter radius of her.

she remembered the time mikael first showed up at their doorstep after the girls' 'disappearing act' and she laughed inwardly. the girls had to literally enclose him on a human barricade to protect him from the hounding of the men. she remembered his reaction back then, and she laughed. he was so scared that he looks like he's going to wet his pants.

"what are you laughing about?' mikael asked, walking beside her, ruffling her hair.

"a distant memory." she teased him, with a knowing look on her face. he blushed a little and glared at her, before sticking out his tongue, making her laugh more.

aside from that, the week had been uneventful, but not exactly dull either. it was amusing to see the glares the men had been giving everytime the girls giggle at mikael's remarks. her eyes rested at her long lost friend that sat across her at the table. he was talking animatedly with the other three girls, who are laughing their heads off. she missed him, the thought just occurred to her. he made her laugh during that time. what happened after was not all that pleasant but still, she'd rather dwell on the good times than the bad. she's happy they're still friends. she was reminiscing about the past when she felt the hand on her shoulder stiffen, and she blushed. she forgot he was there, looking at her at the corner of his eyes. she looked up at syaoran who had his nose defiantly in the air.'he's so cute when he's jealous.' she thought, smiling sweetly at him. she squeezed his hand reassuringly and she felt him loosen up a little. 'i'll show him that later.' she thought, a mischievous grin on her face.

-------

somehow, renzo and meiling ended up walking in the park, hand in hand. renzo unusually quiet and meiling frowning up at him every once in a while. she rolled her eyes, although she knews he hates it when she does that - he's too preoccupied to notice anyway.

she blushed as she caught sight of their hands intertwined. she dont know where or how they started holding hands.they just did. like how they ended up there in the park, in the dead of the night, just walking. felt weird, but it feels perfect - if only he'd look at her every now and then.

mikael had left a little late that afternoon, telling them that he might be interrupting them already. she laughed at that. she knew he was enjoying himself teasing the boys. she remembered the amused smile on his face when eli exclaimed 'finally!' and tomoyo slapped him in the arm, telling the guy to shut up. he was enjoying so much that he took an awfully long time to say goodbye and walk out the door. renzo almost threw him out of the front door if meiling hadnt caught his arm. he blushed a little, looking away, but he didnt move afterwards.

mikael had been spending a whole lot of time at their house lately. she couldnt understand why. she's sure he had came to this place with his friends. come to think of it, he hadnt mentioned that before. he also hadnt told him yet why he came back or where he disappeared to after high school. he was particularly close to sakura, much to the anger of syaoran, who would take it out on anyone who annoys him but sakura. their closeness really isnt a problem; she knew that they were best friends back then. because she keeps on seeing something in his eyes everytime he looks at sakura or talks to or about her. she frowned at that. she couldnt put a word to it, but it felt... weird.

she sighed. she shouldnt be worrying about that, she had a lot to worry about as it is. on top of her list was her so-called date for the evening who hadnt as much as looked at her since he nervously asked her out for a walk. obviously, she agreed. she's beat, but she agreed, wanting to spend time with him. now, thinking about it, she's seriously thinking that she should have gone to bed.

"hey!" she tugged on his arm, making him face her. she fought the urge to roll her eyes at his look of complete daze. "when you said you wanted to walk, i never thought you meant that literally." she sighed. "i'm really beat. can we go home now?"

he blinked a few times, as if remembering why he was there in the first place. she now rolled her eyes at him, exasperated at his lack of response. she pulled her hand away from his grasp and walked away, looking forward to sleeping the whole day tomorrow.

it took another full minute for renzo to gain control of his senses and was able to rush after meiling. its been more than a week since she had confessed her love for him but he still wasnt sure of where they stand. sure, they held hands and kissed a few times since then but he wanted to hear it from her. he blushed as the memories of their first kiss lingered in his mind. he wants her and he wants her bad. and most importantly, he wants the whole world to know that. he was never keen on sharing, and he definitely is not going to share her with anybody. but he doesnt want her to commit to him because he wanted her to; he wants her to want to be with him as much as he does, and he has to know.

he asked her to walk with him so that he could know what she really feels about this relationship thing, if he could call it such. that is why he was so spaced out. sure, she had confessed her love for him, but so many things - ie. a certain person who decided to waltzed back into her life who bears the name mikael - had happened since then and maybe she had already changed her mind. he had to know where they stand, but he couldnt quite know how to say it. he didnt want her to think that he was just doing it because of her confession. he wanted to make it special for her, memorable, so that if everything goes well, they'll have this memory to cherish until the end of time.

he also wanted to prove to himself and to her that he had moved on. that he is no longer afraid and is willing to take a risk with her.

he chuckled as he ran after her. since when had he became a romantic fool? well, he knew the answer to that all too well. since meiling walked into his life.

he caught her before she was able to step out of the park. he caught her arm to make her face him. the moon was casting a glow to her features that she was almost breathtaking to his eyes. a blush crept up her cheeks as she noticed the look he was giving her. his hand automatically pushed a lock of hair out of her face, his finger lingering on as he caressed her cheeks and lips. this was perfect, she was perfect. and he knew, no amount of NON-practice will ever screw this up. he had let his heart took over his body, guiding him fo what he must do.

"i'm sorry to keep you up this late. but there was something i had to know." he tilted her chin up to him as his thumb continued to caress his cheeks. "i love you, i have loved you for a very long time though i find an awfully hard time showing it. i'm sorry. its just that you know what i went through and it just became involuntary for me to drive women away, not that i'm justifying it or anything. i'm glad that didnt work on you, though." he chuckled lighly, and his heart skipped a beat as her cheeks blushed even more. "i want you and i want to be with you every single minute of every day. i hope you feel the same way. meiling, would you be my girl?" (a/n this sucks i know... i dunno how to make it more romatic, though... seeing that i havent felt what it is like to be proposed to yet... sigh sigh and sigh darn... why are my characters have better life than i do??? life...)

she chuckled, catching him off guard. that was not the reaction he was expecting at all. was she... was she making fun of him? the beginnings of a glare crept up to him face until she pressed a hand to his cheeks, her laughter fading softly. "idiot. why do you think i'm letting you hold my hand if i dont?" he was about to retort something but she silenced him with a soft kiss on the lips. "of course, silly. i love you."

-------

"answer the goddamn phone!" sam exclaimed, pacing through the park. she heard the voice mail click and she hung up, redialling the number afterwards, hearing the rings again, but still, no one picked up.

she woke up that morning to find that toya went missing again, and her instinct told her that that is not good. she was scared. he was disappearing more often now, and when he comes back, its worse every time. she dialled the number again, trying to quench the fear and the agony that was building within her.

suddenly, a hand grabbed her wrist, but the flicker of hope that it might be toya died as she looked up at the man. she winced at the his painful grip.

"stay away from toya." he said menacingly. his grip on her tightened. "if you love him, you'd stay away. or i'll kill you before it gets any worse."

"who are you? what are you talking about?" she choked back the tears. she knew what its all about, she even knew the man. it was the same man she saw toya talking to that day, many months ago. was it really going worse? are they going to kill toya?

"it doesnt matter who i am!" he barked. "you dont deserve him so stay away! i wont let you hurt him anymore!"

"i'm not hurting him!" she exclaimed, trying to release herself from his grip, but he was too strong. "i dont understand what you're talking about!"

"just stay away-"

suddenly, he had released her and she had fallen on the ground. he heard the man cry in pain and then a couple of strong arms had held her.

"are you okay?" she looked up and saw toya with concern in his eyes. she tried to smile despite her tears.

"what are you doing?!" the man exclaimed, holding his bloody nose that toya had punched. "why are you still with her?! look at the mess you are! dont you even care for yourself?!"

toya stood, taking sam along with him. his usually expressionless face is now filled with rage that the man reeled in fear, but he decided to stand his ground.

"look at yourself! you'd die if you continue this up!" the man continued.

"you will not touch her again." toya stated quietly, emphasizing each word, making sure that the man in front of his will catch every single one of it. his voice deadly calm but frightening. sam looked at his face, scared at the tone of his voice and even more at the look of fury in his eyes.

"BUT - "

"leave! before i change my mind!" toya snapped, turning to sam and hugging her.

with a last glare at sam, the man left, not wanting to be on the receiving end of toya's temper. he knew him enough to be scared at what might happen to him if he didnt. he knew he got to the girl, anyway. he just hope she would do the right thing before something bad happens to either one of them.

-------

tomoyo is trying _VERY_ hard not to laugh, considering that they are so not in a situation where in its a laughing matter. but she's having an awfully hard time keeping a straight face.

she and eli were fighting. about what? she had no idea. she just forgot about it, halfway into their argument, when she realized how crazy they look. if only she had her camera, she'd be filming _THEM_. so kawaii!!!

eli glared at her as he watched her face. she was trying very hard not to laugh and it made him more angry. was she making fun of him? of them? he was about to walk out on her when she started laughing hysterically as if he had just told her his funiest joke. but she held him back, clutching his arm, so all he could do was glare at her with all the hatred that he can muster as she tried to control herself.

"sorry." she said, apologetically, though still smiling wildly. "i didnt mean to laugh. i mean, you were just so funny!" he glared at her some more, and she shook her head, chuckling a little. "i mean, _we_ are funny. we sound like teenagers, for crying out loud! to think we own two of the largest companies in this country and yet, we cant even compromise in this little thing we were arguing about. whatever it is. sorry, i forgot about it already." she added, sheepishly.

he was frowning at her, thinking of what the heck she was saying, and that made her laugh again. though he didnt want to, his anger seems to lift just because of it. come to think of it, their situation _IS_ funny. two ceo's fighting over where to eat. all the same, her laughter is infectious, and the next thing he knew, he was laughing his head off beside her.

-------

"i had told you once and i am telling you again - _I WILL NEVER APPROVE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT WOMAN! _your father had wanted you to marry jane, and you are not going to disappoint him nor will i let you ruin his reputation! i am not going to let you embarass this family over some girl who doesnt even deserve you in the first place!"

sakura felt numb. she couldnt believe what she was witnessing in front of her, she could believe her ears, nor her heart and mind would believe that this is really happening. she had gone down after taking a short afternoon nap when she found this little scene. syaoran was standing in the center of the living room having a really loud and scary argument with none other than his mother. and there was a really pretty girl, sitting comfortably on the couch as if enjoying the scene, a smug look on her face making her more like a bitch than a lady. if she had allowed herself to think, she might have asked why the heck she is the only one watching them or where had the others gone to. if she had allowed herself to think, she might have confronted his mother or ran out of the house. but her mind failed her, her heart breaking and numb, and she was stuck there, to witness everything.

"you will not insult sakura in front of me, mother." syaoran's voice, deadly calm, his last word sarcastic as if he would have caller her anything but that. "i love her. and i will not let you control my life."

"and i am not going to let you throw away everything that your father and i had worked so hard for. i will not let you ruin this family and your life. and i am never going to let you break the promise that your father had made to jane and her father." his mother's voice as serious as his, venom oozing out of every word. sakura flinched.

but syaoran and the other girl, she thought probably was jane, was unfazed. "going through this marriage will ruin this family and my life. i'd rather die." syaoran said, with the same voice as his mother's.

pain wrenched her chest and she found it hard to breathe. everything seemed to swirl aroun her. she couldnt hear what they were saying any more. the last thing she heard was a door slam before darkness enveloped her.

-------

it was two in the morning. she knew it was late. but she had to go out. she cant take it anymore. she had to go out.

sakura had awoken to find herself tucked in bed. she didnt know how she got there and she didnt care. all she knows is that the pain she was feeling was overwhelming.

quietly, she opened her door in her room. she sighed in relief when she realized that they were all asleep. she left a note for tomoyo so she'd not worry and send the cops to look for her. she was happy that she could count on her bestfriend for anything. but she didnt feel like having company today. last thing she needed now was someone fussing over her. she didnt want to talk, she just want to be alone.

next thing she knew, she was sitting in a bar, drinking her 8th glass of 'the strongest you got,' - that was what she said to the bartender, if she remembered correctly. she took a sip, it tasted awful but she felt warm, though the pain still wouldnt go away. she emptied the glass in one gulp.

sakura felt stupid. for the first time in her life, she regretted something, first time she felt really stupid. she felt stupid for waiting for syaoran, for believing him, for loving him. why did she wait for him for three awful years? he's engaged for goodness sake! he's never going to be hers anyway. why did she bother? she felt stupid because, somehow, she felt sorry for him, someone who is bethrothed not to his beloved. that must have sucked. she finished another glass of the alcohol. she smiled at the glass. 'may he have the best life... in hell.' she thought, raising the glass as if she was giving a toast. she pitied him really, forced to marry a snotty rich bitch that would would just hurt him and cheat on him. 'you deserve it.' she thought, her mind growing fuzzier by the minute.

he was engaged... not to her...

his mom doesnt approve of her...

he's going away...

he's leaving her...

she blinked. she counted the glasses in front of her. 16. 'that's nice.' she thought. 'now i'll know what a hangover feels like.' she hadnt had more than 2 glasses of wine in her entire life. she asked for another glass, and emptied in one gulp. she shook her head. the bartender must have done it wrong. it didnt feel like it was the strongest they got. drinking suppossed to make you forget. but why the hell is this alcohol not working? its making it worst with the headache she was starting to get.

she was about to ask for a stronger dose when she felt a hand on her wrist, stopping her movement. she looked up and found herself staring at a pair of familiar looking eyes, that was facing her, concern etched in his every feature.

"mikael!" she feigned surprise, trying to laugh, but her movement caused her head to spin so she leaned on the bar, looking at him on the side. "i didnt see you come in. sorry."

"what do you think you are doing?! trying to kill yourself by alcohol?!" he barked at her.

this made her shot her head up, glaring at him, ignoring the pain the sudden movement brought her. how dare he? he had no business to be there. he hurt her. they all hurt her. he didnt do any better than syaoran. he was worse. he made her believe. he told her he'll never leave him. he...

she was surprised when he suddenly hugged her. she hadnt realized that she was crying, as her thoughts found past hurt again. his smell felt so familiar, and he was so warm. fresh tears are starting to form in her eyes. and before she knew it, she had hugged him, crying with everything she got. hoping that afterwards, everything inside her was gone. but sadly, she knew the answer to that already.


	5. cross roads

CHAPTER FIVE: CROSS ROADS

its been a week.

a hell of a long week.

syaoran was at his office looking at the window wondering what the hell he was doing there. he was supposed to be still in vacation. but there he was, working his butt off again. as if he was making any progress. his mind is so preoccupied that he hardly makes any work done. he laughed at himself. man, he was pathetic.

his mind is on her again. sakura. he hadnt seen her since that night. the night that ruined everything. he laughed at himself again, but this time it was more forced. he wasnt even able to smile. he hurt the only woman he loves. and he hadnt seen her since.

he knew she had heard, knew by the look on her face before she fainted. knew by the way she sneaked out of the house after to God knows where. he knew by the way mikael looked at him when he gave him the unconscious sakura, who smelled like alcohol and her face was tear stained. he knew by the way tomoyo and the others wouldnt tell him where she was after she had disappeared again the following day. he sucked, big time.

what an irony! here he was, the owner of the largest company in all of asia and he cannot find a girl. he had tried everything he can, and still he could not find her. she's not in her house, and she's not answering calls. well, his calls at least. he was pretty sure she had gotten in touch with the others.

that was why he had cut his trip short, too. not having the enthusiasm to party on anyway without her. life sucks without her and he blew it. nobody to blame but him.

he hadnt told her about the engagement. he hadnt had the time and... well... he didnt want to tell her. what will he say? that his father wanted him to marry some daughter of his long time friend? and that though he didnt want to, he had no choice? and that he hadnt found a way out of it yet and that he is sorry that he made her wait so long for him and that he's sorry that he'll just leave her again?

no. he couldnt say that to her. he couldnt say goodbye. and he's not sorry that she waited for him. he smiled when he remembered the first time he saw her after three long years. life without her was a mess, and he couldnt stay away. so he had to go back. and he did. he didnt know how he did it but the next thing he knew, the first available opportunity he had, he was on the plane back to her. he didnt want to think about the engagement. he didnt want to think of anything else but the fact the he's coming back to her. he's really coming back.

he didnt know about the engagement when he first went away. but he still felt guilty of making her wait. but he forgot everything when his eyes locked on hers after three years. they were on their park, the place where she told him of her feelings. all he could think of is to kiss or hug her or never let her out of his sight again. he was going to make it work, move mountains if he had to. there is no other way he'll spend the rest of his life but with her.

he sighed. but even before he could, he blew it. he knew he had to tell her immediately. he knew his mother or jane would find him somehow. but they beat him to it. he flinched at the thought of his 'fiance.' he really didnt like her, he doubted if anyone like her if not for her money.

he gasped when his eyes left the window and fell on the door. the sight made his heart die. there she was, the woman he loves, looking lost.

"syaoran, i'm sorry..." she whispered before she fainted so suddenly that he barely caught her.

-------

'where am i?' sakura thought as she opened her eyes and saw herself lying on an unfamiliar bed and room. she tried to get up but the pain in her body wont let her. her eyes began to tear when everything started to come back. she hastily hid them when she heard the door open.

"good, you're awake." a familiar voice said from the shadows of the room. he took a step closer and the lights lit his face. syaoran. she felt a tug at her heart. this is the man she loves, the man she is supposed to give up. she knew she couldnt do that, she'd die. the pain she is feeling now is nothing compared to it.

"what happened?" he asked, sitting on the bed beside her, lightly stroking her cheek and touching her hair. she couldnt do it. a tear slip from her eyes and he wiped it away, making her look at him.

"i'm sorry." she said, looking at his eyes. she hurt him. she made him worry. she could see it in his eyes. she couldnt hurt him anymore. she couldnt leave him.

"who did this to you?" he asked, touch of anger in his voice. she smiled. she knew he'd do anything for her. then his voice become stiff and cold, "was it mother?"

she tried not to wince with his words, tried not to show him anything. he didnt need to know. all he had to know is that she was there, and that she'll rather die than see him unhappy, and she knew that leaving him would certainly do that. she didnt know what changed her mind, she didnt care whether he was engaged or not. all she knows is that she would never leave him again, ever.

she placed a hand on his cheek and he closed his eyes on her touch. he missed her so much! "can you stay with me for a while? i missed you so much." she pleaded him.

he knew she didnt want to talk, and with her state, he didnt push her. he nodded, then slid in the covers beside her. she cuddled closer to him and he wrapped his arms around her, not wanting to let go but careful not to hurt her. after a while he felt her sleep. 'what happened?' he thought, angry at himself at not being able to protect her.

-------

syaoran watched her sleep in his arms and his heart ached. sure, he was ecstatic to have her back in his life, but he never though it would be like this. she was a mess, literally! her body is covered with bruises and some dried blood was spotted at various parts of her body and clothes when he first saw her. he took her to the emergency room, thankful that they were nothing serious. he took her to his apartment and cleaned her up, careful not to wake her nor to hurt her even more. he just went out to cook something for her when she wakes up, and when he came back, this happened. and now he is lying beside her sleeping form.

somehow, he got an inkling of what had happened and thinking about him made him scowl. he knew his mother could stoop that low. he hugged her tightly. he would never let anything happen to her again. never. he'd risk his life to protect her. they would never touch her again. he'd never let her out of his sight again.

he breathed in her scent. God! even in that form she still looked beautiful. he closed his eyes and smiled. she was back, anhd with that thought, he drifted to sleep.

-------

"dont cry. the doctor said it was nothing serious. everything will work out." eli stood hugging tomoyo, trying his hardest to comfort the crying girl. they just heard from syaoran, and he told them what happened to sakura. tomoyo wanted to go there right away and see her bestfriend but syaoran told her to stay put. sakura needed her rest, and tomoyo also knew it. syaoran promised her that nothing will happen to sakura while he was there. they both knew that it was true. they trusted him and knew his love for their friend. they knew they would get through this problem, they were meant to be with each other. but they couldnt help but get worried, for after all, they're their friends. but they couldnt do anything, its not their battle and all they could do is support them.

it was them who saw sakura when she decided to leave their vacation. sakura had told them anything and tomoyo's initial response is get mad at syaoran for doing this to her bestfriend. but somehow, she knew he could never do such a thing. eli thought of the same thing. although they he and syaoran never really grew up together, he knew what was happening to him. he knew that his cousin never knew of that engagement when they first went to this country. but they decided to let sakura go. it was unhealthy for her to stay anyway. they knew her that well. sakura needed time to be with herself, to think. they knew she somehow regrets waiting for syaoran all those years and making her stay would make her show just that, which would then hurt syaoran and therefore, result into a bigger mess. she needed time to sort things out. they just wished they could have been with her. but they couldnt.

"who would do something like that to her?!" she cried into her shirt, thinking of the pain her bestfriend might have gone through.

eli sighed. he had a pretty good idea who it is but he decided not to voice his opinion. if he did, they might have to butt in, one thing they told themselves that they would not do. "i dont know. what i know is sakura is with syaoran now and he wouldnt let anything happen to her."

"i know." she looked up at him with question in her eyes. "but are we doing the right thing? i mean, someone got physically hurt now. maybe... maybe they are not really meant to be with each other as we thought they were. i dont want them to hurt more than they are hurting now."

"dont say things like that." he told her. " they love each other very much and that is enough for me to say that they belong with each other. those three years, their love just got stronger, though they really havent seen or talked with each other that much. other couples would have just drifted apart." he sighed, as he felt pain tug his heart. 'like what almost happened to us, and we were always together.' he thought sadly.

she realized what he was thinking and she smiled sadly, holding his cheek. yes, they almost lost each other. she admired her bestfriend for being able to love like that, not even distance can make her lose hope. and here she was, with the man she loves, and she almost did. "you're right. we shouldnt worry about them so much." she said. "they love each other and they belong with each other. they'll get through everything that went on their way. just like you and i."

he kissed her at that, happy to hear those words from her, although he feels the same way. he dont want to spend the rest of his life with another other than her. she was his life.

they parted for air and looked at each others eyes. they saw love in them, reflecting their affections for each other. he hugged her and she burried her face on his chest, comfortable in each others arms.

"tomoyo, can i ask you a favor?" eli asked tentatively.

she looked up at him, smiling. "anything."

"can i spend the rest of my life with you?"

his words was greeted with silence as they caught her off guard. he could tell that she was shocked and he couldnt tell what she was thinking or feeling. the silence was uncomfortable and he was beginning to think that she'll say no. maybe she still isnt ready or that she dont want to marry him. he knew it was sudden and the timing is not right, but he knew that he meant what he said and that with just her there, everything is perfect. he loved her with all her heart and he'll want nothing else than for her to be his wife. he prayed to the gods asking them to grant his one wish because he knew it would be the end of him if she said no.

then suddenly, she smiled widely and his doubts vanished from his thoughts at what she said next.

"of course, you idiot. i thought you'll never ask."

the smiles never left their faces as they sealed their promises with a kiss.

-------

syaoran woke up with a start. he was blinded by the light coming through the window. by the position of the sun, he knew it was late. he never over sleeps, but with what's been happening the past few days, his weary body had overcame his rigid body schedule. he sighed, running his hand through his hair.

then with a start, he realized why he had woken up in the first place. he looked back to the bed and found the other side to be empty. he frowned, panic rising in his chest. sakura is gone!

he quickly stood up and looked around the room. her things are still there. where had she gone to? had she left him again? she cant have? she's still weak. and hadnt she told him she's sorry she left him? doesnt that mean she'll never leave him again?

he walked out of the room, intending to find sakura wherever she is when he heard her voice from the living room. he sighed, glad she hadnt left him. but he frowned again as he heard another voice. _jane? _he started to walk down the stairs when he froze at the sight he was seeing. sakura was standing casually in front of the raged jane. what struck him the most is how calmly sakura is taking the situation given what had happened to her and jane's intention, and jane's intention is all but discreet. she was standing in his living room with nothing more than her lingerie. looking at her like that, he realized how dull his life would be if he was indeed married to her. sure she was pretty, he was pretty sure that most men would like her to warm their bed. but he's not like most men. his eyes are for sakura only. if sakura presented herself to him like that, well... that's a whole lot a different story.

"you slut! what the hell do you think you're doing in a house of someone who's committed already? are you that low?! you dont belong here! we're going to get married and there's nothing you can do about it." jane was fuming, pointing her finger at the other girl.

"didnt your mother tell you that its rude to point?" sakura was saying casually, but looking straight into the other woman's eyes. he smiled despite himself at what he was witnessing and all the thought of interrupting them had fled his mind. 'that's my girl.' he though proudly as he realized she's going to fight for him.

"and who's the slut here? me or you? i'm not the one wearing stripper's outfits, its you." sakura continued, eyeing jane's outfit. "and besides, i dont have to do anything. there's nothing really i could do, syaoran will pretty much do anything to be with me. you see, he might be engaged to you, but he _loves_ me."

sakura smile slyly at the reaction she got with her words. she knows she's pushing it, and she really didnt mind if jane attacked her. she would have welcomed it, having the excuse to do what she was thinking of doing when she first saw the girl.

"you have some nerve, dont you girl?" jane said, her voice forcibly calm. "it doesnt matter what you do, nor what syaoran will do, for that matter. his family wont allow it. _YOU _are nothing but an embarrasment to them. they will never accept you so might as well give up."

sakura felt a pang with those words but she hid it. she knew it was true but she's not giving up without a fight. she sneered at the girl. "a little too desperate, i see. cant fight your own battles so your letting other people do it for you. pathethic really."

"and you arent?" jane shot back, looking at her from head to foot, noting every bruise and cut that is still present in sakura's skin. "now that's a pity. arent that an indication who losing here? i'm sitting pretty, waiting, just waiting for syaoran to fall into my arms and you'll die fighting a losing battle."

"is that a threat?" sakura's usual kind voice contains now a deadly venom. jane, amused with her reaction, smiled, her eyes full of meaning.

"no. just a friendly advice." jane said smugly.

syaoran was about to put jane back in her place when all of a sudden sakura was pulling jane by the hair, with the strength neither she nor syaoran thought she have, dragging the fighting girl out the door. she knows she's fighting a losing battle, she knows she might even die in the process. she doesnt care. all she knows is that she'll never let syaoran fall into jane's clutches while she was alive. she doesnt care what his family thinks of her, all she cares about is what syaoran thinks and syaoran loves her and wants her at his side. sakura ignored the scratches she obtained in the process, just glad she is doing what she wanted to do. she pushed the girl out of the apartment, her things followed.

"you might be engaged to him, but i wouldnt let you threaten me at my own home." sakura said. she smiled haughtily when the other girl gaped at her. "oh, didnt you know? arent you wondering why i'm here in the first place? i live here now. my place, _MINE_, just like he is. and there's nothing you can do about it." then slammed the door at the slut's face.

for a while she just stood there, staring at the door. she cant believe what she had said and done. she sighed and leaned her forehead at the wood, closing her eyes. now that the slut has left, the adrenaline was draining from her, fast, and her aching body is starting to come back from its numbness.

she had woken up feelings really refreshed to find that she was not in her own room. it took a while for her to remember all the past events and to realized that she wasnt alone in the room. her eyes went wide when she found syaoran lying beside her on the bed, an arm placed protectively around her waist. she smiled, gently pushing some hair from his face. she felt safe and at ease. it also felt perfect. she regretted leaving him and regretted her regretting waiting for him. she loved him so much and she knows that even if he told her all about the engagement before he left, she still would have waited for him. especially if he told her he loves her.

she frowned a little when her thoughts strayed to what happened next. her stomach grumbled and decided to go down to eat before her empty stomach wakes syaoran. he looked so peaceful when he sleeps she didnt want to wake him. she carefully lifted his arm from her waist then gently placed a kiss on his lips before going out the room. then she found the slut sprawled in the living room couch, probably thinking that she was syaoran. then, what happened next was history.

suddenly, she felt warm arms envelope her and she turned to see and smiling syaoran looking down at her. she opened her mouth to greet him good morning when he suddenly swooped down for a long, passionate kiss.

"what was that for?" sakura asked dazedly into his lips, when they pulled out for air, though their faces is still centimeters apart. syaoran was looking so elated, she could help but smile back at him.

"for standing up for me." he murmured, giving her another quick kiss.

she pulled away, slightly, considering that syaoran was still holding her tightly and looked at him with a frown. "you saw us, didnt you? and you didnt help?!"

he smiled sheepishly. "you were handling it well by yourself. and it was flattering to hear you say those things."

she glared at him. "no it wasnt. she was threatening me."

he frowned at that. "i know. but nothing bad is going to happen to you while i'm here." he said seriously.

she smiled at that. "i know that." she kissed him this time. "that's why i'm not going to leave your side again."

"that means you really moving in with me." she laughed at this. he sounded like a little boy, with his present.

"of course not! why would i?" she exclaimed, mocking him. she laughed some more when he pouted at her words.

"but you said to jane this is your home!" he whined. "what if she came back? who will protect me?" he then gave her his puppy dog look.

she laughed again. "you can pretty well manage her well." he didnt say anything, just continued to gave her the look. she laughed. "all right, all right. just stop looking like that! you're embarrasing me!"

he exclaimed triumphantly as he twirled her around. she laughed at his childish antics. she knew she would never leave him. not until he, himself, says those words.

-------

sam blinked, waking up from her daze. she looked at the open door in front of her, not really knowing what she would do.

she is in the terminal, suitcases on hand, her ticket in the other. she's leaving this place, leaving him. she knew it was for the best, but her heart still ached at the thought of her leaving her love.

after that day in the park, she knew she had to leave him. it wasnt because she was afraid of what's going to happen to her, she's afraid of what might happen to him if she stayed. she felt guilty. she told herself after she knew toya's problem that she would make his sacrifice worthwhile, that's why she stayed. but that wasnt true. she was afraid of not having him by her side. so she ignored the pain of seeing him bloodied and hurt, ignored the pain and anxiousness of waiting whenever he disappears. she was selfish and she felt guilty about it.

but she couldnt stay selfish anymore. she had to let him go. it had gotten serious. he disappears more frequently and the attacks more brutal. then came his friend, genuinely concerned of what was happening, doing the one thing he knows to save his friend - make her stay away.

she doesnt blame him really. she knows she should have done it earlier. but her heart wont let her. but now, she had to go, hoping he would forgive her and that he would be happy again someday.

she was crying now, thinking of what she is leaving behind. she's not only leaving toya, she's also leaving her family and friends. meiling would kill her after she finds out. she smiled, though the tears continuously flowed. she wished meiling and renzo the best, it would have been fun to watch their relationship grow.

she almost jumped when she heard the speakers go on, telling all the passengers to take seats since the train is leaving. but she still havent found the strength to move. the train is puffing smoke, and its whistling its final call. people were scurrying around her, shouting and waving their final goodbyes. but she still stood there, not knowing if she had the strength to do what she had to do. the doors started to close, but she didnt stop them. her tears, making her vision blurry, and her heart causing her mind to stop thinking.

she sat back at the bench, watching the train slowly gather pace, taking off. she sighed. she had to catch the next train. she had to build the courage to step into that transport. she looked at the door going outside the station, half wishing to see toya standing there. she sighed when she saw it empty. she's all alone.

there is no going back now. she had to move forward. its for the best. she tried to smile despite the tears, ignoring the hollow feeling of her heart.


	6. the unwanted return

CHAPTER SIX: THE UNWANTED RETURN

"what?! you're engaged?!" sakura exclaimed, making some of the customers look their way. tomoyo just laughed. "when? how? was it romantic?" the last question made her eyes glow, thinking of what must have happened. tomoyo laughed again.

"actually, he proposed after syaoran called us to tell us what happened to you." tomoyo replied, taking a sip of her coffee. sakura called her that earlier saying that she wanted to see her and that she's all well and that she misses her and she wanted to talk. tomoyo was surprised syaoran let her, but she wasnt complaining. she missed her best friend, too. so here they are, at a coffee house, when she told her best friend the good news.

sakura frowned. "that wasnt very romantic." she said thoughtfully. she glared at her bestfriend. "that wasnt so nice either. these bruises hurt you know, and you took advantage of it!" she added, showing her best friend her scars.

tomoyo laughed again. she knew she'll say that. "i know, sorry. but eli asked me so suddenly its rude to delay answering. he might have the wrong idea." she explained.

"you have a point." sakura said, thoughtfully. then her smile got back into her face. "at least something good happened through it. congratulations! i'm so happy for you!"

now its tomoyo's turn to frown. "sakura, what really happened back then?" she asked, worriedly.

sakura sighed, looking the drink she is stirring. she knew she had to talk about it someday, but she really doesnt know what to say. she doesnt even understand all of it yet. she was grateful because syaoran hadnt push her to talk yet. maybe its best if she talk about it with someone else first rather than with him.

she was about to answer when her phone rang. she smiled apologetically at her bestfriend then answered it. "hello?"

_"sakura! sam is missing. i dont know where she is. her family doesnt know where is is either. havent found where the heck is toya but i doubt she's with him. you see, i just read her email to me a minute ago, and it really freaked me out. she's running away sakura.. i dunno why but she is. and im scared -"_

"calm down meiling." sakura said, trying to calm the other woman who doesnt seem to breathe in her anxiousness. she was getting anxious, too, but she knew better than to panic. "tell me what happened."

the woman on the other line breathed, calming herself, but the panick is still evident on her voice as she spoke._ "its sam. she hadnt come home yet since yesterday. she doesnt disappear like that. she usually tells me or yuuhi. and her phone is dead and that was unusual, too. and i just received an email from her saying she needed some time alone. i'm really scared, i dont know what happened to her. she never runs away, never. can you please help us_?"

"sure. where are you? we'll meet up." sakura said, reasuringly.

_"at her house. thanks so much. and hurry please." _

"we will." then, she hung up the phone. she sighed as she looked at her bestfriend and smiled, sadly. "we'll finish this later." she said, standing up. "sam apparently ran away."

-------

_...ten minutes until the next train arrives..._

sam almost jumped at the sudden announcement. she cant believe that time flies by so fast. there is at least six hours in between the two trains and here she is, ten minutes before boarding. the problem is, she doesnt know if she has made the right decision yet.

'no!' she thought, shaking her head, making herself believe the fact. she had to stop being selfish. she had to go. but loneliness is already taking its toll on her and she realized just how much she is giving up. 'practically my whole life.' she thought sadly, and she was partly grateful that the train is arriving and that she wont have the time to change her mind.

she was just so lost in her thoughts that she had not noticed the men that was surrounding her. she hadnt noticed that although a train is arriving, she is practically the only person there. in a normal situation, she might already be panicking, but now, at her semi-conscious state, all she could do is stare at the platform, unseeingly.

"what is a beautiful lady like you doing here all alone?" the man beside her sneered, making her wake up from her trance and notice how very close the man is sitting next to her. she tried to move, but another man had sat on her other side. panic swept her, as she clutched at her bag, praying that it is only a cruel joke. she tried to stand up and move away from the men, but another grabbed her from behind to keep her at the place. she then only noticed the emptiness of the place. even the security is missing. she tried to fight back tears as she realized that help would not come even if she scream.

"what do you want from me?" she tried to say but her fear made her voice tremble. she shivered as this made her attackers' smile more sinister.

"just some fun." the man at the other side of her said, touching her hair. she pushed his hand away and it made them laugh.

"let me go!" she was fighting them now, as three sets of hands are touching her and was starting to molest her. she tried to fight, but they were stronger than her, and she felt herself fall to the ground. she tried to keep back the tears coz she knew that's what they want. but her fear was overcoming her and she didnt know what else to do. she screamed for help, and again, the men laughed.

"scream all you want. nobody can hear you." the man closest to her whispered. someone was kissing her and someone had tore her shirt. she felt helpless and alone. tears are now freely fallin from her eyes. why did everything has to happen to her. first, she has to leave her love, her family and friends, and now this? she fought them kicking and scratching to no avail, as she realized that they are much stronger than her. she was wearing out, she knew she could not continue on like this, but she could not just let them get her like this. she might have no one, but she will have her dignity. with the once of strength left within her, she got her phone from her bag and dialled 911, all the while screaming for help, hoping that the other line will realize what was happening before its too late.

"fuck! she dialed 911!" she suddenly heard as she struggled to keep her consciousness. she felt one of them leave her and another punched her at the stomach leaving her almost blacked-out. then she felt a kick on her body. "bitch!"

"she had seen our face! we cant leave her like this!" she heard another voice said, as she closed her eyes to the pain. 'let this be over.' she thought over and over in her head. darkness is slowly enveloping her that she thought she had heard toya call her name. she smiled, turning to the sound of the distant voice. her smile was cut as she screamed in pain as she felt something cut through her body and felt something warm oozing at her side. she wanted to see, but she was too tired to open her eyes. she could not hold on. the help had gone too late. she smiled, fainlty. at last, at this end, she could imagine the feel toya's arms around her and hear his voice calling out her name. maybe, she could just pretend, she's not alone, just for her death. then everything went black.

-------

sam opened her eyes, and saw darkness. she winced as pain slipped through her body almost numbing her. 'is this hell?' she thought, sadly. 'at least my death almost felt like heaven.' she closed her eyes again, but then she started, opening them wide, the only thing that was keeping her from sitting up was the pain. 'i dont think hell has that beeping sound that hospital thingies make.' she stared hard at the darkness, trying to see her surroundings. she was in a room, the only light was coming from a small window on the door. it was simple, no furniture. it cannot be her room. she looked at herself to realize that she was hooked to an IV and that computer that monitors her heartbeat. she frowned. she doesnt know if being in a hospital was better than hell. tears started to choke her. it was in a hospital that she and toya first met...

she was startled when she felt someone stir beside her. she thought she was alone. she squinted hard to see who it was. the person was holding her hand, though she could not feel it. the anesthesia had taken effect again. she felt cold, and felt even colder when she realized who the person is. the hair, the familiar face and scent. toya...

she tried to fight back tears, to no avail. she tried to touch his hair and face, but she couldnt. either because it was still physically impossible for her to do so or from the shame of what she did and failed to do. she was happy that he was still asleep, though she would give anything to see his eyes and smile. she couldnt face him right now. after what had happened.

she closed her eyes. she felt so tired. she hardly remembered what happened after she dialed the phone, she couldnt understand why she is in so much pain. she didnt want to cry for fear of waking him. she was glad of the painkillers for it was drifting her off to sleep again. and she would rather sleep forever than look at his eyes full of hurt, sadness and betrsaml.

-------

"...the wound was not that severe, but the doctor said if it had gone few centimeters deeper, it might have struck an internal organ. but she's fine now. nothing to worry about."

"what happened? why was she there in the first place?"

"i really dont know. and toya's not talking either. but i dont think they fought. they dont fight. but why would she try to run away?"

there was a long pause. sam kept her eyes closed and pretended to be still sleeping. she had been awaken by concerned voices that she knew was her friends and yuuhi. she doesnt want to see them yet. she had to answer questions if she did. answers that she really hadnt got in terms with. 'they must have read my letter.' she thought, trying to keep her face emotionless. she wanted to open her eyes, even for a glimpse of them, of toya. but she wouldnt dare. it would be harder to see their hurt eyes right now, right now that the last thing she wants is to cry.

she almost breathed a sigh of relief when she heard meiling invites them to eat. somehow she knew that her bestfriend knows she's awake and not yet ready to talk. she was eternally grateful for it and felt a little more guilty of leaving her behind.

she heard the door close and then a voice, "you can open your eyes now. they've left." her eyes flew open and it fell on sakura's sad ones. she smiled, weakly, and the girl smiled back.

"you feeling better?" sakura asked, seating beside her on the bed and holding her hand. sam squeezed it acomfortingly and weakly smiled again.

"no, feels like hell." she replied and sakura laughed. she dont know if its the girls warm hand on her or her mere presence makes her want to cry out. seeing her laugh and comfort her, all the loneliness she felt as she stood on front of the train vanished. she felt guilty. she knew she had to go, but was too scared to do so. and though as hard as she try to fight the urge of crying, a tear escaped from eyes.

sakura saw her tears and she stopped laughing. she quickly embraced her friend, comforting her as a new wave of tears left her. sam just cried, realising everything she felt inside. she cried until her insides hurt and she doesnt have the strength to cry anymore. still, sakura hugged her, calming her friend the best way she could.

"want to talk about it?" sakura asked softly and that was all she needed to pour her heart out to her other best friend.

it was ironic that they are almost as close now as she and meiling is, thinking that it hadnt always been like this. they werent always that close and they even got into each other's nerves before they understood each other. they met each other through syaoran. syaoran used to live near sam's house and she used to be obsessed with him, although he hardly notices her. syaoran was popular when he arrived at their place, even to people outside their school. but he hardly talk, almost always keeps to himself when he's not with eli or teasing sakura. sam used to hate sakura for having syaoran's attention, and sakura hated everyone who hates her. they had their little catfights when they crossed each other's paths and almost always comes physical with each other.

then she met toya, and somehow, her feelings for syaoran faded away. she knew syaoran was a puppy love, but toya was the real thing. she started seeing sakura in a new light, and seen how syaoran would simply glow in her presence, though sakura was fumed. sam knew right then that even if she continued to love syaoran, she would never have him for his heart already belongs to someone.

sakura noticed her change in attitude and they became at least civil with each other. then, a fateful day happened, and they were stuck on an elevator together, alone. there, they started liking each other and now here they are, happy and new best friends.

when she finished baring her soul, sakura just stayed there hugging her. she was grateful for that, sakura hadnt judged her, told hor how stupid she is. she just stayed there, making her feel that she supports her no matter what.

"why didnt you tell me all of this?" a broken voice suddenly asked, and her eyes flew to the door in shock. he was there, toya, the last person she wanted to see. she didnt hear the door open, she didnt know how much he had heard. and she felt her heart constrict painfully as he looked into his eyes and saw the hurt in them. he walked closer to her, until he was towering her, right beside her bed. she hadnt felt sakura pull away from her and quietly left the room. all she was aware of is that toya is now holding her, strong yet gentle. all she was aware of is his wet cheeks on her own as he pulled himself closer to her and her tears mingled with his own. she felt guilty because she hadnt seen him like this before, fragile and hurt, and it was her who caused it. even through all the beating, he never cried and stayed strong. everything else froze and all she could hear was his breaking voice saying, "i told you, living without you is fate worst than death. please dont ever leave me again."

-------

sakura was sitting on a branch of a cherry blossom tree at a small park near the hospital, thinking deeply. she had not met the others after her talk with sam. she was confused and hurt that she had to think first before seeing them again. something sam said had struck her, and somehow, she could relate to it.

_"...i feel like i'm not worth him. i knew he was hurting, physically and emotionally. they had been his family, and i was turning him away from them. because of me, he had almost died many times. but i didnt do anything about it. i should have left earlier, but i was so selfish. i couldnt lose him. i love him so much! i was so selfish that i'd rather keep him than let him go, making myself believe that it was for his happiness when it really was for my own..."_

was she, sakura, selfish then? she had turned syaoran against his family. she's letting him risk his career just for her. and she's also risking his life. she knew it, after what had happened to her. was she selfish when she came back to him?

_"...he would always disappear, days even weeks and he'll come back, bruised and broken. and all i did was heal him, not really realizing that some hurts just wont heal. the family he had grown up with now hates him from breaking the rules, and he had to leave everything behind for me. the thing is, i never really cant bear seeing him hurt. its just that i'm too scared to turn away..."_

was she ready to face everything sam went through? she idolized sam for sticking with toya for so long, but could she do the same? can she stand up for syaoran? fight for him? see him hurt?

_"dont you love him at all? dont worry, one day, everything will be clear to you and you'll be gone. remember all these pain. remember all these pain as you watch him suffer ten times worse you did. watch him suffer looking at you, begging you not to go with his eyes, as you looked back at him being tortured."_

she was freely crying now as a cruel voice suddenly entered her mind. no! syaoran needs her. he told her never to leave him again. he told her he loves her and she loves him, too. but is love really enough? should she give up?

-------

its been five days since the incident and things are almost back to normal. tomoyo and eli are starting to plan their wedding, renzo and meiling are inseparable, and sam and toya are back together. sakura hadnt had the time to talk to her since and she didnt know what was their choice. but it seems that they decided to stay together, practically living in one roof, much to the surprise of all of them that yuuhi permitted it, as of the time being.. sam had just been released the day before, although the doctor said not to strain herself too much because of her stiches. she also had to come back every week for a check-up, but all in all, she's going to be alright. but they all knew she cant do the disappearing act again. maybe that's why yuuhi had consented to the arrangement. he knows that no one could control his sister better than toya.

well, as for her and syaoran, right now, she was still living with him, although she was still confused. there are times that she would just stare into space just thinking of what to do. syaoran sometimes would catch her but she always had an excuse. he had been very busy since that he had not much time to push her though he didnt believe her.

worse thing is she had started having nightmares of what happened to her and what might happen to syaoran. she had glimpses of her being attacked to be replaced by him, tied in a cell being slashed with her forced to watch on the sidelines. that's why syaoran started to sleep on the same room with her. he had heard her once crying and screaming and trashing in her sleep that he had to be there to comfort her. he wouldnt want her to suffer, so everytime she started to cry in her sleep, he would hug her and cuddle up beside her, hoping that it was enough to chase her nightmares away.

she still hadnt talked about what happened, or what was in her dreams. he certainly tried more than a few times but something always comes up and they'd always be interrupted. sakura always welcomed these interruptions. she still could not tell him, not until she had made up her mind.

it was sunday, they were watching a movie in his living room. she was cuddled on his lap and he's playing with her hair absent-mindedly when they heard the a knock on the door. they looked at each other and smiled. "i'll get it." sakura said, giving him a quick kiss on the lips then stood and walked to the door. syaoran removed his gaze on her to look back at the television until he heard her gasp "you!" he looked back at the door and found himself scowling when he saw who it was. mikael.

"what are you doing here?" sakura asked mikael angrily. syaoran frowned. this was so different from the greeting his girl had given the guy when they first saw each other during their vacation. then, she welcomed him. now, it was anything but that. 'what happened to them?' he thought.

"why are you with him?!" mikael retorted as angrily as her. the man looked at him, glaring, then looked back at sakura, who's hands is now at her hips, glaring at the man, too. syaoran was about to stand and back her up when she looked at him pointedly. he sighed. he cant butt in, but he's not leaving either. he's just there when she needs him.

"what's it to you?!" she shot back. "he's my boyfriend. and its my decision to stay here."

"are you insane?! after everything he put you through, after all the pain he put you through, you still chose him?!" mikael said. "after what had happened -"

"nothing happened! cant you understand that?! i've told you once and i'm telling you again! nothing happened between us! let that sink through that thick head of yours and leave me alone!"

there was a pause. syaoran was listening intently now, not understanding what they meant. he felt a sudden anger for the man, as jealousy swept through him. 'how dare he?!' he thought. he wanted to beat the hell out the guy but he couldnt. he cant butt in.

"you dont mean that." mikael said after a while, his voice expressing the shock and hurt he felt on her voice. then his eyes hardened again. "nothing happened?! _NOTHING_ happened?! how dare you say that?! something happened! we kissed!"

"_NOTHING_ happened! _WE_ didnt kiss! _YOU KISSED ME!_ i was depressed, i was hurt, i was crying in your arms and then _YOU_ kissed me." she was flaring now, her arms flying on her side, trying to make her point. "i told you it was a mistake! i told you i dont love you. i cant love you ever again! one, because my heart belongs to someone else and two, you left me! you left me and hurt me and cheated on me! how dare you say these things to me now after what you have done to me?!"

"i didnt cheat on you! i told you i wasnt ready, that i had to leave. i told you i dont want to risk our friendship that's why we had to break-up! cant you understand that i didnt want it? cant you see that i regretted what i have done to you? i want a second chance. i can make you happy and i'll never leave you again, unlike this bastard who's gonna marry some rich chick someday!"

"you have no right." she said through clenched teeth. "i cried for you once, every day after you left me, i cried. i wished that you would come back. i waited for you. but you didnt! but still i waited for you! for one year, one whole fucking year! i didnt mind, i loved you back then, but when i saw _YOU_, saw you with some bimbo, making out, at _OUR_ favorite place, i couldnt take it! i hated you! you havent even had the guts to tell me how you feel! and just when i had started to forgive you and move on, all you do is force yourself on me?!"

angry tears are now falling on her cheeks and she hastily pushed him away. 'why now?' she thought, angrily. 'i dont have the strength for this.'

"i'm sorry." he said quietly. "but i love you. i made a mistake. i want a second chance. i cant let you go." he raised a hand to wipe the tears on her face, but she slapped it away, glaring at him with all the hatred she could muster.

"out!" suddenly exclaimed. when he didnt move, she pushed him out the door. "out! _OUT! _i never want to see you again!" then she closed the door on his face. she turned, leaning on the door, closing her eyes, trying to gain control on her emotions.

"you'll come back to me. after he left you, you'll come back to me." she heard from the other side of the door. she sighed. 'i couldnt take this.' she thought tiredly.

then her eyes shot, scanning the room. she had forgotten that syaoran was in the room with her when mikael arrived. she scanned the room, worriedly, and found him nowhere in sight. she hadnt told him what had happened between her and mikael, and it must have shocked him, to know their past. she wasnt even sure if she told him they had been a couple once. she closed her eyes again, a new batch of tears falling from her eyes. she knew she must find him, but she's too tired and confused. some of the words mikael said to her made an imprint on her heart, adding to the confusion she feels on her situation with syaoran. she fell on the floor, crying her heart out. "syaoran, i'm sorry." she whispered, crying, hoping he could hear her plea.


	7. the neverending tomorrow

CHAPTER SEVEN: THE NEVER-ENDING TOMORROW

drip. drop. that's how the rain fall against the ground. sakura is looking out the window of her room, not really seeing the city that is outside their apartment. the rain is getting stronger and she could feel the wind howling against the glass. she sighed. it seems that the weather is reflecting her emotions, her feelings that is bottled up inside of her. she hadnt talked with syaoran since that day. since mikael visited her, she had became more and more distant with syaoran. she was so confused. sure, all her words to mikael were true, but some of his are also the same painful truth. she knows that syaoran will eventually leave her, she knows that the only person left hurt in the end was her.

she knew it was unfair of her to think that, because she knows that syaoran will also be hurting, but at least, he wont be alone. he'd have jane with him. maybe in the end, he'll learn to love her, too...

the rain had turned into storm now, as the tears that came falling from her eyes. she shouldnt torture herself like that, thinking of things, but what can she do? its the truth, the reality.

the reality is, syaoran will be marrying jane to uphold their family. the reality is, he'll be forced to leave her to be alive. yes, he had to leave her. or else, they'll hurt him much more that they did to her.

syaoran had tried to talk to her, almost everyday since she locked herself in her room, even stayed with her during the night when he hears her crying, but she wouldnt talk to him. she wouldnt tell him what's wrong. on those nights he spent with her, its either she feigned sleep until he leaves for work or just stayed there unmoving until he falls asleep. she knows he's confused, too, thinking he would have made her talk if he really wanted to. but he didnt. everytime he goes to her, he seems so tired, tired of everything that's happening to them. he's hurting. he's hurting because of her.

she had to go. she had to go so that he can start moving on. fierce determination had swept her, although she's breaking inside. she wont hurt him anymore. she had to leave.

she got her suitcase, throwing all her things inside, hoping that she would be long gone by the time he went home. her tears was blinding her, she couldnt see what she was doing. some of her things missed her suitcase, but she didnt care. she had to leave, leave before he finds her and break her resolution.

sakura was in such a mad frenzy when syaoran entered her room. he felt that something wasnt going right so he hurriedly went home. he went directly to sakura's room as soon as he arrived, and sure enough, here she is, frantically gathering all her things in a suitcase, as she cried her heart out. for a minute he stood there stunned. he still did not understand what is happening, why is she acting so distant with him. he couldnt understand why she was hurting this much. anger was seeping through him. she doesnt have the right to do this! she told him she'll never leave him again and now she's running away again, with no intentions of telling him, much less say the reason why she's doing it. hell! he's willing to risk anything for her! and she's giving up that easily?!

"what do you think you're doing?" he growled, stopping her on her tracks, her eyes wide, tears continue to fall from her eyes. she knows he is angry and she cant blame him. she was running away - the one thing she promised she wont do again. but she had to, she had no choice. she decided to ignore him, closing the suitcase, neverminding the fact that she is still not finished with her packing. not minding that she had left her teddy behind. she glanced at the bear swiftly, not wanting to waste anymore second there. it had been his first gift to her. she really would have wanted it with her, but maybe it'll be better leaving it behind. it will make her forget easily. she grabbed her suitcase and hastily went to the door.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he repeated, more forcefully this time, grabbing her arm to prevent her from stepping out of the room. she stubbornly looked away, fighting against his hands, not answering him.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he was shaking her now, shouting at her ears but his voice betrayed the fear and the desperation. he was hurting her now with his grasp, but she didnt care. she welcomed the pain, compared the pain inflicted into her heart.

he was starting to panic. he knows by the look of her face and the drawn look in her eyes that she was leaving him, no matter what. but he wouldnt allow it. there's no way he's letting her go again for life is a hell without her. "why?" he asked, his voice quiet and trembling. he wasnt keen on showing his weakness, his pride prevented him. but now, he'll eat even his dignity for her not to walk out the door.

she looked at him and she felt her heart ache even more at the sight of him. he looked so helpless and scared, and his eyes betrayed the hurt and the sadness he's feeling. she looked down, she cant continue looking at him like this! "i'm sorry." she whispered.

"sorry? you're _SORRY_?! that's all you're going to say to me? you promised you'll never leave me again! you promised we're going through everything together! then why the hell are you holding your suitcase right now?! i wont let you! i wont let you leave me again!"

"i cant... i cant stay." she said slowly. "i had to let you go."

her words rang through him, repeating over and over in his mind like a mantra. surely he heard her wrong. she wont give up that easily, would she? he shook his head. "i dont... understand..." he stuttered. "you're giving up?!"

his words cut through her heart, grinding it to the pulp. but she had no choice, she cant turn back now. "yes." she said so quietly, she was not even sure if he heard her.

but he heard her, alright. he wouldnt have heard her better even if she was speaking on a megaphone. he cant believe it. anger swept through him. she cant do it to them! she cant do this to him! "after everything we've been through, after everything we promised to each other, you're giving up on us?! was this all just a joke to you?! its not a least bit funny, you know!"

she cant take it anymore. how dare he do this to her?! she glared at him. "dont talk to me like you're the only one hurting here because i'm not the one who started all this up! its you! its you who messed it up! you're the one who got engaged!"

"i told you i had no choice! i told you we'll get through this together -"

she laughed at this to mock him. "are you out of your mind or you're just insane, huh, syaoran?! its not all about us now! your family and my family and our friends are involved now. there's no way in hell that you family will allow our relationship and there's no way that the others will allow us to keep on hurting each other!"

"but we love each other -"

"it doesnt matter! it doesnt matter if we love each other! love wouldnt save your life nor mine! our love wouldnt change the fact that a lot of people wants us apart and will do anything to do just that! you might not care what happens to you but i do! i dont want a husband who'll just end up in a grave!"

her words slapped him hard, making him cringe. he didnt understand. he couldnt understand. "what do you mean?"

she laughed again, but she was already crying. "havent you ever wondered who the hell beat me up or why or how or how the hell it concerns you to make me forgive you?! do you have any idea?! no! of course not! why would i tell you?! why would i tell you that it is your dear _fiance_ who did that to me?! why would i tell you everything i went through?! you wont understand?! you're not the one who's going to hurt! i am! and you'll end up dead while they make me watch you suffer! its been wrong for me to go back, bad idea. i thought i can go through with it, but i cant! i've seen sam suffer and i cant go through the same thing!"

he stood there for a minute, looking down at her tear-strained face. he felt numb, as her words hit him, that he hadnt feel his own tears falling down. then suddenly, everything came back, and the pain hit him ten-fold. he wrapped his arms around her, despite the struggle and leaned his face on her head, inhaling her scent. "i'm sorry."

she stopped fighting and cried in his embrace. it felt perfect to be here in his arms, but maybe, its not meant to be. it hurt her more to realize just what she had to let go. "i'm so scared. i dont want to go, but i have to. its the right thing to do... but... i just dont know what's right anymore." she sobbed.

"just stay here with me. i'll take care of you. nothing is going to happen to either one of us as long as i'm here. please dont leave me. i cant lose you. i'd rather die. living without you is fate worst than death."

she felt her resolve weaken at his words, but she wouldnt want to change her mind. leaving is the best thing to do. though its going to kill her, as long as he's alive and well. one day, he'll be happy again. one day he's going to start a family...

she sobbed louder in his embrace. she cant continue torturing herself. she had to go as soon as possible. when he's not there to stop her. right now, she'll stay. one more memory for her to keep. but then she's leaving. 'maybe tomorrow. this would be my goodbye.' then she kissed him, with all the love in her heart.

-------

toya sat beside sam on the bed as she watched her sleep. he was glad that yuuhi agreed to let her stay with him. they both came to the conclusion that the only way she wont do the same stupid thing is if she was under toya's care.

he clasped her hand, noticing the steady rhythm of her heart. she had been out of the hospital for a day now, but she is still so weak that all she do was sleep. toya didnt mind, as long as he was there to watch over her.

his thoughts came to the time when she her being attacked by some goons at the train station. he almost died when he wasnt able to come early enough to stop them from stabbing her. he was so angry and scared that he almost beat the men to their death, and he almost regretted it when the cops came to stop him.

he smiled. until now, he couldnt believe how much sam had changed him. before her, he thought his heart wes already dead. having witnessed the brutal murder of his family and being forced to be one with the same people who had committed these acts would have rid him of all his emotions. before her, he didnt mind. he liked living in solitude, not caring for others, not being able to feel anything, specially love. then she saw her, kneeling in front of an altar in a chapel inside a hospital. he didnt know why, but he stood there, transfixed. he wanted to replace the tears on her face with a smile. then as if he had thought a punishable thought, he hastily turned away, walking as fast as he can in the opposite direction, hoping to rid himself of an image that seemed to have been engraved in his mind.

she bumped into him the next day, almost at the same place he was standing at when he first saw her. he didnt know why he came back, his feet just dragged him back to the place without even thinking. that was when he first heard her voice. she looked at him with her tear stained face, smiling softly, and said sorry. then his eyes caught hers and he felt his heart skip a beat. he didnt know what has gotten into him, and because of the confusion running through him, he simply walked away, without a word, without a second glance.

he never thought he'd see her again, though her face and voice constantly plagued his dreams. but fate had its surprises, and what he thought would never happen again, happened, much to his happiness and chagrin. she was happily talking to someone else on her phone walking along the sidewalk when he saw her. he felt his heart lighten as he continued to stare at her. then at the corner of his eye, he saw something that made him catch his breath. an out of control car was headed directly at her. he saved her, more of an instinct that anything else, although he didnt know what had gotten into him for he hadnt care for anyone else before.

she was in his arms, right after he saved her from the cruel car. she was smiling sweetly, blush on her cheeks, whispering her thanks and apology for not noticing the car. he suddenly felt the urge to kiss her, and he did. it was bliss.

he didnt know how it started, but they started seeing each other. he didnt mind though, he liked being with her. he was quite surprised that she didnt seem to care that all he does was stare at her. he hardly talked, it was mostly her who does the talking. it doesnt seem that she minds, for everytime he asked her to meet him, she would very enthusiastically say yes.

that's when he knew he was falling in love - they were falling in love. he was very ecstatic when she said those words to him. he may not be able to show his feelings, or put them into words, it seems that she was able to feel them still. and that, until now, continues to amaze him. nothing else matters as long as they are together. it doesnt even matter if its a sin for him to love her. as long as she was with him, damn the consequences!

he was pulled out from his thoughts when he felt her stir. he smiled again, as she blinked, trying to get rid of her sleepiness. she looked so cute when she was trying to wake up like that. he wanted to wake up every morning with her beside him.

"good morning." she said, sweetly. she frowned when she saw dark circles around his eyes. "you havent been taking care of yourself." she stated.

"your fault." he said pouting, catching them both off guard. he was never comfortable of showing his feelings, but now, its almost as if it came naturally,

suddenly, sam laughed, her sleepiness finally gone. "you look so cute!" she exclaimed pinching his cheeks. "do it again!"

he smirked. "not funny."

she laughed again. she was laughing so hard that her stitches are starting to hurt. "ouch!" she cried, still giggling a bit, clutching her stomach.

his smirk was instantly replaced with concern. he hugged her to him. "dont ever do that again." he whispered into her ears.

she smiled sadly, forcing her tears not to fall. yes, she felt guilty for making them all worry, but she had to do it. and being with him now still doesnt change that fact. but she needed to rest, she is not yet fit to go now. a little voice in her head says that she's just making excuses but she pushed them back. she's still leaving, she argued, but a few more days with him would hurt, right?

-------

she was staring at him, staring at him, hard. tomoyo stood by her table at her office, hand on her hips, clearly not liking the smirk on eli's face. "that's really not funny, you know." she said, almost shouted at him, edgily.

he laughed at this, making her glare at him. he was so amused by his fiance that though he knew he had to stop laughing if he knew what was best for him, he cant. maybe he hadnt communicated his thought to her that clearly. he laughed harder as he recalled what he had just said to her. no wonder she was acting this way!

they were talking about something that had been plaguing his mind since he had proposed to her - _kids._ he wanted to say that he was so happy that she would be the one to bear his kids that he wouldnt mind a dozen of them, but somehow, it didnt go out that way, he seemed to emphasize the _dozen_ - not the _happy_ part.

he hugged her, still laughing. "i'm sorry. i didnt mean it that way. i was just so happy that you agreed to marry me and that someday we'll gonna start a family together." he felt her relax at her words. "i didnt mean the dozen, a couple will do, as long as its with you."

she sighed, gratefully. no way can she bear that many kids! not that she mind, its just that it doesnt seem that that'll be physically possible. "good. or else, i'll only carry the have the first four, you carry the rest on your tummy for nine whole months, with morning sickness and swollen ankles to boot."

he laughed, again. they stayed like that, the world disappeaing around them. they were happy and content in each other's arms that it almost hurt them to think that they had almost given up.

the peace was rudely interrupted by a knock at the door. they smiled sheepishly at each other as they fixed themselves. the door opened, to reveal the person on the other side. eli looked at tomoyo when he heard her gasp, look of pure surprise on her face. the stranger might have read the confusion on his face due to the smile pn his face.

"long time no see, kiddo. hey, where's my hug? is that how you're gonna greet your long lost brother, huh, sis?"

now its eli's turn to gape.

-------

"hurry up angel! the plane's not gonna wait even for royalty, you know!"

meiling rolled her eyes, as she grudgingly went out the front door of her house, stiffling a yawn. ever since she and renzo 'officially' got together, he'd been complimenting and teasing her non-stop. she doesnt mind the compliments, though, its the teasing that is getting on her nerves, most of the time. 'sheesh, i guess some things never change.' she sighed.

she hit him as she entered the car door he had opened for her, and closed it after her. she glared at him as he laughed, walking to the other side of the car, and settling himself at the driver's seat. "you're impossible, you know that?"

"you still love me though." he said, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. "i love you too."

she blushed, looking away from his twinkling eyes. until now, she still hadnt quite gotten used to him telling her his feelings. "getting arrogant, i see." she managed to say.

"aww. dont be mad, i said i love you too." he said, lighlty touching her cheeks.

she hit him again as her blush deepened. "just shot up and drive."

he chuckled as he started the car. they drove to the airport in silence, a soft smile playing on their faces.

she sighed. she was quite apprehensive about this trip, and until now, she cant say that the anxiety is gone. there is something about this outing that kept her on her toes. maybe its the fact that renzo hadnt said anything about it other than it would be great. maybe its because she's leaving her bestfriend behind. or maybe she's just overreacting.

she frowned as she remembered how 'persuasive' renzo had been in convincing her to come with him. he literally wouldnt take no for an answer. he would kiss her, or tickle her or compliment her in various ways everytime she come close in saying the word, and wouldnt stop until she said yes. meiling frowned. he seems really excited about the outing, he practically jumped on the sofa tom cruise style when she finally said yes. 'he's so weird sometimes. sam's right. he's really a handful.' she mused.

"anything wrong?" he asked, as he watch her at the corner of his eyes. her smile returned when he clutched her hand. "dont worry about sam. she'll be alright as long as toya is with her."

she smiled at that. maybe she should give this trip a chance. it'll be great, as long as he's with her. "i love you, you know?" she said. he just smiled in response, squeezing her hand.

-------

"you havent told me that they're coming along, too!" meiling exclaimed. she was actually looking forward to some alone time with renzo, despite her misgivings. but as she looked at the grinning faces of yuuhi and kaye in front of her, she doubt if that'll be possible.

"dont be mad." renzo said, pinching her nose. "they're in for your surprise."

"yeah!" yuuhi said. "its gonna be great!" he added, giving her a wink.

she rolled her eyes. something tells her this trip is going to be anything but great.

-------

it was in every woman's dream to have a man who was willing to fight for her, to tell the world that he loved her and only her. it was in every girl's faantasy to be sweeped off her feet by a knight in shining armor, saving her from the clutches of an evil, wicked witch. some would have been lucky to have a man somewhere as close as to this hopeful wishing, but most had to settle for just someone to love. not many are lucky to live a dream fantasy, not many.

and here she is, having a man, who by mere sight can knock any woman senseless. here, she belongs to someone who loves her as much as she does, if not more so. here, she has a man, who not only stayed true to her through the long years they had stayed away from each other, but is also willing to risk losing everything just to be with her. she is living a dream, and yet, she was running away from him.

here she is, standing in front of the house that had been her home for more than a month. hers and his. sakura and syaoran's. here she is in front of the house where she had been happiest and saddest. so many fond memories had stayed with her through this whole ordeal of living with him. tears run down her eyes as she began to realize just what exactly she is letting go. her grip on her bags tightened. she would _NOT_ be swayed. she _HAD_ to go.

she had stayed with him for more than a week since her last attempt of escape. she was not able to leave as soon as she wanted to, partly because syaoran had been looking out to her like a hawk and partly because she didnt really want to go. she kept on making herself excuses as to why she could not leave that day, that very instant, and convincing herself that she would leave the next day. the tomorrows had been endless and it would have continued if not for a letter she had received earlier that day.

she woke up that morning more elated than she usually is. she dont know why but she had the feeling it would be a great day. the sun was brightly pouring from the windows and the peaceful chirps of the birds can be heard clearly from her position at syaoran's bed. she leaned closer to his side of the bed. she could still smell his scent from his pillows and a smile crept up to her face.

harsh knocking forced her out of her thoughts and she hastily woke up to put on her bathrobe. clearly it was not syaoran for he never forgets his key. she frowned, looking at the clock. who would visit them at this early in the morning?

she felt her frustration when she saw no one at the door but it was instantly replaced by fear when she found a note by the doorstep. the note was simple, made of letters cut from magazines. it contained a single line but scared her to wits end.

_YOU'RE TIME IS RUNNING OUT._

she knew who would send such a thing, and that was the kick she needed to leave him completely. she knew she was pushing by staying. if she stayed any longer, her fears would become her reality. it was fortunate that syaoran had seemed to loosen his grip a bit on her, and that allowed her an opportunity to fulfill her plans.

"sakura." she quickly spun around, fear enveloping her, thinking that syaoran had caught her. but her fear quickly turned into anger as she realized who is in front of her.

"mikael." she hissed, glaring at him. "i told you never to bother me again."

he had this haughty look in his face is if to tell her 'i told you so' which made her narrow her eyes even more at the man. she didnt need this right now. everything is too much as it is!

she turned from him, intending to walk away in the other direction, her hands gripping her bags tightly to control herself from flunging it across his face. but she has not moved a few steps when he felt her grasp at her shoulder preventing her from moving forward. the sudden movement caught her in surprise and the next thing she knew, he had his lips onto hers, kissing her hungrily.

she tried to pull away, but found that he was much stronger than her. angry tears started to fall from her eyes as she fought him, hitting and scratching him as much as she could.

then as suddenly as it had come, he had been yanked away from her, causing her to stumble backwards and fell on her back. her eyes widened in shock as she saw syaoran's back in front of her, his hands clenching and unclenching, glaring at the other man, on the ground who is glaring at him and wiping away the blood from his mouth which was apparently from the former's rage. he was about to hit mikael again when he stood up but sakura was suddenly in the middle of them, stopping whatever what was going to happen. she glared at both of them before speaking. "stop it!"

"get out of the way." syaoran snarled, his eyes never leaving the man behind her. "i will deal with you later."

when mikael was about to retort, sakura intervened. "no! you will not do anything more stupid! you will not deal with me later for later i am gone! i'm going with him!"

syaoran reeled at her words. his gaze left the smirking man and looked at her with all the anger inside of him. 'not this again!' he thought. "what did you say?"

she wanted to cringe at his gaze but she forced herself to look back at him with as much defiance she could muster. "you heard me. i'm leaving! i'm leaving you! i'm leaving this hell of a place never to be seen by you and your kind again!"

she wanted to cry when the anger on his eyes turned from anger to hurt to desperation to pure hatred in a heartbeat. she chocked when she realized that maybe she had gone too far but she had to do what she had to. though she knew that her heart was breaking every second that went by.

"is this all a game to you?" syaoran said quietly, with every word laced with his new found hatred. with this, she could no longer control her tears, which now freely flows from her face but her gaze never wavered from him. "you promised me over and over again that you would never leave me, and every time you break it. do you think it is feels good for you to mess with me like this? i've given up everything for you, and you go to _HIM_?!"

at that she laughed bitterly. "and what about your promises, huh? you said you love me but you left me alone for three whole fuckin years?! you told me once you come back, you will sweep me off my feet and everything is going to be alright! you promised me that you will do anything for me and that no one will take you away from me! you promised that i'll never have to cry again once i'm with you! but you broke your promise! every single one of them and i cried three times more than i ever did before you came waltzing into my life! i cant stand it anymore! you even promised me you'll clear this whole mess up but now time is running up and you hadnt done anything! that's why i'm leaving! i can never live with anybody who had not enough guts to fight for me!" at that she turned her back from him and when to mikael who was silent up to this point. he took his arm and practically dragged him away from him, away from his place, away from all this misery.

truth be told, what she said wasnt true. she knew he was fighting for her, fighting for her to the point of stupidity. he had to learn to give up, one of the things that doesnt seem to belong in his vocabulary. but she knew the meaning of it and now was the time to let go. there's too much at stake to hold on.

he didnt run after her and her heart broke once again. syaoran must be really mad at her now. he would never forgive her. at least, she thought, now, he'll be able to forget her.. the thought brought forth new tears from her eyes.

but as she turned on the corner, she heard him speak, so softly that as if it was the wind that whispered to her, "sakura, i love you. and if being away from me will make you happy, if he can make you happy much more than i could, i'm letting you go. but you're taking my heart with you." it may not be possible, but her hear broke for the third time that day. his words had crushed it so much that she could feel it falling from her, piece by piece, on the ground. so much pain, that darkness started to envelope her.


	8. haunted past

_**hey guyz! sorry for the late reply... actually... i had finished up part two eons ago but i still dunno how im going to end it so i decided not to post it yet... thanks thanks thanks for all the reviews and ill try to put use capital letters but it seems like all my inspiration drains everytime i do so so... but ill try... if not here, on my next story... :D**_

_**anyways, i've updated the other chaps... found something amiss and i decided to use eli instead of eriol and use sam instead of aya... haha originally, my characters are eli and sam but i decided to change it to eriol and aya so i used the auto replace... haha stupid move coz all words that had 'eli' and 'aya' in it was also changed... and being lazy as i am, i decided to change it to eli and sam using auto replace again... than to change it one by one... sorry... hehe**_

_**so here's part two... :D enjoy!**_

__

_**PART TWO**_

_...let not yesterday remain as it is..._

_...endless sighs and neverending what ifs..._

_...yesterday can be today and tomorrow..._

_...if we wish it to be..._

_...together... _

_...let our hearts be one._

CHAPTER EIGHT: HAUNTED PAST

"its MY wedding, for goodness sake! the _BEST_ day of _MY_ life! and my bestfriends, who I have known all my life, and knows how _IMPORTANT_ this is for me, decides not to come just because their _EX_s are going to be there?! is this some joke coz it certainly is _NOT_ funny!"

sam, meiling and sakura looked at each other in shame and fear, then looked down on their floor, tongue tied. tomoyo is glaring at each of them in turn, while pacing around the room, her anger radiating from her and the other three gulped in fear - fear that their bestfriend will never speak to them again if they are to pursue their plan and fear of what, or rather who, they had to face if ever they go against it.

"i've been waiting for _TWO_ whole years for this day to come, two whole fuckin' years! and the only reason why it took that long is because i wanted to give you guys time! time for you to move on and work things out. but after everything i've been through, all the sacrifices i did, first losing you and waiting for you, you still decided not to come?! i thought you were my friends?!"

tomoyo took a deep breath to calm herself, her gaze softening at the women in front of her. she understands what they were going through, but she cant help but be selfish at this point. its been two years, and she missed having her genki bestfriends that are always beside her. sure, eli is a great companion but he could be a handful at times, especially during a specific time of the month when he never really learned to stay away from her.

"look. i understand what you are going through. but its been a long time. maybe its time for you face them. maybe facing each other will help you all to move on." she kneeled in front of them, looking at each of them pleadingly. "if you wont do it for yourselves, please do it for me. i had been waiting for so long for this day to happen. i'm so glad it pushed through in the first place, with what's been going on and stuff." the tinge of guilt again. "and i want all of you to share it with me. it wont be complete without you." she looked down at her hands, hoping against hope that they wouldnt find her request to be awfully demanding.

the three in question looked again at each other and sighed in defeat. they would want to ruin this for their bestfriend. they hugged the girl in front of them, indicating their acceptance, while the other girl laughed in mirth, happy that all her wishes are coming through.

"i love you guys! thanks so much! i really appreciate it!" tomoyo gushed, hugging them back.

'at least she is happy.' sakura, meiling and tomoyo thought.

-------

"so they are really going to come?" renzo asked in disbelief, looking at eli suspiciously.

"yep!" eli replied happily as he fixed his tie, oblivious to the questioning gaze of the three men with him. "tomoyo just called to confirm it." he had been quite ecstatic to hear that his fiance's bestfriends decided to come to their wedding for he knows that they are the only ones who could make it more special for his beloved. besides, he missed those girls, as loud and crazy as they may be. he can admit that life had been quite boring when the 'partners in crime,' as he would like to dub the quartet, had split up and gone into hiding. fortunately for him, they left tomoyo behind.

"did she tell where they had been all these time?" toya asked, flatly, which made eli look over his shoulder through the mirror at the three men, frowning. sure, since sam disappeared, toya became more subdued and he's always gone, even weeks at a time. so him joining in on their conversation simply shows just how anxious he is on the prospect of seeing sam again despite his nonchalant voice.

since sakura, sam and meiling disappeared - for reasons that is still a mystery to him - he had taken the unspoken duty to keep an eye on the boys they had left behind. he knows that whatever may had happened between them, the girls still cares for their men, a fact that tomoyo never fails to affirm at times they had ventured on the topic. he kept a close eye on each of them as he could, seeing that they could kill themselves in alcohol or any other means after drinking a whole tankard in one seating and watched the transformation that they had undergone and he wasnt quite sure if he welcomed it or not. toya became more quiet, always brooding in one corner and almost never talks. he thinks that the only reason why he still hangs with them is because he may hear from his beloved sam through them. renzo had been quite a ladies man. always flirting but never really gotten too close to a woman, emotionally and physically. everytime he spots a girl he likes, he goes and gets her, letting nothing stand in his way, even a boyfriend, a fiance or a husband. its as if he never really cares of the relationships he destroys. but all his relationships had been at arms length and lasted at most a week.

and syaoran, well syaoran is a different story. if anyone could sulk better than toya, it is syaoran. he had finally relented on his family's desire to let jane be his girlfriend/fiance. but he hadnt made an effort as well. the proposal and all the arrangements is being taken care of by jane and his family and all he had to do is show up in his wedding day and say i do. he didnt seem to care that jane is permanently latched on to his arm, but he never smiled either. he had stopped smiling eversince sakura walked out of his life and almost always had a drink in his hands.

"sorry." eli said, shrugging, returning to his tie. "she didnt. wouldnt tell me either." he said sighing. he wished he could do something for his friends. but he couldnt. or tomoyo would kill him. he turned to look at them, looking at each of them pointedly. "please dont kill each other during my wedding. i want it to be perfect for tomoyo. you could take a go at each other's throats after we had gone to our honeymoon, but not before."

"who said we'd want to kill them?" renzo asked, turning on the tv and flipping through it. the only indication of his inner turmoil is the constant flicking of his free hand.

eli half smiled and half smirked. "you'd probably want to tackle them to the ground and kiss them senseless." he chuckled, while slipping out of the room, ignoring the glares that he had been receiving. he might feel sorry for them, but they still make good entertainment.

-------

"are you sure we're doing the right thing?" tomoyo asked, as eli gently muzzled her neck. with this he stopped his minstrations to look at her frowning. she continued, "i mean, they're my bestfriends and even though its been years, they're still hurt and vulnerable. the last thing i wanted is for them to hide from me, too."

he smiled at her then kissed her gently on her lips. "we had to help them. they cannot go on living like this. its been two years, and yet they're still miserable without each other. they _STILL_ love each other. as much as i hate to say it, i've rather grown fond of the three stupids. i would really like to see them happy again."

tomoyo smiled sadly. "i know. i feel the same way about the girls. but -"

"i'm sure that whatever happened between them, it had all been a crazy misunderstanding." he cut in, knowing full well what tomoyo was thinking. he had no doubt that the guys had done something that made the girls run away, though they had never really opened up to him. they're current state just proves that whatever they did, it wasnt intentional. "it'll all work out in the end. trust me."

"i do." she sighed. "i just dont want them to get hurt much more than they're hurting now."

__

_**i know! such a short chap after all these time! haha :p ill be posting the next real soon :P promise!**_


	9. wedding bliss

CHAPTER NINE: WEDDING BLISS

tomoyo looked at herself at the mirror and she smiled. finally, its her wedding and she was so happy she was ready to jump out of the room and drag eli to the priest and say i do. but she also wanted to keep it special. at that thought, her heart soared in bliss.

she was so happy that eli did everything he could to make her dream wedding come true. she hadnt been able to recall when exactly did she told him of her dream - probably when they were still in college - and it simply surprised her when he told her where their wedding is going to be. what made this day even more special is that six of her deared friends also decided to make an appearance and be with her that day. with them and the man she loves, there is nothing else that she could ask for.

"at last, i'm finally getting married." she whispered to herself. they almost didnt make it here, with everything that had been happening around them. good thing they got it through together.

she then remembered her brother, and a slight frown grazed her features. she had really wanted him to be there, but she knows it is too painful for him. it had been a surprise when he showed up at her office all those years ago. she knew she never could if she was in his place.

_"i guess i wanted closure. make sure you're happy and all." he said, looking at her moist eyes. "i guess i should hate you, you and mom, for letting me stay with that bastard, but i couldnt. i missed you, you know. the last time i saw you, you were still in kindergarden, learning how to count." he looked like a pleasant memory suddenly popped into his smile and he laughed._

_seeing him laugh removed all the doubts running through her head. she ran up to him, crying as she latched herself to him, hugging him as tight as she could. her tears fell more when she felt her hug him back. "please stay." she sobbed into his shirt. "you're the only family i got left."_

_"you know i cant." he murmured. "this place brings too much painful memories to me. i have to move on."_

_"but i'll still see you, right? you'll still get in touch?"_

_"of course. i love you."_

_"i love you, too."_

_after a while he disengaged himself from her and gave her a knowing smile. "nice catch you have there." he said, motioning to the door, indicating eli who had gone out to gave the sibblings some privacy. "i am sure he loves you and from the look in your face when i first walked in, you do, too. i wish you nothing but happiness."_

aki wasnt able to come to her wedding because he had this emergency with his company that he desperately needs to take care of. she was happy that he had moved on and was able to visit her every now and then though she knew it still pains him to be there. she was just happy that she still has a brother to count on.

"and i wont be lonely anymore." she told her reflection in the mirror. "for from now on, i'll always have eli by my side."

-------

"this is so _NOT_ happening!" meiling muttered as she tried - and failed, _AGAIN _- to hook her pearl necklace around her neck, due to her shaking hands. "shit, shit, shit, shit, _SHIT_!"

"i heard you already." sam said, rolling her eyes at the panic-striken girl. she turned back at her reflection in the mirror and smiled ruefully. she looked beautiful, they all are. but they seem out of place. it is a wedding. a wedding is where happy people go to. and they, meiling, sakura and herself, are anything but happy.

"i still cant believe we're going through this shit!" meiling exclaimed, as she forcefully pulled on her hair to fix it.

"dont say that. you dont want tomoyo to hear you." sakura smiled sadly, looking at the dress she's wearing.

sam, sakura and meiling is at their room at the hotel they are staying for the wedding, making some last minute adjustments while waiting for the time of the wedding. tomoyo just left them minutes ago to get into her wedding gown.

sakura sighed as she looked at their gowns again. they were all wearing identical three-tone off-shouldered dresses. it fit tightly to their upper body, accentuating their curves, but the skirt is flowing, settling neatly at the floor. the only difference was that meiling was wearing shades of lavender, sam shades of blue and sakura shades of red and pink.

"i know!" meiling cried. "but just the thought of being in the same room with those... _MEN_... makes me sooooo frustrated, and to think, they'll be our partners!"

"there's really not much we can do. we want to make this memorable for tomoyo. i dont want to ruin this for her." sam said, looking at the floor.

"but she might had at least gave us somebody else as partners!" meiling retorted.

"we can do this." sakura said, but her uneasiness is still shown through her shaky smile. "we'll get through this together. we will never get away from each other's sights until the bride goes out to her honeymoon. then we'll go back to our retreat and never see them again."

meiling sighed in frustration. "if i didnt love tomoyo this much, i would have killed her."

unknowing to the three, a smile was hidden at the back of the door.

-------

it was nearly time for the wedding. the sky clear orange to show the setting sun. the place is simply breath-taking, clearly the couple had gone all out on this one. they were on a little church by the lake. it had been decorated with roses of all colors with cherry blossoms scattered on the floor and the seats. as if the inside wasnt good enough, one should only look outside the window - one side with the view of the lake scattered with swans, the other side a view of a plush garden - to stand in awe.

they were in front of the church now, the girls huddled closely together, taking as much time away from the men who kept on throwing furtive glances on them. the men are with eli, seemingly in a conversation, trying to show the girls that they are unaffected whatsoever. the girls however, kept their eyes on the ground in front of them, their hands shaking, thinking just how they are going to survive the night.

they were shook from their thoughts when a voice called them to their places, saying that the bride had arrived. slowly, reluctantly, they went to their spots in the line of entourage, keeping their eyes on everything but their partners.

"hold you partners. we're starting in five." a voice said, making the girls gulp.

"its been a long time." syaoran said silently to sakura, holding out his arm to her. she nodded dumbly and gingerly placed a hand on his arm. the touch sent a shock through their veins but neither would show it to the other.

the other two men followed suit and no other conversations were made during the whole procession.

-------

the wedding was beautiful. it was heart-warming to see to people so in-love with each other. anyone could see through the couple's eyes just how much they adore each other. when the priest announced them husband and wife, eli suddenly pulled tomoyo, making her squeel, and dipped her to kiss her and seal their bond. at this, the crowd laughed and broke into a tumultous applause as they witnessed the longest wedding kiss of their entire lifetime.

at the end, even sakura, meiling and sam are reduced to tears with their love looking at them, wanting to carry them away and hole up somewhere where there will be no more problems to make them shed their tears. but the girls glued their eyes at the happy couple, thanking God that they had what they wanted and crying for the belief that such happiness does not belong to them.

the reception is as wonderful as the wedding. they gathered on a garden adorned with all kinds of pretty flowers near the church. the full moon and the stars on their heads, the soft night breeze on their cheeks and the combined scent of the flowers and the lake are enough to tease their senses. the band is playing sweet music as their background as they ate course after course of delicious meals.

the girls were glad that they were not stuck on a round table with the men as the other guests. since tomoyo and eli had no close family left, they were seated on the head table facing the crowd, them three on tomoyo's side and the men on eli's side. they gave their silent prayer of thanks for this for they dont know what they would do if they were forced to look at the men all night.

but fate seems determined not to make them not face each other all night. for after they had all eaten, the dancing had began and the emcee announced that the dance will be opened by the bride and groom, together with the bride's maids and their partners.

"i dont think its working, eli." tomoyo whispered to her husband as they held each other in an embrace, but keeping an eye on the three pairs around them.

"i dont think so." eli mused, as he placed a small kiss on the top of her head. "they're not as stiff as during the procession. i think they are starting to warm up. and the night is still young. so many things can stil happen."

"but they're still not talking." she whined, but at the same time, basking in his embrace.

"boys will be boys. they have their pride to uphold. but they love the girls more than they love their prides so eventually they'll do something. and judging by the fact of just how impatient they can be, they do it sooner rather than later."

"i guess." tomoyo sighed then pulled herself a little to look him in the eye and smiled. "i've told you i love you, right?"

a kiss was all she needed as a reply.

-------

"sakura, we need to -" syaoran started, but was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. he turned and saw jane, a forced smile on her face, clearly not liking the idea of him dancing with his ex. he was sure sakura saw it, too, for in a second, she was out of his grasp and was walking away from him. but before he got the chance to call her back, jane had taken her place in his arms and was guiding him to the slow beat of the music.

sakura went to the newly weds and lightly tapped tomoyo on the shoulder, all the while, trying to keep the tears in her eyes. she knew of syaoran's engagement with jane. she had made it quite to a point to know how he is doing and if he is moving on though its been eating her inside. hearing about the engagement was hard was hard, it made her even weaker than she already is for never had she imagined life without him by her side.

but its been a year since she and she thought she had gotten over it. but seeing them together brought back all the pain ten-fold, and she knew she couldnt stand the night sanely if she stayed.

"are you okay?" tomoyo was now facing her, a hand on her shoulder, a concerned look in her face. sakura forced a smile.

"i'm okay, dont worry." she smoothed the crease on her bestfriend's forehead. "its your wedding! you should be smiling! anyways, i'm just here to tell you that i wouldnt be able to see you off. i'm going back." she smiled sadly. "i hope you understand."

tomoyo hugged her. "of course i do! i'm really happy you came, even just for a while. i'm sorry i had to -"

"you dont have to say sorry." sakura said, hugging her back. "its the most important day of my bestfriend's life. i wouldnt miss it for the world." she pulled away and smiled again at her bestfriend. "be good." she said, winking at tomoyo, who laughed in turn.

then sakura turned to the groom. she looked straight at him. "if ever you hurt her, you know what will happen to you." tomoyo laughed again as eli paled a bit. sakura smiled, and gave her friend a brief hug. "i'm happy you found each other. you deserve each other and i hope you'll always be happy." with that, and a small wave and smile, she turned and walked out.

-------

"i'm sorry -" renzo started as he stared at the woman in his arms, slighlty swaying to the music. it just pained him to know that this girl that he loves so much through time and everything hates his guts and would do anything to stay away from him. he could tell by her stiff body, her determined look and through her eyes that seemed determined not to look at him.

"you dont have to." meiling cut in, making him wince by the coldness of her voice.

"i -"

"you dont have to explain."

"but -"

"i dont need to hear it." at this, at last she looked at him, but her eyes hurt him even more. hate and anger was all in her eyes as she glared at him. now it was his turn to look away.

"meiling." they heard a quiet voice say and they turned to see sam looking at them. meiling immediately disengaged herself from renzo's grasp and turned to face her bestfriend.

"can i talk to you?" sam continued. sam flashed renzo an apologetic smile as they walked away from the man. "tomoyo told me sakura just left." sam said when she was sure they were out of earshot. "i was thinking of following her. tomoyo told me its okay if we leave, too. i think she felt guilty after seeing sakura. i think she saw jane and syaoran together."

at this, meiling's gaze softened. she was kind of irritated by the fact that sakura had left them behind but hearing what she had to go through that night, she knew that the first thing on her bestfriend's mind would be to leave and never turn back. she couldnt blame her. she would feel the same way if she would see renzo with one of his girlfriends, too.

"i dont know." meiling answered, truthfully. as much as she wanted to leave the party, she felt guilty about leaving tomoyo. "tomoyo had done so much for us for all these years. this is the best we could do for her."

"i know." sam sighed. "but seeing him... its hard."

"i know." she gave her bestfriend a small smile. "why dont we just stay a little while longer and pretend to have fun just for her sake. then we'll leave before they runaway to their honeymoon." she eyed the newly-weds. "which i think would be anytime soon since they could hardly keep their hands off each other." at that, sam looked at the couple, too, and they laughed, the first real laugh they had in years. seeing their bestfriend in so much bliss is enough to make them happy, even just for a while.

-------

"where are they?" renzo asked, as he, toya and syaoran gathered together as they watched the groom carry off his bride to their honeymoon.

toya shrugged. "last i saw of them is when tomoyo threw her bouquet."

if eli was with them, he would have been surprised to hear toya talk so easily, but this wasnt such a big surprise for the other two. during the years, the three had gotten close, considering that they are all going through the same things. sure they appreciate what eli looking out for them, but it is harder to open up with a person who has the life they had gotten so close in having but was taken away from them.

during their drinking sessions, before eli would come to save them, they would open up to each other. they knew each other's stories, and just how unfair fate is with them. they knew each other beneath the facade they are pulling on since the women disappeared and saw the pain each is feeling despite how cool they seemed to look.

"guess they left." renzo sighed, dejectedly.

"sakura left much earlier." craid said, darkly. "i think she left the minute jane latched herself on to me. glad to know she's still affected." he added sarcastically.

renzo laughed, dryly. "i wished i could have talked to her though."

suddenly, toya shot up from his chair. "why havent i thought of this before?" he exclaimed before running out of the room, leaving two stunned faces staring blankly at him.

"he's gone mental." renzo muttered, and syaoran just nodded his head, still stunned.


	10. confrontations

CHAPTER TEN: CONFRONTATIONS

"are you sure we had the right place?" syaoran asked for what seems to be the hundredth time as they stood outside the door of a house, as they gathered up the courage to ring the doorbell.

toya had again disappeared for a couple of days after tomoyo and eli's wedding and just came back the day before, an address clutched in his hand and a silly grin plastered on his face. the smile is what stunned the two men in the room, who was then having their usual night out, with a drink on their hands. it seems that it was the first time they had seen toya smile.

it seems that toya had pulled some of his connection to know just where exactly the three girls had run off to after they disappeared from the wedding. the minute they had heard it, they were up in no time, packing their bags, and was on the train going of to wherever retreat the girls had ran off to.

"no wonder why havent found them." renzo mused. "they had gone so far away. are we that repulsive that they desperately want to get away from us?" he sighed.

"ask them yourself." toya said, as he finally pressed the doorbell.

"coming!" they heard a familiar voice answer from the other side of the door, and all their doubts if they had found the right place had vanished from their thoughts.

a minute later, they heard the door open, and a slight gasp was heard from... sakura. "oh shit!" they heard, before the door slammed on their faces again.

sakura had her back on the door as she tried to keep herself from fainting from who she just saw outside their door. "i thought its finished... i thought they'd just leave us alone... i never wanna see him again..." she muttered as she closed her eyes, wishing it all was just a dream.

but the three sets of fist started to pound the door, and muffled voices were heard, and she knew that this is very much real.

sam and meiling stepped out of the living room when they heard the commotion and they quickly rushed to sakura when they saw that she was about to collapse, worry seen through their expression.

"what's going on?" sam said, as they hugged sakura, who suddenly broke out in sobs.

"they... here... found us..." sakura sobbed, not making sense.

"who? who's here?" meiling said, in her soothing voice.

"them!" sakura cried out. "they found us!"

it took a while before her words sunk into the two girls. they were becoming scared, too, as the shouts from outside their door became audible.

"let us in!"

"we're not leaving until you talk to us!"

"why wont you face us?!"

"please, you cant keep on doing this to us!"

"why cant they just leave us alone?" sam whispered, as they held each other, crying silent sobs.

-------

the girls are huddled together in a sofa in their living. still aware of the presence of the men outside their home. the pounding had long stopped and the cries had gone, but they hadnt left. they made true their promise - they had been through hell just to find them and they are not leaving until they had talked.

nighttime had fallen, its been hours, but the girls still hadnt moved. the winds were howling outside their windows, as the rain poured on. mother nature seems to be feeling the same way as they do for they feel the storm raging on. guilt silently ate through them as they knew the men is still outside, standing in the rain, waiting for them to open their door. but it was the fear and the hate and the hurt that was stopping themselves to take them in. they were afraid of opening up, afraid they would be much more hurt than they already are.

"i cant take this anymore!" meiling suddenly exclaimed, as she shot up from the couch. "i'm letting them in."

"you sure?" sam asked, a tint of amusement in her eyes. it was the last thing she thought her bestfriend could do - the first to give in. she had wanted to let them in hours ago for toya had really done nothing bad to her, it was she that was running away from him, and it hurts her to know that she had left him outside on the pouring rain, where he could catch pneumonia. but sakura's and meiling's case were different and she didnt want to force them to do anything they dont want to do. besides, she's still afraid of what will happen if she let toya in her life again.

"i'm not made of steel you know." she huffed, walking to the door, with the other two on her heels. "i still love that son of a ." she added, silently, making sam and sakura smile.

"we sure we want to do this?" sakura asked timidly, as they stood in front of the door, meiling's hand on the doorknob as she gathered up courage to open it.

"we'll just hear them out just as they asked so that they'll leave this stupid place and out of that rain." meiling said, her voice slightly shaking. "then we'll pack up and leave this goddamn place and go to a place where all their connections will be useless and we never had to see them again." with a nod, as if to convince to herself, she opened the door and braced herself for what was to come, but instead, silence greeted them, and she fell stunned. the men are no where in sight.

"they couldnt just have left." sam mused, as they walked out the door. "we could've heard them."

"oh my God!" sakura cried as she noticed three heaps of bodies sprawled on the benches of their garden. they quickly ran up to them and saw they were all unconscious.

sam timidly placed a hand on toya's forehead and gasped. "shit! he's burning up!"

at that, the other two examined syaoran and renzo. "i suppose we left them too long in the rain." meiling shrugged, forcing down a smile that was forming at the edge of her lips.

without warning, sakura suddenly broke in laughter, not really knowing what was funny. the two looked at her funny, then after a minute joined in the first laugh they had shared after two years.

"we better get them inside." sakura said after their laugh had died down, but a smile remained on their faces. "before we catch whatever they have."

then, they struggled as they pulled the three unconscious oversized men into their house.

-------

its been six hours since they had dragged the men inside their home and the sun is starting to rise. the girls had already changed out from their wet clothes and changed the men as well. since they dont have any men's clothes with them, they decided to remove the men's clothes, blushing fiercely as they did so, then wash them to dry, then put them back. they were glad that the men had stayed asleep as they did their task, cringing at the thought of what would have happened if they were caught doing what they are doing in the middle of them doing it.

they had laid them in their guestroom, in folding beds side by side as they took care of them, forcing the medicine down the men's throats and placing cold towel on their heads. they were glad that their fever had gone down and they are no longer shivering. they realized that the men had not been taking care of themselves well lately to have gotten a cold that easily, and felt another tinge of guilt in their hearts. after they did all that they could, they left the men to rest and again huddled together in the living room, watching tv, afraid to leave each other for fear of what may happen if the men woke up.

they hadnt had sleep since the day before but they were anything but sleepy. every sound outside of their movie made them jump, as if it was the men, waking up from their sleep.

after about the tenth time they suddenly looked back to the stairs, looking for the source of the sound and it wasnt what they thought, meiling stood up massaging her neck that was aching from their sudden movement. "i cant take this anymore. i'm going to sleep." she said, then started to walk up the stairs.

"wait! we're coming with you." sakura said as she and sam walked up to her. "we can all sleep in my room. its the farthest." sakura added.

without another word, they silently went to sakura's room and settled down for a restless sleep.

-------

"what happened?" syaoran asked himself as he slowly waked into consciousness. he opened his eyes and saw that he's not in his room, or any of his friends' rooms for that matter. in fact, it doesnt look familiar at all. he shot up from the bed as he slowly remembered the past events before he passed out, but the pain that attacked his head made him lie back down.

"easy there." he heard renzo say from beside him, and he turned and saw toya and renzo sitting from their beds, looking at him. "i dont think you're that well yet."

"what happened?" he asked again, as he slowly sat up from his bed.

renzo shrugged. "last thing i remember is being out in the rain and cursing at how heartless those girls could be, making us wait out there in the storm. never knew they had it in them, though meiling could be quite a fighter at times."

"guess we deserve it." syaoran sighed, leaning on his headboard. "figured they never want to see us again. and here we are forcing ourselves on them."

"i dont regret it." toya said quietly. "living without her is far worse than this."

"i know." syaoran sighed again. then a thought ran through his head that made him smile. "wait a minute, they let us in! and there's no way our clothes dried out by themselves! they took care of us! maybe they'll also give us a chance to talk."

renzo smiled, too. "figured that as well. or they would have shipped us off to God knows where. or at least meiling would. he he."

"guess we better find them." toya said, standing up. the other two followed suit and together, they walked out of the room.

-------

"they couldnt have just left us here!" renzo cried incrediously as they walked through the house and saw no trace of the girls. they've been in the living room, the kitchen, the patio and outside, but still they couldnt find them.

"calm down." toya said. "maybe they're just in one of those rooms upstairs, sleeping or something." he shrugged as he made his way upstairs.

they found the girls, lying next to each other at the third room they went into, at the farthest side of the house, which appeared to be sakura's for it was all pink. they had clearly identified to which each room belongs to because of its color - meiling's was lavender while sam's was blue. for a while, the men just stood by the door, struck by just how lovely and peaceful their loves looked asleep. they hated to be the one who caused them pain. they decided then and there to end it all and make up for lost time.

"you guys thinking what i'm thinking?" renzo said, a mischievously glint on his eyes as he approached the side of the bed where meiling was sleeping. he looked at toya who was standing on the other side of the bed, near sam. he gently scooped sam in his arms and smiled at renzo who did the same. "its a good thing they're heavy sleepers." he added.

"be good." syaoran said, winking at them as they walked out of the room. he was seated on the bed next to sakura, as he unconsciously played with her hair. "its not good to take advantage." renzo threw him a playful glare before closing the door behind him.

"everything's gonna be alright now." he whispered lovingly, as he looked down on the sleeping angel in front of him.


	11. no turning back

_**omg!!! im sooo happy with the reviews!!! thank you guys soooo much!!! and because of that, i decided to post the next two chapters now... honestly, i was thinking if i should stop this story, hence the long wait for the last chapter... but seeing all the reviews earlier... i thought that hey, maybe there is still hope for this after all!!! so please... review, review, review!!! and know that all your comments are taken to heart... (aww!!! sap!!!) wahaha**_

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_**okay... this is lemon so if you're not into these kinds of stuff i suggest u turn to the next chapter or, in case i havent uploaded it yet, turn to the next story... :P THIS CHAPPY IS FULL LEMON... YOU ARE WARNED... first time to write this stuff so beware and enjoy!**_

CHAPTER ELEVEN: NO TURNING BACK

she wanted this so much to be her reality, wanted so much to have her love back. though how wrong for her to dream of it, she still do, until this very day. after all the hurts and the pains and the late nights and the near death experiences, she still wanted him, loved him with all her heart.

maybe that's why she had given into this charade, into this fantasy. she wished it so much that she'd risk this dream of her to be real, just this once, and forget all the reasons why it was wrong.

sakura had awaken a lot earlier before she had felt kisses trailing up her skin. she knew syaoran was in the room with her, only her. something she ate the day before may just have made her insane, for the minute she woke into consciousness and heard the words of love he whispered as she caressed her hair and face, she had wanted so much to touch him, for him to touch her and feel his kisses. it had been so long... and she simply longs for him.

consciously, she had moved her position in her bed, an arm above her head, a hand on her bare stomachs, and legs sprawled, with one slightly bent, making sure to expose as much skin as possible and still pretend to be asleep. she had no idea what made her act that way for it had never been in her personality to be so seductive.

still pondering on the answer as to why exactly is she doing this, when she felt his hot breath on her skin and started to gently kiss her lips, then her neck and cheeks and bare shoulders. his hand was on her stomach, holding the hand rested there. electricity shoting through her nerves when he touched her bare skin. feeling herself loose control over her senses, she subconsciously placed her free hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer as he nibbled on her skin and ear, making herself pliant to his touch.

she moaned as he continued his minstrations. then out of the blue, an idea came to her mind, making her grin silly. his hand was now running up and down on the bare thigh she had exposed to him, while the other played with her hair. both her hands were now on the back of his head, encouraging him on whatever he was doing. she must really be crazy now on what she was about to do, but she couldnt help herself. it was her way of 'revenge.'

she moaned again as he reached a particularly sensitive spot underneath her chin. she was surprised that she was still able to listen to her mind. 'now is the time' her mind told her.

'here goes nothing.' she thought, as he moved down her neck. "oh jm..." she purred.

as expected, syaoran pulled away from her so fast that she thought her arms would snap. despite the pain, she smirked, keeping her eyes closed. she could just imagine the glare syaoran must be giving her right now.

"what. did. you say?" she heard syaoran say, with so much venom that any other normal person would cringe just by hearing it. any normal person, but not her. she's crazy just to start this whole game in the first place.

she opened her eyes slowly as if waking from a sweet dream. she blinked a couple of times before her eyes focused on him. "oh its you." she smiled sweetly at him, despite his killer glare. 'i could really put this acting into good use. maybe i'll audition for something after.'

"who the _HELL_ is _JM_?!" he barked at her, which made her smile even more. she was fanning his flames, and enjoying every minute of it.

she felt surprisingly calm, unnaturally calm. she never thought she'd feel this way in front of him ever again, especially if he's in one of his 'darker' moods. maybe they made her drink something last night that made her high. that's it, this is simply not normal for her.

"oh, a nobody. just somebody i met few days ago. he thought me a few things, if ya know what i mean." she smiled again at him, as his glare grew darker, if that was even possible. she slowly propped herself up and leaned against the headboard, looking at him with concern. "what are you doing here? you should be in bed. you were really sick last night. you sure you dont have any fever left?" she asked, placing her palm on his forehead, which felt warm indeed, but for all a different reason. "you're still warm. i think you should still lie down."

she smiled as she looked at his red face, red from all the suppressed anger that he was currently feeling for her. she was surprised he had held out this long. she had to remember to congratulate him later for a successful anger control.

she is crazy, indeed. a man who is three times stronger than her is looking at her as if he wants to kill her sooner rather than later, and she's still coming up with cheeky comebacks.

"what are you so _SMILEY_ about?!" he shot at her again, his male ego obviously bruised because of some secret joke she was playing on him. she couldnt help but laugh at him. he was sitting there, fuming, his eyes wide as saucers, his face red and steam is starting to go out of his ears.

"_SMILEY_? i never thought i'd hear you say such a _GIRLY _thing, syaoran matthews." she laughed.

"that's it! you're going to get it." he said, before lunging at her. for a minute, she was afraid of what he might do, knowing full well the extent of his anger. but what she didnt expect was for him to kiss her on the lips, pushing her even more at the headboard. it was a minute before she lost herself into the kiss, the pain of being roughly pushed against hard wood, and the pleasure of his soft lips on her, simply took her breath away. suddenly, as if a door had been ulocked and opened, all the suppressed passion and longing she had stored inside of her all these years went to the surface, meeting his hungry kisses with her own.

slowly, he slipped her back to lying on her back on the bed, their hands intertwined above her head, his leg draped on top of hers pinning her down. he gently nipped on her lower lips, asking for access, which she gladly did, opening herself to him, her tongue meeting his halfway. its been a long while before their lips parted, grasping for air. amber and emerald locked after years of parting, sending the comfort each needs desperately.

"i missed you." he whispered into her lips, letting his eyes say all the rest of the desperation and longing he had inside for her.

"i missed you, too." she whispered back. hearing those words broke the ice that had formed again in his heart since she left and he smiled, one of his rare smiles that he had reserved only for her. she is the only one who could reach the real him, without her, he was living in lies.

he kissed her again, letting his desire for her take over. he was straddling her now, her hands moving from the mess of his hair to his back. her touches made him desire her more, wanting her to never leave him again. he was kneeding her bare stomach and another hand was running up and down her sides. she moaned, making him feel more light-headed.

her hands snaked inside his shirt, and he felt his body tingle with anticipation, as she slowly caressed his well-toned muscles. "that's how you want to play, huh?" he whispered huskily into her ear, making her shiver. he nibbled her ear, as his hands slowly snaked its way up inside her tee top, over her laced bra, cupping her breasts. he gently kneeded them, as his kisses gently trailed her neck and shoulders, nipping and biting and licking all the skin he could find.

"oh syaoran." she purred and he was glad she got his name right this time. "i love you."

"i love you, too." he knew she still do. he knew that she was awake earlier when she started to seduce him, and somehow he knew she was just playing with him when she mentioned another guy's name. 'still, i'll kill that guy if ever there is really a _jm_ around her. nobody touches my girl.' he thought.

"please take me, take me now." she said, almost pleadingly to him. at that, he pulled away from her to look at her seriously. she still had her eyes closed, a soft smile on her face. he missed seeing her like this. he kissed her softly on the lips and her eyes fluttered open.

"are you sure?" he asked, staring straight into her eyes, and what he saw in them surprised him - determination and so much love, as much love as he had for her. that was all the answer he need.

she slowly nodded her head and he smiled. he stood from the bed, making her sit and look at him confusedly, tilting her head to one side.

he laughed at how cute she looked. there's just so much he missed about her. he kissed her nose. "not here." he whispered to her ear.

she looked even more confused as she scrunched her forehead in thought. he had to laugh again. "i mean, i've always wanted my first time to be..." at this he blushed. he had never admitted to anybody he's still a virgin. its just that... he never wanted to do it with anybody else than with her. "i mean, i wanted it to be special. is it okay if we... uhmmm... experiment a little?"

realization dawned into her face and she blushed hard, too. she looked down at her hands thinking. did she really want this to happen? 'yes!' her mind screamed to her. excitement started to build inside of her and she knew she cannot turn back now. 'i wanted it to be special, too.' she thought. she slowly nodded her head, then she looked up at him.

he was grinning like mad that she had to smile. he kissed her again, short and sweet but full of love. "thank you." he said, as he gazed lovingly into her eyes. she smiled.

"where?" she asked him, timidly, finding her voice.

"in the bathroom." he said, winking at her. "you have a really big bathroom. nice."

at that she blushed, imagining all things they could do inside the bathroom. "come." he said, taking her hand. "before they realize what was up."

she nodded, taking his hand and slowly made their way into her bathroom. she sure is glad that every room has its own bathroom. but just as a precaution, she made sure that the door in her room is locked, as well as the bathroom door.

she watched as syaoran opened the faucet on the bath tub, making sure that it is the right temperature. picking a few bottles from her cabinet, he poured some of its contents in the tub, engulfing the room with a lovely scent.

"you sure know your way here." she said, amused, as he walked around the bathroom with ease, finding the things he need immediately. "you sure you didnt come all this way to seduce me?"

he blushed at being caught. "i, well... uh... you see... you slept quite a long time and kinda looked around your room.." he said, staring at the ground.

she went up to him and gave him a peck on the lips. "i appreciate the effort." she whispered, batting her lashes at him.

it was his turn to kiss her, a passionate one that robbed her of her senses. "i think we should shower first. while waiting for the tub to fill." he whispered huskily into her ear, as he nibbled her earlobe.

they slowly inched their way to the shower, their lips and hands never parting from each other. once inside, she hastily threw the covers shut. he switched the shower on, drenching them both in water, their clothes clinging into their bodies.

he stared at her. she looked like a goddess, with water dripping from her face and her hair sticking on her forehead, she still looked lovely. he continued to caress her face. "i missed you so much. you dont know how miserable i was without you, thinking you were with that... creep." he kissed her forehead. "you are mine." he kissed her nose. "as i am yours." he kissed her soflty on the lips. "and nothing would ever change that."

he kissed her again, more passionately this time, his hands snaking inside her soaked shirt, cupping her breasts. he felt her hands unbutton his shirt, then slid it off him. taking the cue, he raised the hem of her shirt and lifted it off her. he kissed her bare shoulders as he slowly unhooked her bra and discarded it. he trailed kisses from her chin to her neck to her shoulder to her chests then took a nipple between his teeth and slowly nibbled it. he heard her sigh in satisfaction and he knew what he was doing was pleasing her. he then moved to the other, giving the same attention to it as the first one, while the other massaged the finished one. she was forever playing with his hair, pulling him closer to her as possible. after, he went back to her lips and kissed her. 'this was definitely a good idea.' he thought. 'water and sakura goes so well together.'

"i think the tub is finished." he said, turning off the shower. she merely nodded at him, dazed with all the attention he was giving her. he led her outside the stall near the tub and he kissed her again.

he pulled the zipper off her shorts, bringing it down along with her panties, trailing kisses along the way. he hastily took of his, too. then turned back to sakura. he was about to lie her to the tub when an idea popped into his mind and he grinned an evil grin, his eyes glinting mischievously. he was glad she was letting him do whatever he wanted. he was sure it would be the best day of their lives.

still kissing her, he positioned her so that she was straddling the edge of the tub, her back against the wall. he kneeled between her legs, opening her up to him. this made her blush wildly but didnt object. it was hard to think with everything he had been doing to her. all she could do is close her eyes and be pliant to his touches, making him do whatever he wanted, for she knew it gives him as much pleasure as he gives her.

he kissed her neck again, down her breasts, stopping a while to gently bite one of her nipples, then continued down to her stomach and further down to her womanhood. the sudden contact made her gasp, and open her eyes wide in surprise. she looked down at the man, bending down between her legs, his tongue and lips doing wonders to her. she closed her eyes again, savoring the sensation, her want of him building inside of her until she couldnt take it anymore and she fell.

syaoran smirked as he tasted her essence. he went back to her lips, making them both share her juices, and again, her want for him started to build.

"syaoran, please..." she moaned, and syaoran nodded against her lips. he had been putting her pleasure before himself far too long and he couldnt control it anymore. he had to take her.

he slid her into the tub, and again, they were surrounded by water, and it further aroused him. he sat there, her straddling his lap, their hands everywhere, giving into their deepest, darkest desires.

"it would hurt, you know." he whispered into her hair.

"i trust you." she whispered back and he smiled. he nodded at her before he gently lifted her and placed her in his throbbing manhood. he felt her wall of resistance and she cried out in pain. they stayed like that for a while, him inside of her, him hugging her, whispering comforting words to her ears. as quickly as the pain came, it ebbed away, replacing it with the feeling of fullness to be one with the man you love. "i love you." she said, hugging him tightly to her. "i love you, too." he replied back.

knowing by instinct what she had to do, she raised herself up until he was almost outside of her then went back in again, fully. repeating and repeating, faster and harder everytime until they could no longer hold on their climaxed at the same time, crying out each other's names. after, they stayed inside each other a little longer, never wanting to ever let go again.

when syaoran woke up the next day, he found sakura gone, with all her things, sam and meiling. they disappeared... again...


	12. i cant make you love me

CHAPTER TWELVE: I CANT MAKE YOU LOV E ME

...between meiling, renzo, sam and toya...

meiling woke up feeling really comfortable. she lazily kept her eyes closed, snuggling closer to the warm mass next to her, not very keen on leaving her peace yet. its been too long since she had a good night's sleep, way too long, and she doubted if such comfort would be given to her again.

she sighed contentedly as her pillow's arms wrapped itself tightly around her. she felt safe in its embrace, and happy... wait a minute... pillows dont have arms, do they?

at this, she shot her eyes open and what she saw made her heart skip one, two then three beats. 'no this is not happening to me!' she thought wildly. 'renzo!'

she was lying on top of a sleeping him, her head on his chest, a hand draped over his stomach, their legs intertwining with each other. he had his arms wrapped securely around her waist, and a little movement she made make him hold on to her tighter, like he doesnt have any intention of letting her go, even in his sleep.

she was struggling to think of a way to release herself from his grasp without waking him when he slowly woke up. not realizing she's awake, he removed one arm from her and looked at his watch, blinking repeatedly as he shook himself awake. after finally registering what time it is, he sighed and placed his hand back to her waist, and closed his eyes once again.

as much as she dont want a confrontation, she decided there is simply no way for her to get up with that grip of his so she spoke up. "you can let go of me now." she said, with as much venom she could muster, but failed to remove the blush that had crept her cheeks the minute he woke up.

he opened his eyes, and for a minute he just stared at her. clearly sleep hadnt released its hold on him yet. then a sleepy grin lit up his face. "good morning." he said.

"let go of me!" she spat out, pulling herself away from him. catching him by surprise she managed to disentangle herself from him but before she could shot up from the bed, he had grabbed her wrist, making her fall back into his arms.

"no." he murmured into her hair. "i missed you."

she stopped struggling against him, as she stiffened at his words. "you have no business missing me."

"let me explain, everything is not what it seemed. please hear me out. i dont want to lose you again. i love you. dont you love me still?"

"you never deserved my love. you never had, and you never will."

at that, he held her at arms length, looking into her eyes. clearly she had not said what she just said. she didnt mean that. their past wasnt a lie. it was real. and he'll do anything to bring it back. "what do you mean?" he asked, somehow afraid of what her answer will be.

she looked back at him, her eyes blank, devoid of all emotions. "i never loved you. and you cannot lose what you never had."

-------

"i still love you."

"i know."

"i need you."

"i know."

"please come back."

"i cant."

"why?"

"because."

"that's not good enough an answer."

"deal with it."

sam sighed and felt her heart twitch at the hurt look on toya's face. she had never spoken to him like that ever before. heck! they hardly spoke before. this may had been the longest conversation they had ever. she knew toya had changed a lot over the years, physically and mentally. he no longer had the bruises he had before when they were still together. he seemed pretty healthy enough. but emotionally, sure ha had gotten through some issues for she knew instantly that he had taken syaoran and renzo through that barrier of his, but she felt him more broken and lost. her heart reaches out for him, for she knew that it is she that could bring his broken pieces back together, but her mind tells her otherwise, and her fear overrules however strong her emotions for him are.

she closed her eyes, not wanting to see his again, with all the hurt and betrsaml in them. she was glad he had made no move to touch her and stayed at the chair next to her bed as she sat on it, her back on the headboard, or else her resolve would have disappeared in a flash. she missed him so much and would give anything to have his kisses back, but his life comes first, it will always stay that way.

"look." she started, as calmly as she could, forcing herself to look into his eyes. "there is a reason why i left you. there is a reason why i stayed away all those years. cant you see?! i'm handling everything alright since i left and you just have to appear on my doorstep to ruin everything! as much as i need you, i cant, i cant need you, i cant miss you and definitely i _CANNOT_ love you!" she was now shouting, single tears flowing down her cheeks. she clutched the sheets in her hands tightly. "cant you understand?! im doing this for you! do you think i adore it to see you beaten up every day you come home to me?! no! in fact, i die each time! now, i'm just this empty vessel walking on this hopeless shit of a world because _YOU_ cannot understand the sacrifices _I_ made! you just have to come back and haunt me all over again! how _SELFISH _can you get?!"

she buried her face in her hands, not being able to control it any more. she vowed never to cry again, after months of crying endlessly for him, she vowed to move on. but it all had to change in a single day. she cried her heart out, feeling her insides crunch up in pain.

it had taken a long time, but her tears soon subsides and reduced to silent sobs, as she rocked herself back and forth, hugging her knees close to her body. she could feel his presence and his unwavering gaze, but it failed to bring the comfort it used to have. if anything, it made her feel even more cold and alone.

"sam." his quiet, hoarse voice made her look up at him, only to find him out of his seat and in front of the door, a hand on the handle, his back turned to her. "i'm sorry i caused you pain. i'm sorry i made you cry. i promise i wont make you cry again. i'll leave you alone." she knew he was crying now, and took all the restraint she had not to run up to him and never let him go, "but its you who dont understand. you think you're giving me happiness but i told you before and i tell you again, you are my happiness. my one and only. you think that what you're doing is keeping me alive, but its the one killing me softly from the inside. i'd rather have them kill me than for you to do this to me. but i'll leave, if that's what you desperately want. but i'll leave my heart with you. i doubt if i'll survive with it anyway."

at that, he walked out the door, the hollow sound of the closing door, eating away what was left of her heart. her vision swirled, darkness starting to envelop her. "toya, i love you. stay..." was all she could whisper, before she passed out.

-------

_...you cannot lose what you never had..._

_...you never deserved my love. you never had, never will..._

_...i never loved you..._

_...never..._

_...loved you..._

"the hell! i never loved you, too, bitch!" renzo spat at the glass he was currently holding and glaring at. he was one of the bars toya, syaoran and himself had reserved for times like this, times when everything was so overwhelming that he doubted if he will ever pass the night.

toya had disappeared again to God knows where after he had his talk with sam. he was long finished having his and was glaring tv, waiting for the two to finish up, when toya stalked down the stairs and hastily bid goodbye. after that, he never saw him again. after two hours of waiting for syaoran, he decided he was going to take a lot more time so he decided just to pin a note at the door telling him that he had gone, too.

it was only yesterday that he had found out from a fuming syaoran that the girls had disappeared again, but he had been too numbed to care. syaoran had left even more frustrated that day, knowing he could not get any help from him.

it was a friday night, a night they had reserved for themselves to drink and be wasted and forget about all the problems in the world. but eli is in his honeymoon, toya no where to be found and syaoran finding the girls no matter how unlikely it could be, and he found himself all alone. a drop of water landed on his fist and for a minute there he thought it was raining inside the bar. it was then he realized that he was crying.

_...i never loved you..._ was all that was ringing in his ears, over and over, until he was sure he had gotten insane.

-------

_"if you dont want to believe me then dont. they had been together even before the two of you had been together. the only reason why i went with him was to warn you. i wanted to make up from everything i did to you before. i dont want you hurt anymore, coz i'm hurting, too..." kaye said, looking out the window of their cottage..._

_...yuuhi and meiling hugging at the bar..._

_...the pain was all too much. as much as he wanted not to believe kaye, he saw what he needed to see. he let kaye hug him, as the numbing feeling of his heart increased. he didnt care anymore, meiling doesnt love him. everything was a lie. she doesnt love him. he felt kaye kiss him but he didnt pull away. her kisses seemed to be empty, pale compared to meiling's. he heard a sound of breaking glass, and he jumped. he turned toward the direction of the sound, but found no one there, only the remains of a broken vase. he didnt see the triumphant look on kaye's face..._

_"...who are you going to believe, her or me? she cheated on you once and you still trust her over your bestfriend that had been with you since you were in diapers? nothing happened between me and meiling. nothing, nada, not before, not now, not ever. she's a sister to me and that's that. if you trust that slut more than you trust us, then maybe you dont deserve meiling. she deserves much more than an asshole like you." at that, chirstopher turned his back on him and walked away..._

_"...she's gone. she had left. i dont know where she is. i'm sorry." tomoyo said, with an apologetic look on her face._

too much memories. renzo tried to drown them with alcohol but with no such luck. why cant everything go back to how it used to? why did everything had to fall apart just because of one day, one instance, one hug, one kiss? why does it have to be him that is hurting?

because he's the one that caused it all. the stupid one. it serves him right to rot in hell.

_...i never loved you..._


	13. a future

**_Author's Notes: Sorry, that I've taken longer and longer to upload... I'm running out of chappies to post... currently dunno what I want to do with this fic... Any suggestions??? More angsty??? Tragedy?? Just let me know... Thanks!!!_**

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**_Dont forget to REVIEW!!!_**

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CHAPTER THIRTEEN: A FUTURE

"you have to tell him." tomoyo insisted, clutching sakura's hand, to make the girl look at her. "you need him now as much as he needs you. and he deserves to know the truth."

"i dont think i can.." sakura started, looking at the floor.

"you can," meiling said, aiding tomoyo. "you have to."

"and besides, we'll be there for you no matter what happens." sam said, giving the girl a smile. "whatever that slimeball say to you, we'll back you up. if he as so much say the wrong words, i'm gonna beat the living daylights out of him... i mean , we." she said, making them all chuckle.

"yeah..." sakura sighed, still somewhat doubtfully. "its all for the best..."

-------

"why did i agree to this again?!" sakura cried to the empty house in front of her, pulling on her hairs and feeling every little bit restless. its been two months since she had last been in this place, this place where she had been her home for two years. her first refuge from the cruel world.

'because you love him,' her conscience answered her. 'and you would give anything for a future with him.'

"but there's no future!" she shouted back. she was glad tomoyo had left her to herself before syaoran arrives, or else, she would think she had gone insane.

here she is, waiting for the man of her dreams, her only love, to come and try to settle things down. she had been very reluctant at first, but as her friends had told her, she needed him now more than ever. heck, she doubted if she go on through with this by herself!

its just that, she's scared. what will syaoran say to her? will he accept her? will he think she's lying? will he deny what they had? or had he moved on with his life, finally tired of her leaving him over and over again?

honestly, though, she knew the answer to the last question. she could feel it in her heart as well. _you are mine as i am yours. _he had said to her that night. and she knew that nothing could ever change that, no matter how many times she denies it to herself and to the world.

besides, tomoyo had pretty much told her the same thing. her heart ached everytime tomoyo would tell her every little stupid thing he does like getting drunk senseless knowing it is she who had caused that pain to him. but no matter how much she loved him, she's scared more for him, and now for the life inside of her.

'shit!' she exclaimed to herself when a familiar wave of nausea hit her. she had barely made it to her bathroom when she threw up, vomiting what seems to be everything she ate for the past week. 'please, not this time. i dont want syaoran to see me like this.' but her sickness just wont want to stop.

too late. "sakura!" she heard a male voice call. if she hadnt been so sick, she might have cringed at the voice. it held so much... anger. it made her think that the minute he had set his eyes on her, he would strangle her.

but she was too sick to care, she sat at the cold tiles, leaned over the tiolet,. spilling her guts out. maybe him killing her would be better. at least she wouldnt have to feel like her insides are being forced outside of her body every minute of everyday. well, maybe not.

he saw her, sprawled at the bathroom floor, vomiting, and all the anger that he had previously felt left him. next thing he knew, he was by her side, holding her hair out of her face as she continued to throw up. his free hand massaged her back, hoping it would bring her comfort.

as much as he hated her for leaving him after everything they had been through and done, he hated it more to see her in pain like this.

when the nausea had stopped, all that was left was her tears, as she cried in his arms. it had been the longest wave of sickness she had been through, and she's not sure how much more can she still take. she welcomed the comfort of his warm embrace, believing that it is the only thing that could make her go on. everything is just too much for her. she cant keep running away anymore.

"are you okay?" he asked her as his hand ran through her hair to comfort her. "want me to bring you to the hospital?"

"no! please, i am fine now." she said, between sobs, hugging him tighter.

slowly, as if not wanting to hurt her any more, he gently carried her to her bed and laid he on it. he sat beside her as he continued playing with her hair, his other hand enveloped in both of hers.

"rest now." he told her. "we'll talk later." she nodded, feeling sleep take her over. she felt the slight change of tone of his voice, and it worried her. he had probably felt, if not seen her bulging stomach by now. she was glad he's not forcing her to tell him anything, as of yet. but then again, she wanted to tell him. so just before her eyes fell shut, she said, "im sorry. but, you're going to be a father."

-------

"you cant keep running away, too. you have to face it, sooner or later, just as sakura had done. he needs you." tomoyo said, clutching both of sam's hands, looking through her eyes pleadingly, but sam just looked back at her, with fear and confusion in her eyes. "eli is worried about him. he hasnt seen him since the wedding. renzo said he'd last seen him the day they saw you. he's never been gone this long. and honestly, at his current state, it is something to be worried about."

sam looked down. she was so worried about toya. where could he have gone to now? is he alright? what if something happened to him? what if he... not he's not! he cant be!

"you know how i felt the minute you three decided that you're leaving." tomoyo continued. "i told you its not going to work. you're just hurting each other even more. look at all of you now. almost three years had passed and neither one of you had moved on. we have to stop this. stop it before its too late. please."

"but you dont understand..." sam said, weakly.

"the hell with i dont understand! if anyone understands, it me and eli! we've been caught up in the middle of this for far too long! and dont you dare tell me that nobody told us to stay in it! we love you too much not to care! you cant just tell us stop caring!" tomoyo ranted, as she paced aroung the room, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. "i know what's happening! you're running away! and i have a pretty much good idea why! i'm not blind! i see how physically bruised toya was before you left." she kneeled in front of sam to make her look at her, her voice gentler. "but cant you see. its you who's killing him, with you leaving him, making him believe that you dont love him. i know both of you will find a way somehow."

tears had formed in sam's eyes, and though how much she had tried to hide it, it fell. tomoyo hugged her, comforting her, but she still feels cold. she had been cold since the day she left toya, and even colder when toya walked out on her.

just like her tears, her love for him is just hard to hide. maybe... its worth the risk after all.

she just hope its not too late.

-------

_"eli, i need your help, and im pretty much sure you would or else you shouldnt have brought me here in the first place."_

eli stared at his phone, not entirely sure if he's hallucinating or not. when he noticed that he indeed have a call, he whispered back. "syaoran, whoa there, i think you just lost me there. and why are we whispering."

he heard syaoran's exasperated sigh from the other end of the line. _"i dont want to wake sakura up. figured she'll just bolt and disappear again the minute she does. here's the thing. we need to get out of here, undetected. when i mean get out of here, i mean out of this place, out of this country. period."_

"o-kay. though im not entirely sure why you need my help on that." eli replied, casually sitting on the sofa. he heard tomoyo walk in to the living room and he smiled at her, mouthing to her who's on the phone.

_"because."_ he noted that syaoran is going impatient. _"we need to get out of here without my family knowing. i dont want them dragging me back without her. i need her. she needs me. and the baby needs us both together."_

"BABY?!" eli spat out, looking at tomoyo, confused. she just shook her head at him, mouthing she'll tell him later.

_"i dont know much myself. sakura had barely said that before she passed out. but im not taking any chances. i saw a note by the door when i arrived. it was probably left there the first time we went here, and it wasnt good. i know understand why she's been running all these time. my family's threatening her."_

"what the - ?!"

_"look, i dont have much time. we need the tickets, just make sure they wont be able to trace us. tell your wife, too. we need to get there undetected." _

"sure, bud." he said, resignedly. "stay put. we're picking you up once we handled the arrangements."

_"thanks. i owe you."_

"sure you do." was all he said before hanging up. eli looked at his wife who was looking at him sheepishly. she have a very long explaining to do.


	14. lost and found

**_Author's Notes: yey!! Another chap! thank you so much for your reviews and insights. Honestly there was a time that I considered stopping this fic but those reviews changed my mind. As long as there is one person enjoying this fic, I'm happy. hehehe emote emote... I dunno why... I'll be uploading the rest of the chaps of part two. the next chaps would be a little sad and angsty but I promise, part three would be more fluffy and happy.. enough with this... enjoy!!!_**

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CHAPTER FOURTEEN: LOST AND FOUND

sam is panicking now. she had done tomoyo's advise and went to look for toya but she couldnt find him. he wasnt at his house, he wasnt with syaoran nor with renzo. now she's going to every place they had been to. 'please let nothing happen to him. please let him be safe.' she prayed as she walked across the park in a desperate search for him.

she had found him at last, at a little shed they used to share. it was their secret haven - he had brought her here when he first told her he loved her. it had been their secret place ever since, a place where there was nobody else but the two of them.

_they stood by the window, looking out, seeing the beauty of nature surrounding them._

_"its like, we're the only people in the world." sam sighed, marvelled at the scene in front of her. toya is with her, hugging her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder._

_"i dont mind. as long as im with you, im happy." he whispered to her ear. she turned in his embrace, placing her hands on the back of his neck. "i love you." he said, placing a soft kiss on her nose. "and i'll never leave you. if you need me, just call me and i'll come. even if you dont feel the same way anymore, just come here, and i'll be here still, waiting for you, to love me again. for i know, i'll never stop loving you."_

a tear slipped from her cheeks when he saw him. he was gazing out the window, looking lost and scruffled. he looked like he'd been in a fight, dried blood found on random on his clothes and skin. he looked so lost and broken. her tears are now running down her cheeks like waterfalls.

he noticed her at last, and at the sight of her, his eyes went wide as saucers. is his mind playing tricks on him again? ever since he had left her that day in her retreat house, he still cant stop his heart from loving her. in fact, it had been worst than the two years when he hadnt known where she is. this time, he could reach her, could touch her, could make her laugh and protect her, yet, he couldnt. she wouldnt let him, and she shoved him away. that hurt more than anything he had to endure before. she didnt want him.

when gentle arms slowly embraced him, that was when he was brought back to reality and realized she was real. he hugged her back, his tears mingling with hers, and not wanting to let go, afraid that once he did, she'd disappear all over again. he was crying, he was laughing. he was happy again, for the very first time in long, long time.

she came back... she found him...

she was laughing, too, happy that he was happy, her heart doing sommersaults in her chest when she heard his laugh. she had forgotten how heavenly it sounded. and right at this very moment, she had forgotten why the hell did she leave him in the first place.

"you need a bath." was all that she was able to say before he crushed his lips with hers.

-------

"tell me again why you didnt tell me this before?" eli said to tomoyo, casting a sideway glare at her which she just responded with a guilty smile. they were on their way to the retreat house, a few disguises and clothes at the back of the car and two tickets and some money in tomoyo's hand. "it would have been dangerous, you know. you dont know at what length the family can do just to get what they want." his stern voice was replaced with that of worry for his wife.

"i know." she replied softly. "i'm sorry. but i promised sakura." then she perked up. "but isnt this so kawaii?! they're going to elope! isnt that the most romantic thing you ever heard?" she continued, stars clearly shown in her eyes. "actually, its more of he's taking her away and all since she's unconscious when all of these are happening. but still, its just so romantic!"

at that he had to laugh. he was really happy for his cousin and sakura. at last, they would be together - even on the run - and his cousin would be so happy that he wouldnt want it any other way. and besides, he's going to be a father. and from the sound of his voice on the phone, despite everything, he was simply ecstatic on the news.

"its not fair, you know." he said after a while in a slightly mischievous voice that made tomoyo look at him in confusion. "he's got to be a father before i do, and i got married before him."

at that tomoyo blushed, looking down at the ticket on her hands. her heartbeat went up wildly and she was beginning to feel restless. should she tell him? "you want to have children?" she squeeked.

eli raised his brows at her. "of course i do! there's nothing more beautiful in this life that to have little me's and you's loitering the house."

at that, her heart fluttered. maybe the timing wasnt right, especially with what's been happening with her bestfriend, but she still couldnt deny herself and her husband this happiness. "so i guess we better start the nursery then, ne?"

"when do you want it done?" he asked. if he were to be asked, he wanted it as soon as possible.

"uhmm,maybe in about eight months." she tentatively replied.

when her words sunk in, his heart gave a jolt of happiness. he hastily parked the car to the side of the road. does this mean what he think this mean? 'so this is how syaoran felt.' he thought, grinning wildly.

tomoyo rolled her eyes at him. "figured i should have told you when we're not at the car." she murmured to herself. then she glared at him, still a little shaken at his abrupt stop. "what were you thinking?! do you want us both to have a heart attack?! geez, and the baby's not born yet. hope he/she doesnt get his wild side." she added the last sentence in a murmur.

she was about to say something to wipe the goofy grin from his face but was stopped when eli suddenly kissed her with such enthusiasm and happiness that she couldnt help but be happy herself. her nerves started to calm down and a contented sigh passed her lips. 'at last, all my dreams are starting to come true.' was all that was running through her head.

-------

meiling looked at the dim room in front of her. here she sat on their second retreat's living room couch, just staring at nothing at particular. sakura was with syaoran and sam was lookiing for toya and for the first time since she had went into hiding, she was alone. a tear fell from her eye.

she was happy for her friends, really. she had watched them suffer over the years and she loved them both so much that she knew they deserve this happiness. sakura is going to start a family with the man she loves and sam is going to fight for hers. they didnt deserve this pain, what fate had given them. they deserve to be forever happy with their love.

she couldnt say the same for herself. its been years but she couldnt move on. she had loved him so much to forget him and she knew, although how much it pained her to do so, she would love him and think of it until her death and even beyond it.

with her best friends, they had been running away. running away from their love and happiness which wasnt right. the men are willing to take any risk to be with them and yet they refused. she was reluctant at first when they told her that they were coming with her for she knew it would only hurt them. one of the hardest pain one had to endure in his/her lifetime is to know that he/she loves someone with all of his/her heart and knowing that that person loves him/her, too, yet couldnt be with that person because of someone else. its hard, but that's how life goes. sometimes, two people just love too much and the others love too little.

but her case was different, or what she had been saying to herself. sure, she was kind of running away, too, but all the different reason. in her bestfriends' case, outside parties were the ones who love too little. in her case, it was them.

she loved him, she really loved him. if not, she wouldnt be here right now. but she is too hurt and too angry with him to listen to her heart. he had betrayed her. he had betrayed their love.

she saw it when kaye kissed him in the cabins, and deep inside her heart, she knew that he didnt want her to. but seeing him not push her away tear her heart. and what she heard later completely broke it.

_"how could you this to me?! i thought i was your bestfriend! and you go stealing my girlfriend behind my back!" a fuming renzo shouted at the equally annoyed toya._

_"what are you talking about?! you were the one who was kissing MY girlfriend!" toya fired back._

_"this isnt about me! and as if you were not humping around with my girlfriend! i saw you at the bar, and you looked pretty cozy to me! and dont you dare tell me its not what it seemed coz i knew what i saw and im not stupid!"_

_"no you're not stupid! you're just a plain asshole! i was not 'humping around' with YOUR girlfriend as you callously put it! she was crying and i was comforting her!" toya raised his hand when he saw renzo openned his mouth to interrupt him. "and you know WHY she was crying?! that stupid bitch of yours told her to stay the hell away from you because apparently, you were hers!"_

_"dont turn this on me! you were the one going out behind my back!"  
_

_toya gave a dry laugh. "is that what that bitch told you? i should've known." then he glared at him again. "did you seriously believe her?!" silence came and he glared more. "holy shit! you are much more an asshole than i thought! really now, who are you going to believe, her or me? she cheated on you once and you still trust her over your bestfriend that had been with you since you were in diapers? nothing happened between me and meiling. nothing, nada, not before, not now, not ever. she's a sister to me and that's that. if you trust that slut more than you trust us, then maybe you dont deserve meiling. she deserves much more than an asshole like you." at that, chirstopher turned his back on him and walked away._

she had heard everything. she was hiding in the one of the rooms near the main cottage when toya and renzo broke into a fight. she saw his eyes, which had shown pure fury and hate and betrsaml. and she knew that he didnt believe in her. he actually thought she could play with him like that, that she doesnt love him.

he didnt believe in her. he didnt believe in their love. he would rather believed a person who had cheated on him once than trust her. that hurt more than what she saw or whatever she had went through. she loved him so much that she was willing to take any risk to be with him. and yet, he doesnt trust her.

'he doesnt deserve my love. he never trusted me enough. how could he love me?' she sobbed, hugging the throw pillow she had found beside her. 'and yet, why do i still love him with all my heart?'

"i cant live like this anymore. i'm coming back. im gonna face him again. im going to be happy. im gonna be happy without him."


	15. breakaway

**_Author's Notes: I'm back! Sorry for the late update, I'm trying to pace my updates since part three isnt finished yet, I dont want to leave yah guys hanging for too long so I dont want to upload what I have finished right now... hahaha... but enough of me blabbing... Thanks for the reviews! You guys are the best!_**

**_Read and review! Enjoy!_**

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: BREAKAWAY

it had been so long since sam woke up like this. she smiled as consciousness slowly consumed her and she was getting more and more aware of the warm mass beneath her. she blushed, remembering what had happened but snuggled closer to her warmth. she gave a blissful sigh as she listened to her love's steady heartbeat beneath her ear. and at that very moment, she knew that this moment is worth every risk.

she felt his embrace tighten around her and she looked up to see a smiling toya, beaming at her. she placed her chin on top of his chest mirroring his smile. she hadnt seen this side of toya before. he seems more carefree now and more open. maybe her leaving wasnt a lost cause after all.

she hadnt been able to stop herself from asking tomoyo every now and then what had happened to toya and what she found out both surprised and saddened her. she was very worried when she heard that they boys had started their habit of drinking to pass time, but she was glad that toya had started to open up to the boys. tomoyo had mentioned that eli told her that when the three - toya, renzo and syaoran - thought he wasnt looking, he could get into any conversation so easily. she always had a hard time to make him tell her things. but somehow, she was glad that he had found someone else other than her, to show his true self.

"morning." he whispered, lowering his head down to give her a small kiss. "nice nap?"

"you betcha!" she said, snuggling next to him once again, kissing his chest that she had been using as a pillow. "honestly, i never thought i'd sleep that well ever again."

"i told you not to run away, but you just wouldnt listen." he said, laughing. she looked up at him and pouted, but inside, she was jumping in joy. this is not the toya she is used to, but she loved this side more and she was determined to make him let it out more.

"i already told you i'm sorry." she whined, slapping his chest playfully. "forgive me and let me make it up to you already."

he chuckled, making her heart beat fast once again. she had noticed the glint in his eyes and she knew what he was thinking. sure enough, in a blink of an eye, he had shifted his position and he was now on top of her, pining her to the bed. "i dont think so." he whispered, huskily, nibbling her ear. "i'm gonna make sure that you'll make it up to me for the rest of your life. that way, you're not going to have the chance to run away from me again."

she sighed as he kissed her deeply and passionately. if she was to be asked, she wouldnt want it any other way.

"you know," she said as she snuggled against him once more. "me leaving has a good effect on you. i should do it more often."

"no, you're not." he said in such seriousness that made her look at him with a frown. "i'm not letting you out of my sight again." he touched her nose with a finger. "i've had you gone enough to last for a few centuries."

"aww." she cooed, mocking him, pinching his cheeks. "i love you, too."

-------

"let me go!"

"no."

"i said, let. me. go."

"NO!"

sakura is fuming. its not helping, not helping at all, that her hormones are currently in an overdrive. she glared, with all her hatred to the man in front of her, the man holding her to keep her in place, glaring at her with the same intensity in his eyes.

"you cant hold me in here forever." she spat out, evenly, locking her eyes with his. "one way or another, i'm gonna get out, kill my bestfriend for doing this to me, then walk out of all of your lives, never to be heard of again. if you release me right now, i might take pity and write every once in a while."

"i have not exerted all this effort for you to disappear on me again, got that?! do you know what it took for me to ask the help of that no good ancestor of mine and his equally crazy wife? and besides, are you sure you want to keep your child away from his father, who by the way, is me?!" his voice still has its edge, the bitterness, the anger and the hurt.

at that, sakura froze. she had forgotten that 'little' fact. and no matter how angry she is right now because he had "kidnapped" her and took her to a place that she doesnt even now the name of, she cant help but feel scared. this is syaoran we are talking about. he sure can make things turn to his advantage.

slowly, she grinned sheepishly. "oops. i forgot about that. he he. im not used at this kinda stuff." she said, unconciously rubbing her stomach with the hand that was not clutched by syaoran. no matter how serious the situation is right now, she cant help but add, "let's make you a deal. let me go now, ill let him stay christmas and thanksgiving with you. and if its a twin, you take one and i'll take the other one."

"its not funny you know." syaoran growled, his patience wearing thin.

"you dont see me laughing, do you?" sakura said pointedly. she missed getting on syaoran's nerves like this. for after everything that had happened between them, its a welcome reprieve. he might not be the best person to be with when pissed, but its just so fun to tease him.

"you're enjoying this, arent you?" he asked in clenched teeth. she smiled at him, and he felt his heart skip a beat. he missed her smile. he hadnt seen her smile in a very long time. her last days with him had always been in tears. he hated making her cry. he hated himself for not being able to shield her from pain. anger coursed through him again, 'its all their fault! why do they have to hurt her like this?! why cant they just let me be happy?!' he thought.

"pretty much!" she giggled. 'these mood swings are pretty weird,' she thought. she could get from being pretty pissed to bubbly in a matter of seconds. "i forgotten how funny you look when you're trying to control your anger." she giggled again. then a thought crossed her mind, "by the way, i've been meaning to tell, that night, i really wanted to congratulate you for a very successful anger management. i never thought you'd last that long." she said, in mock awe.

"glad that i'm still capable of amusing you." he spat, giving her one more glare before releasing her and turning his back on her. she fell silent at once as she stared at him, walking to the window. looking out, he sighed. "i never thought i could ever make you smile again. i thought i'd never have the chance."

she slowly walked to him, as close as she could without touching him. a small, contented smile on her face, she leaned her forehead on his back. he tensed feeling her closeness but did not dare ruin the mood. they stood there like that for quite a while, their only connection was her forehead and his back.

"you are the only one who could make me smile." she whispered so softly, he hardly heard her. "you're the only reason i smile."

"then why do you keep running away?" he asked desperately, punching the wall at the side of the window.

she sighed. slowly, carefully, she circled her arms around his waist, her face covered in his shirt. "i dont know. i really dont know. all i know is, i dont want to lose you, one way or the other. i just, cant, take it."

"then stop pushing me away!" he blurted out. he spun in her embrace and enveloped her in his arms as well. burying his face at the side of her neck, he let the tears fall. he never cried before this day, but the desperation, the loneliness and the pain got the better of him. its been too long. too long that they've been apart.

she stood there, hugging him, hoping to give him comfort. "i wanted you to be happy. i wanted you to move on. this is not you, syaoran. you're a lot stronger than this. you could go on without me."

he tightened his hold on her as he shook his head. "no. i dont want to. you cant make me. this is me. this is the real me. the me after you left. the me you left behind. i would never be happy with anybody else than you."

she couldnt take it anymore. her own tears are now falling, unable to bear the pain she had caused him. he looked so broken, so lost, so vulnerable. she cant keep doing this to him. she'd face it all now. she'd protect him and their baby. no matter how hard its gonna be, she wont leave him again. she needs him, as he needs her, and as the baby needs both of them. "shush, stop crying. it hurts me to see you cry." she whispered in his ear, making him look at her. "i promise, never again will i leave before you do. for us. for our baby."

-------

"im soooo happy!" tomoyo squeeled, as she hugged meiling, tightly. "i got my friends back! well, sakura is incommunicado, but i know she's gonna be happy, so i got her back too. im just so, so, so happy!"

meiling laughed. "must be the hormones talking. i heard that they are on the overdrive during pregnancy." she mocked her, but tomoyo chose to ignore her little comment.

"and you decided to model for me, too!" tomoyo continued as if meiling hadnt spoken. "its been a long time since i had someone wear my designs, since the three of you are out in the hiding and eli not that good to dress up. i mean he's pretty good looking and all, but i just dont see him wearing a skirt."

"glad to hear that, love." eli said, entering the room, with a soft smile on his face. "and i think its time to let go of meiling now, she still need to breathe, you know. or there wont be anyone to model for you anymore."

"meanie." tomoyo replied, releasing her friend then pouting at her husband, making them all laugh.

-------

sam stared at the beautiful horizon in front of her. it all seemed surreal - nothing could be this perfect. it all feels like a superficial reality that can be snatched away in a blink of an eye. bittersweet pain of having something so fragile, so unreal. yet she smiled, one true smile for the happiness she feels inside seemed to have no bounds.

for almost three years, she had lived in reality - cruel, bitter reality. for three years, she had lived her life in a monotonous regularity. it felt safe, it felt secure. it was one of stability. yet in exchange of this feeling of security comes the tears, the tears of being parted with someone she shares her heart with, her love.

with toya comes all the risks, the uncertainty of how long this happiness will last. with him comes the threats and the constant fight for survival. but also with him, comes the protection, the love, the cherish, the caring. and she'd rather have a life of uncertain death with love than security without it.

she sighed. it wasnt an easy choice, but she made it anyway. three years had been too long for both of them. it had scared them for lifetimes to come. toya sure had improved in his social skill those days sam was away, but he had come quite paranoid during her absence. he rarely left her on her own, especially outdoors, afraid of someone harming her, or worse, her running away again. but she didnt care. she'd rather have him tail her all around. at least she knows where he is, he's with her, not them. he's not hurting, he's happy.

but there are days like this that her anxiety would get the best of her. how long will this happiness last? what are the consequences of these choices? would they hurt him or would they finally realize just how much they love each other and let them be, happy and content with each other? these thoughts plague her mind constantly. but she would show how scared she was. as long as he's with her, there's no need to worry.

but is it really that simple? is this gambling too much?

she was too deep in her thoughts that she didnt hear toya enter the room. he watched her look at the horizon, her eyes unseeing, a soft smile on her face, but one cannot deny the fear evident in her eyes. he knows she's keeping her fears from him, and he knows the reason why. so many times she would space off like this, and all he wanted to do was to hug her and comfort her and tell her that everything will be alright. but he couldnt say that, he couldnt lie to her repeatedly like that. he didnt know what will happen to them. there will be consequences in their decisions, he was pretty much sure about that. actually, he was quite surprised that they hadnt tried to contact him yet. but he was happy. he dont regret anything he's ever done. he never thought he'd be happy again after his family died and he was taken in by the organization. but here he was, with the most beautiful women in the world and she loves him and wants to be with him, as much as he wanted to.

slowly, he walked up to her and hugged her from behind. for a long while, they stood there, looking at the horizon, the setting sun now replaced with the bright stars.

"my mom always said," she whispered, at last breaking the silence. "that whenever a star would die, another would be born. every death has its own hope for a beginning. i've always believed that, too. but too much had happened, too many sad endings, that hope seems to blur with every instance. you know, i've almost given up on you. i only wanted you to be happy, with or without me. but seeing you so hurt, i cannot bear it. this is a gamble, i know. and i keep telling myself its all worth it for you. i keep telling myself that i'm doing this for you. but i cannot deny the fact that i'm longing this, too. this gamble is also my happiness, i cant keep denying that any longer."

"i know," he sighed. "i guess i've been selfish. i love you too much and i had been so used to having you with me that i cannot bear the thought of not having you. the thought of you being with someone else kills me. i want you for myself, although i dont have anything to offer you but my love. i know this is not easy for you but there is just no way i could live without you."

silence once again as they continued with their own thoughts, just comfortable in each other's arms, happy of the warmth and support they give to each other. tomorrow may be unknown, but at least today, they have each other.


	16. cruel destiny

**_Author's Notes: Here's a new chap... Please review!!! enjoy!!!_**

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: CRUEL DESTINY

to say that meiling was exhausted had been an understatement. she groaned as she dragged herself in her apartment. who ever said that being a model was easy?! she'd kill it the minute she met that person.

she groaned again. she could just imagine what her friends will say the minute they knew of her thoughts. she could distinctly hear tomoyo say 'i told you so' with that annoying tone of hers. but she couldnt blame them. she asked for this, now she's paying the price.

nobody forced her to work her butt off. in fact, tomoyo and eli sometimes forces her to take a vacation, threatening to disemploy her and make sure she doesnt model anywhere else if she didnt take her much needed break. ever since she had decided to go back to civilization, she'd been working seven times a week, less those times that she was 'threatened' to take a break.

its not that she love her job that much. she really enjoy all the fame and the flash lights, but she's not working herself to death for the sake of it. if it were another time, she would still love her work even if she's just working half the time. heck, if it were another time, she's be working much less than she's working now, in any occupation.

its just that, she hated the time she left herself when she's not working. those were the times that was left for her to think. and to think is the last thing she wanted right now. she'd been working herself so much in hope that by the time she went home, she's be too tired to pull herself together, much less to think. most of the times, it worked, but there are still times when her subconscious betrays her and her dreams lingers on a person she's been desperately trying to forget.

at this she laughed at herself. its been what, almost a year already, and she still hadnt forgotten. she moved on with her life, or what she's been trying to convince herself she had done, but she still couldnt forget him. and she pretty damn much loves him still. and he doesnt deserve it.

the irony of it all. all those years when she was growing up, she had watched her friends go gaga over a guy, and she promised herself that she wont do the same ever. no guy is worthy of such an affection - she'll love herself foremost of all - and if a guy breaks her heart, it is best to forget him altogether. but here she is, pinning for the same guy for almost a quarter of her whole existence.

she glanced at her bedside table and her eyes rested on a gift - the last reminder she had of him. as much as she had wanted, she could not bear to part with it. it is her heart, her life. her hands unconsciously slid on top of it lovingly, as memories flood in again.

_"i want you to remember that i'm always here for you, always." renzo said, cupping her face with both hands. "i know i cant always be by your side, but know that in my heart, and in my mind, you will never leave me. so in those times i cant wipe your tears away, let this be a reminder that im still here just a phone call away."_

she laughed halfheartedly at that thought. she had laughed that time, realizing how corny and mushy he sounded. she had bonked him at the head after that little speech he gave saying that it doesnt suit him to be emotional. and he had bonked her in response, saying how she had ruined the moment. 'i havent got to kiss you yet! you're supposed to kiss me and flatter me saying that im the sweetest boyfriend you ever had.' he had exclaimed in mock hurt which made her kiss him nevertheless.

she didnt know she was crying until she felt teardrops fall on her hand. funny how he could still make her cry, after all those time, he could still make her cry. and she hated him for it.

'this is not me.' she said to herself, shaking her head as if to clear it from those thoughts. 'im stronger than this, i know i am.' but she still cant stop her tears from falling. the truth is, she had seen him earlier during lunch with one of her model friends. he had been with one of his girlfriends, snogging each other senseless at the restaurant which unfortunately happened to be the one they are dining in. she had barely made it out alive, and she was glad that her 'lunch date' had not noticed her discomfort, and if he did, he hadnt said anything. she was also glad he had not noticed her there, too preoccupied with his own date, or it had been awkward, really, really awkward.

the day she had decided to stop hiding, she had resolved not to shy away from him ever again. she knew that she couldnt avoid forever not to see him, especially since they have the same set of close friends, but it didnt mean it wouldnt be awkward. she can vaguely remember their first get together at tomoyo's place. all of them was there, except for sakura and syaoran, and the no matter how hard each of them try to lighten the mood, the tension was still there between the two. and it didnt help that all the interaction that happened between the two was a stiff hi and hello and some casual glances and smiles along the way. so seeing him at the restaurant today, him with his date and her with a 'date' of her own, would be more than claustrophobic.

her fingers softly caressed the picture at the lid of the gift and she felt the familiar thumping of her heart at what she saw. no matter how hard she tries to deny it, she knew. she knew that the only person who could own her heart is the person who had not loved her enough.

-------

renzo stared at the bottle he's clutching, hard. his vision is hazy and he could barely make out the writings on the cover of the bottle. it had been his what, fifteenth or sixteenth bottle? he had lost count a long time ago. all he knew was that he was pretty much hurting right now and he would do anything just to make it all go away.

just what had driven him to drink until he runs cold? well, those who knew him will know the answer in a second. it had always been the same reason. _meiling._

he had seen her at lunch earlier, with what he supposed to be her current boyfriend, probably one of those models she got to work with everyday. she had only been in the industry for just a couple of months, but she had been an instant hit, though he hardly doubted it. she was a rare beauty with spunk and personality, too, so its no wonder companies already want her to launch their products. she's simply a dream come true.

he laughed dryly. that guy he's seen her with, probably one of the most handsome there is. pretty much a gentleman too from what he had seen, havent even made a move on her the whole time they were eating in the restaurant. havent even held her hand. she had blushed quite nicely during one of their conversations and she laughed quite a lot, too. not that he's been watching her the whole time. no, not all. its just happened that he had caught every single breathe, laugh and motion she had done.

who is he kidding?! he had been so jealous that time that he had took out all his frustrations with his current girlfriend, wanting to make his ex jealous no matter how futile it might seem to be. somehow, in the farthest corner of his mind, he had wished that meiling would walk up to their table and drag the girl away from him by her hair. but she hadnt even noticed him, if she did, she had been too preoccupied with her boyfriend to care.

the thing is, no matter how much he told himself to stop caring for her, to stop loving someone who didnt even care the least bit for him, he still do. he still loved her, with all his heart, and that's what eating him inside. that and the guilt he's feeling of letting her out of his grasp.

-------

"see yah!" meiling waved goodbye to her friends. it had been another late nights, with all the pictorials and the shoots, she's exhausted. walking towards her car, she sighed, massaging her jaw a little. she'd been forcing herself to smile the whole day and it wasnt that pleasant. she's not just in the mood to smile today, and when she woke up, she had this headache that she always get when she had cried herself to sleep. she was just glad that she not one of those people who get puffy eyed from crying, or else, everybody in that country will know just how miserable her life is.

she had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadnt noticed that someone was following her. she didnt even notice that she was the only person present in that side of the parking lot and the lights are a lot dimmer than usual. her life had been so mechanical that she had long stop to notice her surroundings. that is until a hand clasped over her mouth and she felt a cold blade on her back.

"dont move, dont scream. or else, you know what will happen." her eyes widened in panic as she heard a slurry voice near her ear.

too scared even to think, the man managed to drag her to the darkest corner of the parking lot. there, he pushed her by the wall and she had faced her attacker. a big man, probably in his thirties or forties, and his eyes are unfocused, probably from alcohol or drugs or both. her fears grew when she saw his eyes darken with lust.

"do you have any idea how long i had waited for this?" the man growled, too near her ear, that she forced herself together to stay the farthest she could from him. "all i wanted was to be your friend but you were too untouchable that you wont even notice me." she was crying out desperately now as the man kissed her neck, the blade still etched on her sides. "but no matter, i have you now." she tried to get away from him, flailing her arms and legs, kicking blindly and once her knees made contact with his crotch, which made him whimper in pain. anger flashed in his eyes as punched her at the face and the stomach hard, almost knocking the wind out of her.

"no, no, NO!!! any body!! please help me!!!" she screamed out, as he tore her designer clothes and groped her breasts, painfully. she fought as much as she could, but she discovered he's much stronger than her. she was hurting now, her lips bleeding from the earlier blow. "please stop! help!!!"

the man just laughed at her. "do you really think anybody could help you right now?" his hand was now sliding underneath her skirt to her panties. she cried out even more when she felt him tear those too. he laughed again. "scream all you want. i dont care. it makes me want you more." he was now pressing kisses to her face, her mouth, her neck, sucking her breasts, while his hand invaded her most private part. she tried to punch him away again, and this made contact with his jaw. "you bitch!" he exclaimed, crashing his fist with her face again and she almost lost consciousness. "you'll pay for that! i'll make you feel pain like you had never experienced before."

too weak to fight and her body couldnt take any more of his painful minstrations. 'is this is?' she cried to herself. 'is this how am i going to die? renzo... please... help me...'

feeling her consciousness slipping away, she was vaguely aware of the man being pulled from her and her falling to the ground. there were sirens, but it feels like its too far away. 'its too late.' she thought, darkness overcoming her. and the last thing she remember before she passing out was a face and a pair of strong hands holding her. "renzo, im scared... dont leave..." she whispered then she lost consciousness.

-------

renzo didnt know what he was doing here. in fact, this is the last place he wanted to be ever. he had made sure to steer away from this office, making all kinds of excuses when tomoyo or eli asks for him to come, just so he wont have to come here. and so he wouldnt see her. meiling.

but something tells him that he should be here right now, and for once in his life, he had let his heart take over. he couldnt stop the feeling that something just isnt going right and the fear inside him keeps on growing the closer he got to his destination. the minute he walked out of the taxi, he had sprinted to the parking lot, the place where his heart is leading him and somehow, he knew that something bad had happened to meiling.

she might not care for him the least bit now, but he still loves her with all his heart, and he would do almost everything to keep her safe. no matter how much she tries to push him away.

but nothing had prepared him to what he saw next. at the corner of the parking lot was his love, clothes torn, her face bruised, and she was slowly losing consciousness. and in front of her was a man, holding a knife on her side as he ravished her, too drunk for his own good.

rage boiled inside of him. hatred coursed through him at the man who dared hurt his meiling. he ran as fast as he can towards the scene, barely managing to shout at the guard to call for police. he grabbed the man away from meiling then punched him with all his might, the man, being caught unawares was unable to fight back. he puched him again and again until he was sure that he was unconscious. he only stopped himself when he heard the sirens blowing at the distance. his eyes fell on her broken form and he rushed at her, covering her with his jacket.

"oh God, meiling, please wake up. can you hear me? you cant give up on me like this." he cried, taking her in his arms. "everything's gonna be fine now, you're safe now. please open your eyes."

her eyes slowly parted open, her body too tired to move. "renzo, im scared... dont leave..." then she passed out.


	17. acceptance

**_Author's Notes: Sorry for the late update... And I want to thank all the reviews! Love them all!!!_**

**_Hope you enjoy!! And review!!!_**

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: ACCEPTANCE

_everything was dark, all black. the darkness consumes her, threathening to take hold of her sanity. everything was cold, damp, frightening. she didnt want to be here. fear slowly started to tear her, as she ran blindly, eager for just a glimpse of light. she cant live here. it was too cold, too lonely..._

_suddenly, she saw a shadow, and her heart skipped a beat. she wasnt alone! she cried out but the words died on her throat. she tried to scream, again and again, but no sound would come out of her mouth. but as if the shadow could hear her, he turned, looking straight to her eyes._

_'renzo!' her mind screamed, but he just stood there, looking at her broken form, no emotion could be deciphered in his eyes. she tried to run to him but she felt like running through water when time goes ever so slowly for her and million times faster with him. she tried to show him she wanted him, but he wouldnt walk towards her. and for a fleeting moment before he turned his back on her, she could swear she could see a sad smile adorned in his face. then he disappeared, leaving her alone again._

"NO!" she screamed, waking up from her terrible nightmare, crying her heart out. she could barely feel the warmth of the arms engulfing her or the soothing voice of the person hugging her. her body aches, but it was nothing compared to the feel of her heart breaking.

"ssshhh... its okay now. everything's gonna be fine now. im here. im not going to leave you ever again." the voice whispered in her ear, and she found herself slowly relaxing to his embrace.

renzo continued to hold her as her breath slowed and her body relaxed. he dont know how long they stayed that way. the only thing that is running through his mind is that he'll never let go of her ever again. what he saw that asshole did to her... he wanted to kill himself at the thought of what would have happened if he was a few minutes late. ever since that day, he had never left her side, much to the annoyance and despair of their friends who wanted him to at least eat or sleep, but how could he do that seeing meiling lying unconscious on the bed. in all his life, he wouldnt have thought of seeing her like this. she was so strong, so much of a fighter that he never thought that anyone could take her down like this. and it broke his heart that he hadnt been there to protect her from it.

"he... did he... he didnt..." she cried, her tears slowly draining her and memories of what had happened started to come back to her, sending in a fresh batch when she felt that she had cried her all. so much pain... so cold... her only warmth was the man holding her.

"no he didnt. i came before he could. the cops have him now. dont worry. you're safe now. im here. i'll protect you." he whispered soothingly, one hand at her waist, holding her close, the other stroking her hair to calm her.

"im scared... i dunno what to do..." she was clinging on to him as if her life depended on it, and at this time, it does. right now, she had grasped enough of sanity to know the man comforting her, and although how much she had tried to distance herself in the past, she just couldnt. he saved her and he was the only person who could make her feel safe. "please dont leave me..."

"i wont ever leave you." he said with so much passion that she almost choked in her tears. "you are my life, my only life. and even if you push me away again after all these had passed, i will still be here for you, waiting for you to need me again." his words made her feel light headed, so much emotions overwhelmed her. she should push him away, he didnt love her enough, didnt trust her, but she couldnt find the strength. she cannot deny that after all thse time, these are the words she was dreaming to hear, from him, no one else.

"i love you." he whispered and this broke all the walls she had built around her heart. with all the strength she could muster, she pulled herself towards him and kissed him with all the passion, hunger and love that she had been ignoring for all these time.

-------

"hope..." whispered gently as she softly carressed her stomach, a small serene smile forming on her face. she'd never been more happy, more content than she is now, with her family and friends.

"i wish they would be happy as i am today." she whispered, some wistfullness coming to her face. its been a long time, but she also cant stop thinking about her friends who she considered to be a part of her family. there are some days that she didnt deserve this much happiness, when life hadnt been as hard to her as her sisters, as what she would like to call them. and, though how shameful it is for her to feel, a small part of her was grateful for that. she isnt as strong as they, and she knew she would had broken a long time ago if she were to go through a mere fraction of what they had gone through.

her thought drifted to her best friend and cousin. its been months since syaoran took her away, and she could only imagine how big she was now. she laughed at the thought. the girl must be horrified by now, being small all her life and suddenly, she could not even see her feet! she prayed that all went well with her as well, but she doubted anything would happen otherwise because she knew syaoran would never let anything happen to her, whether she like it or not. tomoyo smiled. maybe fate hadnt been that cruel to her bestfriend. she had found a love that would last forever, one thing that is very rare to find.

then her thought went to meiling. she heard of what happened from renzo and she was so grateful that he had been there to save her, to think that it happened in their premises. from that day, she and eli made sure to tighten the security around their building. they wouldnt want that to ever happen again, especially to those dear to their hearts.

her smile widened at the memory when she and eli visited meiling, the day after the incident. renzo wouldnt leave meiling's bedside that they had to literally shut him out of the room, threatening him that they wouldnt let him in unless he ate and rested a bit. he came back two hours later, a glare on his face, as he growled that he's rested and to leave him alone, that he's not the one who's hurt, so stop fussing over him. they had to laugh at that. he and meiling had never really shown any affection towards each other since the day meiling decided to move on and it was somewhat amusing to see them try to deny their feelings to each other. after his little speech, he went to sit at his usual post beside her bed and clutched her hand, and looked at her face, like he was expecting her to wake up any second. they left shortly after, knowing that meiling is literally, in good hands.

and then there is sam. all seems to be going well for her and toya, but they cannot hide the fact that they are living in fear of tomorrow. she had caught sam daze off a couple of times, a distant look on her face, and if one would look at her eyes closely, one would see everything she was feeling. but everytime she felt like she's being watched, she quickly puts on her happy mask, trying to convince everyone, even herself, that everything is just dandy and nothing will ever go on.

she sighed. maybe this is her test, her own trial. she had to be strong for her friends, her job to keep them sane and dont feel like their alone. and she gladly accepts this task for she would love nothing more than to see her friends be happy, and she would never abandon them, whatever the cost.

"why the long face?" she heard a voice say. she smiled as she felt her husband's strong arms wrap around her from behind. she sighed blissfully as she rested her head on her chest, loving the way he could comfort her with the tiniest gestures and make her feel safe by just the sound of his voice, and the way he gently carressed her bulging stomach. he was such a dear that he could even get through her mood swings in tip-top shape and with her loving him more. "thinking about them?"

"i cant wait for it to come out." she said instead of answering him. they had talked about this a lot of times in the past and it always made her long for her friends more.

"i know." he answered, his meaning went beyond her question and they both knew that. "she'll be gorgeous, just like you."

she closed her eyes, just basking in the warmth of having her family around her. "i love you so much." she whispered. "i love you and our baby so much. you are my life."

"and i love you both, too." he whispered back, placing a small kiss on her cheeks then at her neck. "dont worry about them, they'll be happy, too, one day. just like you and me, right now."

"i know."she said, turning slightly to place a kiss on his lips then his cheeks. "please dont leave me. dont ever leave me and our baby. we'll follow you through hell and back, just please, whatever happens, dont leave us."

"i would never dream of leaving you and our daughter, not in this lifetime, not in the million years to come. i love you too much. i love you."

-------

"do you think they'll like our surprise?"

"of course they would. they want us to be happy and they know we are. smile now, for me."

she smiled then wrapped her arms around his torso. she sighed contentedly when she felt him return her embrace.

"i love you..."

"i love you, too..."

-------

"does this mean what i think this means?"

"let me think about it..." she replied coyly, teasing him.

"hey! what does that suppose to mean?!" she laughed seeing him pout.

throwing her hands around his neck, she gave him a passion filled kiss that left them both breathless. she reluctantly pulled away from him after a while and giggled, seeing him pout again, this time from her pulling away too fast. she leaned her forehead against his and smiled, looking deep into his eyes. "what else do you think this means."

he smiled, one genuine smile that he hadnt used for a very long time. "i love you." he whispered, full of emotion, as he gently kissed her again.

"i know. i love you, too."

-------

"why are you being so mean?!" she glared at him, her eyes starting to glaze with unshed tears. "i gave up everything for you and you cant do a simple thing for me?!"

"but you are -" he started gently, not wanting to make her more upset than she already is. he hated to see her cry. but she already had waterfalls running down her cheeks.

"i hate you! you're lucky i cant even see my foot right now or it would be you who wont be seeing even a shadow of me or my baby!" she humped, crossing her arms above her chest then turning her back from him.

"our baby." he insisted, a smile forming on his lips. no matter how frustrating it is when she's getting emotional like this, she still looked so adorable and so cute that its so hard to be upset with her. and making up with her afterwards is a whole lot better. still, he couldnt help but frown at her when she slapped his hands away when he tried to hug her.

"no! MY baby!" she cried, feeling unimportant as she rushed to the door. she glared at him again when he clutched her arm, preventing her from moving any further. "let me go! im not important to you! you dont love me anymore!" she screeched out, making him wince, wondering if he had gone deaf. the hormones, blame it all to the hormones. he sighed. he knew that the only way out of this is to submit to her whims. no matter how dangerous it would be.

"okay, fine, you win." he sighed defeatedly and he had to smile at the sudden shine that crossed his wife's face. "if it means that much to you..."

"it does!" she cried, happy tears falling down her cheeks, as she wrapped her arms around him as much as she can, despite her bulging stomach. "oh i love you so much!"

"if i didnt love you this much..." he muttered darkly as he returned her embrace. well, he isnt that upset to stop her from the kiss she gave him, nor the others after that.


End file.
